How to write a winning scholarship essay - Gen Tanabe, Kelly Tanabe 2018
The life-changing voyage
12 essays that bombed
Whether backpacking across Europe or climbing Mt. McKinley, there are those students who have traveled the world. A part of their experience is the wealth of memories they brought back home.
Thus, travel is a common topic when it comes to essays. However, essays about travel too often make sweeping generalizations, depict the superficial aspects of the trip or cover the events of two weeks in two pages. Here is an example of a travel essay gone awry: My trip to europe
Two years ago I had the privilege of traveling to six European countries.
There I met many interesting people and saw many interesting sights. In England I got to stand next to the guard who cannot be disturbed from his upright, staring position. In France I got to look out to the horizon from the famous Eiffel Tower. In Belgium I ate frites, which are essentially Belgian french fries. In Germany I saw where the Berlin Wall stood not too many years ago. In Italy I saw the Colosseum, where the Gladiators fought. And finally, in Switzerland I saw the Alps and ate fondue.
Besides having a great time seeing new places and meeting new faces, I also learned a great deal about the cultures of different European countries. I learned that people from different countries are, well, different. They have different mindsets about certain aspects of life and different ways of thinking. However, I also learned that people are, in a way, all the same. All the different ideas and concepts centered on the same areas of thinking and are therefore merely different interpretations of the same thing.
My visit to Europe has definitely changed my view of the world. I hope that someday everyone will have a chance to visit Europe or another foreign land and learn how diverse and similar our world really is.
why this essay bombed
This essay is too much of a diary of sights seen, activities done and food eaten. Virtually any student who visited Europe could have written this—and many will. The essay also makes a general observation of travelers—that while people from different countries have differences we are all essentially the same. The result is that this essay hardly stands out from any other essay about travel.
How to avoid this mistake
Whether your travels have taken you to the Museé du Louvre in Paris or your grandmother’s house in Tulsa, you probably have numerous experiences that could become good essays. However, when you’re considering the possibilities, try to separate those events that could happen to many travelers from those that were truly unique to your visit. Focus on a specific event and elaborate on what it has taught you or how it has affected your life. Instead of writing about all seven days of travel, narrow it to one day or even one hour. Also avoid sweeping generalizations about the people of a country or humanity at large.