College essays that made a difference - Princeton Review 2010
Victoria Mariel Barone
The applicants
Victoria was the editor of her school newspaper. She also played water polo for three years and helped her parents take care of three foster babies at home.
Stats
SAT: 1410 (700 Critical Reading, 710 Math)
SAT Subject Test(s): 770 Math Level 2
High School GPA: 4.35 weighted
High School: Lauralton Hall Academy, Milford, CT
Hometown: Stamford, CT
Gender: Female
Race: Caucasian
Applied To
University of Michigan
University of Notre Dame
University of Southern California
Essay 1
Victoria used the following essay in her application to Notre Dame. According to her, the essay prompt asked the applicant to tell the admissions committee something interesting about him or herself that could not be revealed anywhere else in the application.
Don’t Worry About the Girl
I looked around as I walked into the unfamiliar pool area and spotted “the guys” from my team sitting in the bleachers. I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard someone say, “Excuse me, you have to pay to get in.” Trying to stay calm, I looked at the woman and politely explained that I was playing in the tournament, which meant I did not have to pay for a ticket. Confused and embarrassed, she mumbled, “Oh, good for you.” I knew I would be the only female player that day so I understood her mistake; however, I was still annoyed that I had to explain my presence.
When I play water polo, both my teammates and my opponents are members of the opposite sex. On most occasions, I am the only woman, refreshingly unlike the all-female environment at my school. Although I am regularly a starter for the B-team, I have been selected to join our A-team this year for most of the games. I do not play much during the toughest matches, but I enjoy cheering for my teammates from the bench.
Three years ago, I was an unlikely water polo player until my older brother suggested I join his team, in the Eastern High School Water Polo League. I was sore and tired when I first started practicing. I was lost in the water and afraid to ask the older boys on my team for help, but I was enjoying myself. On the third night of practice, I was hit in the face by a pass from one of the boys. My nose began to bleed profusely. I cried from pain and embarrassment. I thought that would be the end of my water polo career, but my coach convinced me to get back in the water. Once I recovered from that incident, I knew I had finally found a sport I loved.
Over the years, I have learned to deal with being different. During games, opponents overlook me as not being a threat. There are few feelings more satisfying than scoring a goal or stealing the ball after hearing them say, “Don’t worry about the girl, go guard someone else.” I capitalize on the ignorance of boys who feel I am not good enough to play with them. I do not let it bother me when some opponents do not respect me enough to shake my hand after a game. These experiences have taught me how to handle narrow-minded people.
Being on the team has become a very important part of my life. I have proven myself capable to my coach and my teammates. Without being a tomboy, I found my place among the men and maintained my femininity. My self-confidence has grown with the knowledge that I can play such a rough sport. Water polo has taught me to be aggressive, both in and out of the water. I am not be intimidated by people who look bigger or stronger. I have learned not to be too sensitive and to accept a certain amount of teasing. Water polo has been a great source enjoyment for me while helping me develop into a well-rounded person.
Essay 2
Victoria used the following essay in her application to Notre Dame. According to her, the essay prompt involved reading a brochure on the Catholic Church’s views on abortion and euthanasia.
A Winning Alternative
When a young woman made the courageous decision not to abort her unplanned baby girl, my life was enriched. My family, a licensed foster family, was chosen to care for Madelene, who lived with us from the day after she was born until she was adopted ten weeks later. I formed a special bond with our baby, as I was deeply involved in caring for her. I loved to feed her and rock her to sleep on my chest. Wherever I was out with Madelene, I faced many questions from both strangers and acquaintances. I explained that my family takes in foster babies to do our part in offering women an alternative to abortion. We have had three foster babies so far, and each one still has a special place in my heart.
Madelene has already positively affected the lives of many people. I cannot imagine my life without her in it. When she lived with us, she became a part of our family. Each of my five siblings, my parents, and my cousin, who also was living with us, loved Madelene and will never forget her. When I saw her new parents at her Christening a few months after she was adopted, I realized what a wonderful gift she was. Madelene brought untold happiness to the young couple, unable to have children of their own. Viewing the Christening, I was moved by my mother’s dedication and commitment to supporting life. I realized that my mother must have a boundless amount of love to give.
My mother has been an inspiration to me. She has taken into our home both old and young to show her children how important it is to respect life at these fragile times.
When I was eleven years old, my grandmother was ill and confined to a wheelchair. My mother insisted that she live with us when she was no longer able to care for herself. I remember how special it was when I came home from school and my grandmother would be there. I was still small enough to cuddle on her lap in the wheelchair. It was difficult near the end of my grandmother’s life to watch her mental and physical health deteriorate and feel the strain on the relationship between my mother and her mother, but I knew that my mother felt good about her decision. She taught me to be there for those who need me no matter how difficult the situation.
The message in the statement of the Bishops, Faithful for Life, coincides with my personal belief that life of any kind deserves respect. My experiences with Madelene and my grandmother taught me much about this. Caring for these individuals has given me a means of tapping into my heart to share the love that I have. I realize that some people do not share my feeling on these issues, but everyone should be aware when making a moral decision that there are options.
See this page to find out where this student got in.