Accepted! 50 successful college admission essays - Gen Tanabe, Tanabe Kelly 2008
Meet the admission officers
Roundtable with admission officers
In this chapter you will learn:
● What happens to your essay after it arrives in the admission office
● Why the admission process is subjective
● The real reason why colleges require essays
● What impresses admission offi cers
● Common essay mistakes that students make year after year
● What you might be surprised to learn about your essay
● Advice on what makes a successful essay
Meet the admission officers
Water is always fresher the closer you are to the source. In this chapter we head right to the source and ask admission offi cers—point blank—what they are looking for in your essays. After having seen thousands and even tens of thousands of essays, these admission offi cers offer invaluable insight into the admission process. We asked them what works, what mistakes they hope you will avoid and what advice they have for writing the essay.
Question:
Can you give students an idea of what happens to their applications and essays after they are received by your college?
Answer:
Peter Osgood
Director of Admission, Harvey Mudd College Former Associate Dean of Admission, Pomona College
First, we collect all the different parts of the application. Once everything is assembled we start to read them one by one. Unlike many colleges, we don’t sort the applications into regional categories. They are placed into completely random groups.
Once you’ve read one application folder you pass it on to someone else who will also review it. We read and then read some more. After reading all the applications we’ll start meeting and discussing the merits of each applicant one by one.
We don’t only look at the applicants at the top end of some academic or extracurricular scale. Every single application is reviewed through this process. There’s a lot of yapping among admission offi cers. I have a placard in my offi ce that says a lot about the process, “When all is said and done, more will be said than done.”
Gail Sweezey
Director of Admissions, Gettysburg College
All applications are reviewed once and then put into a fi le. Then we review them a second, third and even fourth time. We look at a student’s academic record and actually examine the student’s senior year fi rst. While we like to see A’s and B’s, we also look at the level of competition and diffi culty of the high school. We are keenly aware that schools have different grading scales. We review SAT or ACT scores within the context of the academic record. We also look carefully at recommendations, extracurricular activities both in school and outside of school and, of course, the essay.
William T. Conley
Dean of Undergraduate Admission, Case Western Reserve University We have nine professional admission counselors who are assigned specifi c geographic areas. We break the country down so that each counselor can travel to the schools in their region and understand the nature of the community. This system reassures students that their application is being read by a person who can appreciate that application within the correct context.
Each admission counselor reviews their region’s applications and makes initial recommendations. Then everything is forwarded to me.
I am the second reader for all applications. I ultimately sign off on every student that we admit. If I don’t agree with the counselor’s initial recommendation then the application goes back to the counselor and we may bring in a third reader. If we still cannot agree, then the application goes to a committee, which includes members of the faculty.
About 15 percent of all our applications will need to be decided upon by the committee.
Lloyd Peterson
Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Yale University
Director of Education, College Coach Inc.
At Yale everyone in the offi ce is assigned a geographic region. The application is really a dense document. Every application will get a minimum of two readings. If you applied for early decision and were deferred you would get three readings. International students also usually get an extra read.
Sometimes after two readings one reader says, “This applicant is a clear admit.” But a second reader says, “Are you crazy?” That’s when we bring in a third reader. If you’re surprised by this, you should remember that we are all individuals. We are all human. Many times two admission offi cers will see the same candidate differently.
Michael Thorp
Director of Admissions, Lawrence University
An application is fi rst read by a counselor responsible for a geographical territory. We do this so that the counselor knows something about the schools and cities in their area. Once the counselor has read the application and made his or her decision, all applications are given to me. I do the fi nal reading and approve the counselor’s recommendations. We spend a lot of time reading each piece of the application. Many people assume that this level of attention given to each application can only happen at smaller colleges like ours. Students often don’t believe that we will read every piece of paper that they submit. We do. We spend many long days reading applications.
Elizabeth Mosier
Acting Director of Admissions, Bryn Mawr College
Compared to many colleges, our process is more labor-intensive. We have a committee made up of current students, admission offi cers and faculty members. We divide this group into subcommittees that are responsible for specifi c geographic areas. Therefore, every fi le is read multiple times and is then discussed in the committee.
