College essays that made a difference - Princeton Review 2010
Michael Harris
The applicants
At his high school, Michael was captain of the varsity tennis team, editor-in-chief of the school newspaper, treasurer of the Mock Trials Club, and vice president of the Math Club. Outside of school he taught piano to six novice-level students and prepared them for recitals.
Stats
SAT: 1380 (620 Critical Reading, 760 Math)
ACT: 32
High School GPA: 4.70 weighted
High School: Plymouth-Whitemarsh High School, Plymouth Meeting, PA
Hometown: Lafayette Hill, PA
Gender: Male
Race: Caucasian
Applied To
Boston University
Brandeis University
Duke University
Emory University
George Washington University
Lehigh University
New York University
Tufts University
University of Pennsylvania
Washington University in St. Louis
Essay 1
Michael used similar versions of the following essay in his applications to Brandeis, Duke, Emory, and Tufts.
Describe the environment in which you grew up and how it has shaped your personal goals.
So here I am: another Saturday night, one where I should be out with my friends, enjoying myself, but I am home. I am not here because I am grounded, or because I want to be: instead, I am here to make sure I write the best essay I can and, consequently, be admitted to Tufts University. I realize I only have myself to blame: I have allowed my desire to achieve overtake my longing to be a “normal” high school student.
Upon reaching high school, many students enter the “rebellious teenage years—” the years that disobeying parents is “cool” and having the mentality that less than the best is acceptable. However, I have maintained my drive to achieve despite the temptations to be bitten by the “teenage bug.”
Although my friends wonder how, I know exactly why I am just as motivated now as I was ten years ago. Everyone in my family has been extremely successful: they attended top universities and have succeeded in the professional world. Needless to say, from a young age, there was always pressure for me to do just as well. Nothing less than an “A” would suffice, and not a single tangible reward came from my academic achievements.
That personal drive continues to “haunt” me now. Although my family no longer applies nearly as much pressure, I still have that drive to succeed. I accept nothing less than my best, and when I do not achieve up to my capability, I know I have only myself to blame. While the benefits of having a strong work ethic are obvious, I am often jealous of other students who have the luxury of an “average” teenage life.
I often wonder if I should not have allowed my family environment to have that great an impact, and, in turn, let myself learn how to tolerate failure. I no longer have just a desire to succeed: I often feel that I have no choice but to succeed. My stress level often goes off the charts as my goals to achieve and be at my best sometimes make me mentally exhausted.
So, as I sit here on Saturday night, writing this essay, I wonder who really has been bitten by the teenage bug: me, or the rest of my graduating class. Should I have let my environment influence me the way it has? Will my drive to succeed actually make me more prepared for the professional world? And, should I have set my personal goals as high as I have?
I do not yet know the answers to my questions, but I truly believe I can find them in my years as an undergraduate student at Tufts. My environment has manifested itself in me, and has become internalized in my own mind. In writing this essay, I have come to realize that it is a mixed blessing: I am fortunate to have such a strong work ethic and desire to achieve, but have not yet experienced the aspects of failure that may await me in the real world.
Essay 2
Michael used the following essay in each of his applications.
First experiences can be defining. Cite a first experience that you have had and explain its impact on you.
“Do you think I’m going to do well, Mike?” I was sitting on the edge of my auditorium seat, anxiously waiting for the recital to begin. I then noticed the familiar face of Rachael, a six year-old girl who nervously asked me this question.
Suddenly, my mind wandered to a time earlier in the year when I never thought I would be at the recital with my six prepared piano students. I recalled one of my most disappointing conversations when a parent informed me that her child wanted to stop taking lessons. My goal for the year had been to make piano fun for all of my students, and I felt like I had failed. Although my teacher told me not to take the situation personally, I still felt responsible for a student not enjoying the piano.
That encounter also made me question why I had accepted the day my piano teacher asked me to teach her beginner piano students. Although I had never taught anything previously, I liked the idea of sharing my love for the piano and experiencing something I enjoy from a teacher’s standpoint.
I quickly realized that piano was much different as a teacher. My first few lessons were more difficult to teach than I could have ever imagined. I did not anticipate having to review the alphabet with my students before teaching them the notes! My frustration also grew when I noticed some students learning the notes more quickly than others. I wondered why this was the case, and consequently questioned my teaching techniques.
Surprisingly, I still found myself smiling at the end of most lessons. My moments of disappointment were frequently eclipsed by the many times when my students played well and I could reward them with a sticker. Slowly, I noticed each of them improve.
Yet, as the recital approached, I grew increasingly nervous. I wanted my students to have a positive experience in their first performances. I was thrilled when each of my students was able to tell me that they felt prepared for the “big day.”
After a short period of silence and recalling the highs and lows of my year teaching, I glanced back at Rachael. “Of course I think you’ll do well. You’ve worked hard to prepare, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of teaching you. You’ll be great!” At the time, all I could really think about was not allowing my anxiety to surface!
The recital could not have gone better. Each of my students played flawlessly. A year of hard work felt so rewarding, for both my students and me. I realized that I meant every word I said to Rachael; in fact, I enjoyed the challenges of teaching all of my students.
I could not have anticipated how much I would learn from my first teaching experience. Now, I appreciate the efforts of all my teachers, especially my piano instructor. I also have matured as a teacher and am proud of my ability to interact positively with my students, even when I am frustrated.
When the next piano recital comes around this spring, there will be no reason to be nervous. In fact, I learned the real accomplishment is not how my students play at a recital, but how we work together throughout the year to make teaching and learning piano a rewarding experience.
See this page to find out where this student got in.