Accepted! 50 successful college admission essays - Gen Tanabe, Tanabe Kelly 2008
Essays about family
57 successful admission essays
Zane Curtis-Olsen
My Mother’s Infl uence
Harvard University
I know it sounds like a cliché to say that the person who has had the most infl uence in my life is my mother, but there’s a reason why things become clichés. It’s because there’s always a bit of truth to them.
I love my mother, of course, because she’s my mother. She’s always taken care of me, fed me, clothed me and been there when I needed her. But even if she weren’t my mother I would still admire Mary Cecelia Curtis as a person and look at her as a role model.
She’s worked hard and accomplished a lot, but this hasn’t detracted from her commitment to family and friends. And she’s never been satisfi ed with what she’s accomplished. She’s always trying to be a better person and develop professionally. For instance, she is a department head at a newspaper supervising a large staff and many sections. But in the last year, she took on the challenge of writing a weekly column. She also helps with recruit-ing at her newspaper because she is committed to bringing more African-Americans to the staff.
Her path has not been easy. She was one of fi ve children in a working class family in Maryland, and despite the obstacles and the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) racism she faced, she persevered. She graduated Summa Cum Laude from college and slowly worked her way up as a journalist, eventually becoming a respected section editor at the New York Times.
She has always served as a mentor to other minority journalists and continued to teach young journalists in programs such as those offered by the Maynard Institute.
The success and infl uence my mother has had in the world of journalism provides a model for the success and infl uence I hope to have in the world of science. And, like my mother, I hope I can mesh personal and professional challenges. I also hope to help those who come after me. I know the path in science I’ve chosen is diffi cult, but after seeing all the hardships my mother has worked through, I’m ready for the challenge.
When I fi rst arrived at the Research Science Institute program at MIT, I was a little daunted. I realized that of the 70 young math and science scholars from around the world I was the only African-American. I thought about my mom and realized that needn’t be an obstacle and that I could make my way and distinguish myself in any setting.
Working with an associate professor of physics at UNCC in the fi eld of Near Field Scanning Optical Microscopy, I found I had to learn a lot and persevere through much failure to succeed. It was lucky I could recall the quality of perseverance my mother has modeled for me.
I suppose any essay about my mom always comes back to the personal.
She encourages me and loves me; she disciplines me and expects a lot, but she’s always there—even when I fall short. There’s only one problem. When I have children of my own, she will be a hard act to follow as a parent.
Parents are a dangerous topic to write about if not done carefully. The odds are that thousands of other applicants will be writing about Mom and Dad. How do you make yours stand out? Zane demonstrates how you can write about a common topic in an uncommon way. The key is to be specifi c and not get bogged down in unimportant detail. Notice that Zane quickly summarizes the highlights of his mother’s life that inspire him. He then turns the focus of his essay 180 degrees toward himself.
As much as we learn about his mother, we also learn about Zane.
Ultimately, who the admission offi cers really want to know about is you. While you will need to describe the person, don’t forget that you must tie in their infl uence, values or lessons back to your life. After all, it’s not Mom who is applying for admission but you!
Daniel Heras
Los Angeles, California
When you think of East Los Angeles, you probably don’t think of surfi ng. But one student does. Daniel bucked convention to become one of the few in his community to take to the ocean, the topic of his essay. At Woodrow Wilson High School, he was student body president, captain of the baseball team and president of the science club. Daniel wrote this essay to counter critics who said that college would not be an option for him. “There was that one little voice that told me to keep trying and to never give up,” he says.
Surf’s Up! In East LA?
U.C. Berkeley
In my family everyone grows up playing soccer. It is not a question. You just do it. Although I played soccer, it was not the same for me. Dashing back and forth on a 120-yard fi eld, kicking a ball around and not being able to use your hands was not my idea of living. It was not until about three years ago when I found myself slipping off a seven-foot-long piece of fi berglass and Styrofoam, landing head fi rst into the deep blue sea when it slapped me right in the face. Surfi ng was for me! It was not just my image of living life, but living life on the edge.
Riding waves was not an easy thing to do, and I mean that in two ways.
First, surfi ng is a diffi cult task, period. Just the laborious thought of being a surfer alone was inconceivable. I had never in my life seen a surfer except on TV. None of my friends surfed, and it was unheard of in East LA to see a Hispanic surfer. At fi rst I never told anyone that I had been surfi ng. I kept it to myself, though it was very hard to hide a seven-foot-long board in my sock drawer. My friends would come over to my house and say, “What the heck is that?” Of course, I had to tell them even though I knew how they would react. They would just laugh and say, “You ain’t no surfer, you’re a wannabe.” I would stay quiet. Some nights while lying in bed, I would think: Was this just a phase? Was I trying to be someone that I really was not? Was I really a “wannabe”?
At times failure would make me think that surfi ng would just be a small chapter in my life. I remembered the closing days of summer a few years ago. I got up early that morning to get ready for my short 20-minute trip to Venice Beach. Something seemed different that morning. I felt bold, I felt confi dent and I was immortal. (Not really.) The day was perfect. I did it, the fi rst wave I saw and was up and in it. I cannot say I did not fall that day, because I did. But after eight long weeks of nothing but sand in my face, I was on top of the world. I persevered. It was not going to be just a phase.