Each member of the committee is extremely important. The students know the college well. They’ve experienced not only what it’s like to make the transition from high school to college but they also have a perspective on the workload and what each applicant may be able to contribute to the Bryn Mawr community. The faculty knows most about
the classes and what it takes for a student to thrive academically. We try to have the faculty represent a broad range of interests. The admission offi cers are often the applicant’s advocate in terms of knowing about their specifi c high school and region. We’re the experts on how high schools compare to one another.
Basically, from mid-November to mid-March we’re wearing sweat pants, drinking lots of coffee and reading folders. It’s very intense but also a lot of fun.
Question:
Many students are surprised at how subjective the admission process can be. Why is it not a completely numbers-based, objective process?
Answer:
Peter Osgood
Director of Admission, Harvey Mudd College
Former Associate Dean of Admission, Pomona College
At Harvey Mudd our selection process is highly individualized. The reason is because the vast majority of applicants present very similar records in terms of SAT scores and GPAs. Most fall within the top 10 percent of their high school classes. Using these objective criteria or the marginal differences in a student’s GPA doesn’t serve us or the
students very well.
The kinds of things that tend to be intriguing to us and may even suggest potential for real success here are qualities like attitudes toward learning, problem-solving ability and being able to work with others.
In other words, qualities that objective measurements are not good at measuring. Intellectual curiosity, for example, doesn’t necessarily translate into a particular grade. Since we look for these other qualities, the essay is one area where we expect to fi nd them.
Lloyd Peterson
Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Yale University
Director of Education, College Coach Inc.
At Yale, when we assembled the various parts of the application into a folder we put all the qualitative pieces, like the essay, up front. The reason is because I wanted to get to know the applicant as an individual before I saw the numbers like their GPA and SAT scores. I wanted to know John Smith the person before I knew John Smith the scholar.
That’s why I always looked at the essays and recommendations fi rst. If I looked at an SAT score fi rst, it would have too much infl uence on the rest of my reading. I didn’t want to go into the essay thinking 1280. I want a blank canvas. This philosophy is very typical at the Ivy League and other selective schools.
Elizabeth Mosier
Acting Director of Admissions, Bryn Mawr College
Many applicants imagine the admission committee meetings as taking place in a smoke-fi lled room with a bunch of sneaky people looking for any reason not to admit them. I hate to disappoint anyone, but the committee meetings are actually quite congenial. We discuss each candidate. We don’t always agree, and sometimes we can debate for hours. But this is all part of what makes our process work.
Because we are a small college and have the ability to evaluate each applicant individually, we can be really focused on the match between the applicant and our campus. We try to ask ourselves if the applicant would thrive in this environment. It’s not an exact science admitting students. It’s a very personal process. If students can write essays that show us who they want to be, that helps us see them in our college.
We want to make good matches. We want students to come here and love it.
Question:
Many students wonder why colleges require an essay. What is the real reason for the essay?
Answer:
Lloyd Peterson
Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Yale University
Director of Education, College Coach Inc.
College admission for the most part is a two-dimensional process. It is the essays that add the vital third dimension. We don’t want to know your family history or what we can learn from your application or transcript. We use the essays as a window into your soul. We want to see a slice of your life that is the most meaningful to you.
William T. Conley
Dean of Undergraduate Admission, Case Western Reserve University The essay is one of the means that we use to validate other information and achievements. For instance, if an applicant is an A student in English and we read an essay that’s fundamentally fl awed, then we would question whether or not the transcript tells an accurate story. On the other hand we might have an applicant who has a C in English but who produces a beautiful essay. It might alert us to the fact that this applicant doesn’t “march to the same drum” as other students at his school but is nevertheless a brilliant writer. Upon investigating further we may discover that the real question we need to ask about this applicant is whether or not we want a brilliant writer who may sleep through 8 a.m. classes. Students need to take the essay seriously. It’s not the only part of your application, but don’t underestimate it either.
