College essays that made a difference - Princeton Review 2010
What colleges want to see in your essay: writing ability and insight into who you are
Essay fundamentals
The admissions officers reading your essay want it to show that you can write at the college level. This means you have command of the English language and can use it to craft a cogent written statement. They are not interested in your vocabulary skills, so give the thesaurus to mom and have her hide it. You should write your essay without fancy words whose meanings you don’t understand. It is painfully obvious to admissions officers when you do this; they’re almost embarrassed for you.
Admissions officers are interested in seeing that you understand sentence and paragraph structure and can pace a narrative—and that you know what a narrative is in the first place. If you’re a little unsure, a narrative is simply a story. Unless you’re William Faulkner, the story your essay tells to admissions officers needs to be brief, flow logically from one event to the next, and have a convincing conclusion. People usually act consistently (even if they’re consistently inconsistent), and their pattern of actions more times than not leads to consistent outcomes. You’d have to be a darn clever wordsmith, for example, to convince a reader that a chain smoker could enter the New York City Marathon and win it just because he “had a lot of heart.” Your essay should not read like a work of fiction and require admissions officers to suspend disbelief. Keep it brief and coherent.
This does not mean that you or someone else should edit your essay down to nothing. It also shouldn’t sound like a marketing piece. It should sound the way you talk (when you speak with correct grammar, of course).
An additional point we hope you will pick up on is that no matter how impressive your grades, test scores, and extracurriculars are, admissions decisions by these top-flight schools involve subjective elements you can’t control. Always be yourself, not the person you think admissions officers want to see. That’s the job of a con artist, and it almost never works. Besides, admissions officers are paid to find students who are good matches for their institution. A dishonest essay may lead you to the wrong school. Who wants to fill out transfer applications?
Time and again admissions officers tell us that they want students to write their college essays about the things they, the students, actually care about. You should write your essay about something you do, not something you would do if you were president of the United States (unless specifically asked to do so). Admissions officers want to know why you spent every Wednesday afternoon last year teaching an underprivileged boy how to use a computer, even when you didn’t want to or didn’t think you had time. They want to know about your hobbies and interests. They even want to know why you’re passionate about Spider-Man comics.
But notice the “why.” The essay isn’t just an opportunity for you to show you’re a character who would bring some much-needed uniqueness to campus. It’s an opportunity for you to give admissions officers real insight into who you are. This means your essay absolutely must include a “why.” There are no exceptions. Why do you love Spider-Man? Is it something he is or isn’t? Is Spidey’s story somehow an allegory for selfless service to others? If you’re an artist, is it the care with which every frame is crafted? The detail? If you’re a cultural anthropologist, is it Spidey’s continued ability to resonate with readers, both old and young? Your essay should show that you have thought about why you love what you love, believe what you believe, or are who you are. The “why” in your essay will show that you know how to reflect and analyze in college.