How to write a winning scholarship essay - Gen Tanabe, Kelly Tanabe 2018

The attempted tearjerker
12 essays that bombed

There were few dry eyes at the end of the movie “Titanic,” and the director wanted it that way. Movies about tragedy are intended to evoke emotion from viewers. Some students do the same thing with their scholarship essay, attempting to win the reader over with dejected accounts of loss, desperation and hopelessness.

Unfortunately, these essays do not appeal to scholarship judges. They do not want to read about how difficult your past has been except within the context of how you’ve faced the challenges or your plans for improving the situation. They want to be inspired by what you have done and see that you are working to make your life better.

My So-Called Life

Someone once said, “Life is like a bowl of cherries--sometimes it’s the pits.” There could be no more accurate saying to describe my life thus far.

Even before I was born there was trouble. When my mother was pregnant she got into a car accident and nearly lost her baby--me! While I don’t recall this event it was clearly an omen of things to come.

Throughout my childhood my parents were never rich. I remember one Christmas how jealous I was when I went back to school and my friends had the newest clothes and toys. Sure, I got gifts but not the kind of expensive presents that my friends had received.

When I was 15 years old I returned home one day and noticed that something was different. Half of the stuff that we owned in our apartment was gone. We had been robbed. The burglar had taken most of the good stuff that we owned. That year my brothers and I had to share a single 21-inch television.

As if things could not get any worse, the next year I learned that I had dia-betes. While not life threatening it was enough to send me into a depres-sion that took months to get out from.

Now that I am about to graduate I feel lucky to even be here given the hardships of my past 17 years. Going to college has been a life-long dream.

This scholarship would help me pay for college and build a better life.

While it is hard to not feel sympathy for an applicant who has suffered misfortunes and hardships, there are almost no scholarships that give money based on how much you have suffered. Rather scholarship judges want to see how you have excelled despite the obstacles in your life. The focus should be on what you have accomplished or what you plan to accomplish in spite of setbacks.

How to avoid this mistake

If the past has been rough, you can certainly write about it. But don’t expect the hardships themselves to make your essay a winner. Make sure to include what you have achieved or what you have learned from these challenges. Write about how the hardships will influence your choices or affect the future. While scholarship judges know that many students have had to endure difficulties, what they want to see is someone who has survived and thrived.