How to write a winning scholarship essay - Gen Tanabe, Kelly Tanabe 2018

Where’s the point?
12 essays that bombed

Reading an essay without a point is like getting on an airplane without knowing where it’s going. Yet many students turn in essays without any clear message. Consider the following essay and see if you can locate the message the author is trying to convey: Where Has Time Gone?

As I sit at the lunch table, it suddenly hits me. Where has all the time gone? I am a senior in high school who is about to graduate in a matter of months and I have just realized that I might never see my friends after we receive our diplomas.

Surely we’ll see each other at reunions, but what will become of the great moments that we have shared?

I will never forget when one of my friends and I were given the responsibility of putting together a class beach party. My friend wasn’t a very creative or outgoing person, however, he was nearly twice as strong as me. So we came up with a plan. I would do all of the promotion for the party as well as decide the theme and menu. He would be responsible for making sure all of the food, sound equipment and decorations were transported to the beach. It was the perfect plan. Most of our classmates told us afterward that it was the best activity that they’d ever been to.

I sometimes wish I could stay in my school forever. I have learned so much in the last four years. Before I came to high school I didn’t even know what I was capable of intellectually. My teachers have been some of the most inspirational people in my life.

I know that college will bring with it many new memories and experiences and I am looking forward to it. However, I will never forget the friends who stayed by my side and the teachers who cared throughout the good times and the bad.

why this essay bombed

In this essay, the author simply has no meaning in his writing. The essay covers a range of feelings and experiences. By the end of the essay we wonder what we just read. Is the point that the author will miss his friends? Is it that he is able to solve the problem of working with a friend who is not creative or outgoing? Or is it that his teachers have been the most influential people in his life? There is no connection between the disjointed ideas. We are left confused and unimpressed.

How to avoid this mistake

As you are writing, think about what you are trying to convey. Ask the question, “What’s the significance of this essay?” If you can’t answer this question in a single sentence, then it probably means you need to make your message stronger and more clearly defined.

Since there is often limited space for the essay, it is better to stick to a single topic. Select one and develop it throughout the essay. Don’t confuse the scholarship committee by writing about a number of things that have little or no connection to each other.