No matter what race: Black, White, Asian, Hispanic or any other race, people living in East LA do not become surfers. But here at the Heras residence, you do fi nd the rarity. I have discovered who I am. I am courageous, unique and at times I am not always going in the same direction as everyone around me. But this is alright. Sometimes reacting unlike anyone else leads to success. No one tells me I have to play soccer, I have to tag on walls or even own a lowrider bike. My family does not pressure me to get a job right out of high school or go to community college part time. Just because so many here do, that does not mean I have to do it too. Looking back, the decision to surf instead of play soccer has made me a more versatile person. It made me love life, it made me stop and think and be thankful for everything around me. I feel that if my decision to surf did this for me, then other decisions, like my decision to pursue the highest level of education, will be even better. This proves that being a little bit on one’s unique side can sometimes be the best.
There was a time in my life when I did not know who I was but as a result of surfi ng I now know who I really am. I also know that surfi ng will not just be a small chapter in my life but the recurring theme that holds the story of my life together. I am not a “wannabe.”
Daniel uses his interest in surfi ng as a clever analogy to introduce his willingness to do the unexpected. Through his essay we see that he has faced many people who questioned his ability to succeed personally and professionally. His essay takes us through his thought process to show us why he’s become so motivated to overcome these naysayers and we can appreciate what he has accomplished.
As you’re writing, it’s important to always take this extra step of not just describing but explaining. Having this analysis or refl ection is critical and makes the difference between a successful and unsuccessful essay.
Remember, you want to impress the admission offi cers not only with your ability to write but also with your ability to think.
Daniel Saat
Rochester, New York
It was his father’s unique approach to business and to life in general that infl uenced Daniel to write this essay about the duo’s experience in an open-air market in Israel. Daniel may follow in his father’s footsteps with his desire to work in marketing or consulting. At Brighton High School, he was the regional president of the Distributive Education Clubs of America. He was also an all-state saxophone player, varsity baseball player and active member of United Synagogue Youth. Daniel wrote this essay to gain admission to the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania.
The Beer-Sheva Marketplace
University of Pennsylvania
We stroll through a marketplace in Beer-Sheva, inhaling a conglomeration of smells and sounds that feel as though they are part of a different century. My father and I enter a small stand. A little woman sits in the corner scanning her livelihood like a hawk monitoring her nest. She promotes her wares not for a quarterly report but to feed and clothe her family. My father picks up a small wooden camel and calls out in our native tongue, “How much?”
“Fifty shekel,” she responds. Her reply is automatic. This is what she does all day, every day.
My father eyes her directly. He doesn’t fl inch. “I’ll give you 10.” He remembers the game as if he’d been playing it daily since he left his homeland.
She opens high and he counters low, each one hoping the other will give in fi rst. I observe, taking mental notes.
She replies with conviction, “It’s handmade, I can’t go lower than 40.” We all know the camel was made in a local factory, but he doesn’t contradict her. To call her credibility into question at this stage could ruin the transac-tion.
“I only have 20,” fi res my dad, as if he had rehearsed his line. I glance at his back pocket bulging with Israeli currency but don’t let on, for she’s searching my face for a sign of weakness. I’m beginning to see what the game is all about.
“I cannot sell for less than 40,” she retorts. My father squeezes my hand subtly and I latch on to his paw. We slowly start to leave the stall.
“So be it,” he voices over his shoulder with an air of studied ease. We continue out of the cool shadows toward the fascinating frenzy of the exotic streets.
Just as our sandaled feet touch the dirt road and we are about to rejoin the crowd, we hear a shriek. “Wait! Give me 30.” My father winks at me, turns nonchalantly and swaggers toward the woman. I quickly pull 30 shekel out of my pocket and thrust them into his hand, so the woman won’t discover the treasures buried in his pocket. I smile at my quick thinking. My father plays it straight, as if I were supposed to hand him the money.
He works his thick fi ngers around a 5-shekel piece and with a magician’s sleight of hand swiftly transfers the coin to his other palm. “I only have 25.” The woman hastily nods.
The negotiations are successful. The woman is satisfi ed for she had invested only 10 shekel in the knickknack. My father smiles. While he would have paid any price for the camel, he enjoyed the challenge of a worthy opponent. We rejoin the streets to once again immerse ourselves in those ancient sounds and smells.
From my earliest childhood, I have learned many such fascinating business concepts at my father’s side. These experiences have long intrigued me.
Formulas, fi gures, accounting cycles and textbooks do not tell the whole story. Cultural traditions of negotiation, respect and the dynamics of people coming together to buy and sell are the most captivating parts of trade.
Society is an interdependent web, relying on its members to meet each other’s needs. Business is centered on the exchange of one good or service for another in an effort to improve society’s standard of living. The intricacies, methods and strategies involved in this exchange are what I hope to acquire and master. Daniel’s essay works because he not only shares his relationship with his father but also draws astute conclusions from his interaction. He takes the time to explain the meaning of the experience and uses it to give insight into his interest in business. Through his essay, you learn about him on a personal level through the way he relates to his father as well as on a professional level by seeing his career goals.
A successful essay is not just an interesting story. What captivates the admission offi cers is the meaning within the story. This is the real challenge of the essay.