2.3 The importance of redrafting - 2 The writing process

Academic Writing for International Students of Science - Jane Bottomley 2015

2.3 The importance of redrafting
2 The writing process

Experienced writers often produce several drafts of a text before they feel happy with it. It is important that you edit and redraft your work as you write to make it as clear and readable as possible.

Image Explorative Task

Read the student’s two drafts. Which one is easier to read? Complete the table which follows to help you think about why this might be. Image

Text A

The Third Generation Partnership Project (3GPP) defined two parts of 3G evolution standards: High Speed Packet Access (HSPA) and Long Term Evolution (LTE) [1]. Both HSPA and LTE have advantages and disadvantages. There are many factors affecting the decision of operators to choose the appropriate evolution standard, such cost and performance [1]. This will be likely to influence operator’s decision on network architecture. In this essay, an overview of 3G technology is outlined. Following this, the merits and demerits of each evolution standard are discussed and some advices are given.

Text B

In order to enable existing mobile systems to meet the requirements of modern high-tech development, two 3G evolution standards, as defined by the Third Generation Partnership Project (3GPP), have been proposed: High Speed Packet Access (HSPA) and Long Term Evolution (LTE) [1]. Operators must decide on the most suitable evolution standard for their network; there are a number of factors which will influence this decision, such as cost and performance [1]. Both HSPA and LTE have advantages and disadvantages, as has been documented in the literature [1]. The purpose of this essay is to examine the merits and demerits of HSPA and LTE. The first section provides an overview of 3G technology. This is followed by a discussion of the recent research into the differences between the two evolution standards, along with some recommendations for future practice in the industry.

begins with a clear contextualisation of current developments in the field (mobile systems)?

introduces the ideas in a logical, step-by-step fashion?

has a clearer outline of what is to follow in the rest of the essay?

has fewer grammatical errors and more natural expression?