Michael Thorp
Director of Admissions, Lawrence University
The essay is important because we can’t interview every student who applies. The essay is the students’ chance to let us get to know them as an individual. It helps the students become more than a transcript and test score. It helps us empathize with who they are. It also helps us know how well the students can organize their thoughts into coherent sentences and paragraphs.
Most admission people are looking for reasons to admit you—even at schools that admit a very small percentage of their applicants. You may have a 4.0 and 1600 SAT, but so do thousands of other students. This is where the essay comes in and where we can see the students’ unique perspective and personality.
Elizabeth Mosier
Acting Director of Admissions, Bryn Mawr College
The essay is important. The essay is where we in the admission committee get to learn more about each applicant and see what they believe in and value. Because writing itself is a way of demonstrating your ability to think, we get a good idea of how a student thinks through the essay.
For many people an admission essay may just look like another piece of paper, but to us it is a window into an applicant’s mind.
Gail Sweezey
Director of Admissions, Gettysburg College
While the essay is part of the overall package, and we do look carefully at everything, it does offer students the best chance for refl ection. For us in the admission offi ce it is our best chance to learn what is important to the applicant. From their essays we can see what they value.
Question:
Let’s get to the heart of the matter. What are the qualities of a successful admission essay? What impresses you when you read an essay?
Answer:
Peter Osgood
Director of Admission, Harvey Mudd College
Former Associate Dean of Admission, Pomona College
Contrary to popular belief, we are not really looking to be entertained.
What we want is to see that the applicant has done some serious thinking and refl ection. I am looking for a certain amount of thought to have been put into the essay. When we ask, “Tell us who you are,” that’s exactly what we want to know.
Perspective is also something that I look for in essays. It’s hard for high school seniors to remove themselves from the daily grind and be able to step back and write something that’s meaningful. However, those who can usually end up with powerful essays.
Gail Sweezey
Director of Admissions, Gettysburg College
When I read an essay, I expect it to be structured appropriately. That means that the essay must have a beginning, middle and end. But most important it must have a thesis that is developed throughout the essay.
While we want students to explore themselves through their essays and take some chances in their writing, we also expect that they spend the time to edit their work. As I always advise students, the best essays are written from the heart, but proofread from the head.
William T. Conley
Dean of Undergraduate Admission, Case Western Reserve University The essay needs to be in your own words. We need to hear your voice and get a genuine sense that you are writing about what matters to you. I think that’s where many students get off track. They answer the question but they do so in a manner that seems too stilted or artifi cial.
One of my favorite questions years ago was when we asked students to name a book they read that had a great impact on them. It was a simple but deadly question because a lot of students felt that they had to select a signifi cant book like War & Peace. Students would submit essays about these impressive-sounding titles and then refl ect on them in a simplistic way that told us nothing about them. On the other hand, I still remember a student writing about The Little Engine That Could.
It was brilliant since she used the story to refl ect on her life and gave vivid, memorable examples.
Michael Thorp
Director of Admissions, Lawrence University
I look for a unique perspective on something the student has done. If you look at the tone of essay questions out there, you will notice how general the topics are. This is simply the students’ chance to show us how well they think and how well they can communicate with the written word.
I also personally like humor. There is nothing I would appreciate more at 11 p.m. after picking up the 150th essay than for it to make me chuckle. Of course, if you’re not funny, now’s not the time to experiment.
Something that I am not looking for is a tell-all. Sometimes student feel the need to tell me something very personal about their life. That’s okay as long as I’m not the fi rst person they’ve told. I don’t need to know their deepest, darkest secrets. Students should be aware of who is reading their essay. We’re not a professor, we’re not their best friend, we’re not a political correspondent. We are admission folk. There are a lot of things that admission people share such as the fact that we all want to fi nd out something good about each applicant. Students should think about who we are and make sure their essay is appropriate for us.
Lloyd Peterson
Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Yale University
Director of Education, College Coach Inc.
I once calculated that I’ve read about 42,000 essays in my career. One crucial fact that I learned is that while you have to answer the question, you also have to understand what the question is asking. Unless you sit down and think about it before you start writing you’re going to miss the boat.
One year I read 18 essays in a row about Gandhi. I know more about Gandhi than I want to know. The problem was that Gandhi was not applying for admission. The students were. Each of those students forgot that what I wanted to learn was something about them. They neglected to write about their reaction to Gandhi or include comparisons to their own thought process and values. Students need to take a stand and voice an opinion. When the admission offi cer fi nishes your essay, they should know something important about you—not Gandhi.
Elizabeth Mosier
Acting Director of Admissions, Bryn Mawr College
The best essays use dramatic elements like dialogue and interesting narrative. You really want the admission offi cer to get hooked into your essay. We all respond to good narrative. It’s a compelling way to tell a story.
Applicants should remember that we are not looking for you to write about a spectacular achievement. You don’t have to fi nd the cure for cancer at age 17. Sometimes even small events can be great subjects.
One student talked about her work for a pro-choice organization that she thought was going to be a profound experience but instead she had to dress up as a condom elf. What we’re really hoping to see in the essay is that the student is thinking beyond her own limited experience. Even if it seems small, you have experienced something. You
will be profound.
Question:
What common mistakes do students make on essays year after year? How can they avoid these mistakes?
Answer:
Peter Osgood
Director of Admission, Harvey Mudd College
Former Associate Dean of Admission, Pomona College
Sometimes students hear that certain essays work and try to copy them.
What they end up with is a contrived essay that appears to have been forced to fi t the student. This just doesn’t work. You need to write your own essay that is special and unique to you. My other big complaint: two-page essays with no paragraphs.
Gail Sweezey
Director of Admissions, Gettysburg College
Sometimes I think too many adults get involved with rewriting a student’s essay. It’s important to have someone look at your essay, but they should not try to substantially change it. What happens then is that the student’s voice is lost.
Michael Thorp
Director of Admissions, Lawrence University
One mistake is to let your assumptions about the reader be the primary guide for your essay. A student will assume that because the school I work for is conservative that I’m conservative too. Don’t make specifi c assumptions about your audience. I don’t care if a student writes about a conservative or liberal topic as long as it’s framed within the context of what the student has done. When students write that they should be admitted by virtue of their conservative values, that is not a compelling reason to admit them. I don’t care if a student is a member of the John Birch Society as long as she articulates why that’s important to her.
Lloyd Peterson
Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Yale University
Director of Education, College Coach Inc.
Having too many editors and too many people with their hands in the mix. If too many people try to change an essay you often don’t know whose voice it is. The other big mistake is to submit an essay that earned you an A+ in English or History class. Often these essays do not make good admission essays.
Elizabeth Mosier
Acting Director of Admissions, Bryn Mawr College
One mistake is not being original enough. Don’t write about what everyone else will write about. For example, the school shooting at Columbine is a really important topic but it’s also diffi cult to say anything original about it. Basically, with so many people using it for their essays it has a built-in disadvantage. A really good writer may be able to pull it off, but for most students choosing this as a topic is a recipe for failure.
Another example is when students are asked to write a character portrait. The grandmother essay is hard to resist. I think the problem with writing about a grandparent is not the topic but the fact that the topic is fraught with the danger to sentimentalize and not reveal the truth.
Most of these essays end up being something that is like a Hallmark card. Grandparents can be a great topic as long as you have something original and unique to say.
Question:
What are some things that students might be surprised to learn about how you read their essays?
Answer:
Peter Osgood
Director of Admission, Harvey Mudd College
Former Associate Dean of Admission, Pomona College
I think students would be surprised to know that while we are required to evaluate them, we are truly interested in what experiences have affected their thoughts and values. I know that students sometimes think, “They can’t possibly know me, how dare they judge me.” I can understand that, but at least through the essay we are giving students an opportunity to share something signifi cant. We appreciate any student who makes the attempt to try to reveal to us something about them.
Gail Sweezey
Director of Admissions, Gettysburg College
I think students would be surprised by how interested we are in their story. We take all submissions very seriously and use them to get to know each applicant better.
William T. Conley
Dean of Undergraduate Admission, Case Western Reserve University About 40 percent of our incoming class is engineers. For them to write a powerful and persuasive essay is more diffi cult than someone who’s going to major in English or history. While that is not an excuse, we do take into account that for some students the writing component will not be their strength and we will evaluate their essay in proportion to their other strengths. But it would be a grave mistake for these students to think that getting an 800 on their math SAT means that their essays don’t count. That is totally wrong. We still need to see effort. We want to see that they gave it their best shot.
Michael Thorp
Director of Admissions, Lawrence University
They might be surprised to learn that indeed good writing matters.
Sometimes students think that there’s some kind of magic formula. If they can just fi nd the most unique topic that exists they will have the perfect essay. But the truth is that it’s not the topic but the writing that matters.
Lloyd Peterson
Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Yale University
Director of Education, College Coach Inc.
I think some students are surprised to know how dangerous it is to second-guess what the admission offi cer would like to read. I have read about everything imaginable: secret marriages, kleptomania and pyromania. Each was trying to create shock value, and it just didn’t work. Don’t second-guess us. Write about what you care about.
You also hear that you should never write about the Two D’s: divorce and death. Poppycock. If your parents’ divorce has had an impact on you and you can write about it in an impassioned way, then write about it. And I have read a lot of grandmother essays in my time. But that should not stop you from writing about your grandmother since I haven’t read your grandmother essay.
Elizabeth Mosier
Acting Director of Admissions, Bryn Mawr College
I think students would be surprised to learn that we’re not looking for a particular Bryn Mawr prototype. We’re looking for someone to be a contributor. We really want to admit you, and we look to your essay and application to give us a reason to do so. Admission offi cers like students. We wouldn’t be in this business unless we liked working with students. We’re hoping that you’ll make us forget that it’s an essay and just impress us with your unique talents and interests.
Question
In your career, you have read thousands if not tens of thousands of essays. What advice do you have for students?
Answer:
Lloyd Peterson
Former Senior Associate Director of Admissions, Yale University
Director of Education, College Coach Inc.
In today’s admission marketplace the essay can move you up and down the scale. A strong essay can make a difference. The most important thing you can do to improve your writing is to constantly rewrite. Work on perfecting your essay. Don’t pull an all-nighter and think that is enough to produce a successful essay. You need to spend time on each essay every day. Rewriting is more important than the fi rst draft. Writing isn’t easy. You need to work at it. You can’t treat it like a midterm cers exam and do it all the night before. You need to bite the bullet and work your tail off to create a compelling essay.
Elizabeth mosier
Acting Director of Admissions, Bryn Mawr College
I suggest that you start with an oral draft. Tell your story to a friend.
Tell it to a parent. That will get you started. You learn what you believe, what you value and what kind of people you admire. Plus, who better than a friend to say, “Oh please, you’re full of it.” Writing your essay should be a process, just like discussing an idea, and it should bring you to a place you’ve never been before.
William T. Conley
Dean of Undergraduate Admission, Case Western Reserve University I tell students to start thinking as early as their sophomore or junior years about what they’ve read, stories they’ve heard and events in their life that even if they were simple events had huge implications for them. We’re really jaded when it comes to essays and topics. We’ve read the ones about visiting the Wailing Wall or standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower. Sometimes it’s as if the student feels the only way to stand out is by being the only survivor of the Titanic. But we really appreciate someone writing about a simple incident and showing us a deeper meaning. Think about your friendships, your disappointments, your successes and the basics in life. If you do this early, you will have a wealth of options to write about when the time comes.
Peter Osgood
Director of Admission, Harvey Mudd College
Former Associate Dean of Admission, Pomona College
The essay is usually the last thing the student does. They put it off until the very end. This creates a lot of problems. A lot of students in my opinion try to make themselves into their vision of what the colleges want. If the student has done a good search and started from inside themselves and then found colleges that match them, they have less to worry about. We sometimes get these hyper, anxious students who are trying to conform themselves to what they think the college wants.
Students should work inside out and their essays should be an extension of that.
Gail Sweezey
Director of Admissions, Gettysburg College
I always remind students that the application is really a way to tell their story. Think of the essay as a piece of your story and then tell it to us.