How to write a winning scholarship essay - Gen Tanabe, Kelly Tanabe 2018

Behold! My statistics
12 essays that bombed

Have you ever read the back of a baseball card? It is filled with statistics reflecting the player’s performance during the season. It may show that a player is one of the fastest men on the field or that he performs well in the playoffs, but the statistics say nothing about a player as a person. Keep this in mind when writing scholarship application essays.

If you just list statistics such as GPA, classes and activities, the judges will never get meaningful insight into who you really are.

My name is brooke

Hello, my name is Brooke. I will be a senior at Central High School in To-peka, Kansas.

I was born on October 29. I have interests in writing and mathematics. My schedule junior year was as follows: AP English Language, Honors Physics, AP Calculus AB, AP United States History, Honors III Spanish and P.E. My extracurricular activities are varsity cheer and Key Club.

Here are my standardized test scores: 2170 SAT, 620 SAT Literature Subject Test, 610 SAT US History Subject Test, 680 SAT Math Level 2 Subject Test, 4

on AP English, 3 on AP US History and 3 on AP Calculus.

I have worked hard throughout my four years in high school to maintain a 3.7 GPA. I plan to graduate with honors next year. From there I will go to college.

I plan to major in either communications or business in college. The reason I will major in either communications or business is because I love to work with people and I am seriously interested in getting into the entertainment industry.

My favorite subjects in school this past year were AP English and AP Calculus. My hobbies include sewing, playing piano, singing and writing short stories. I currently have a job at a local restaurant.

why this essay bombed

This essay gives a great deal of information about the writer but it says almost nothing about her motivation, dreams or beliefs. Qualities that show your character are the ones in which scholarship judges are most interested. They want a sense of who you are. This isn’t conveyed through a list of statistics. Also, the application often asks for most of this information. So why repeat a list of activities, classes and GPA when the scholarship judges already have your application and transcript?

How to avoid this mistake

It’s easy to write an essay in which you rattle off your status in life and a list of accomplishments. What’s more difficult is putting your place in life and achievements into perspective and making sense of them. Focus on a few of the more important achievements and expand on those.

Since the application form has a place to list activities, grades and test scores, don’t repeat that information in the essay. Use the essay to go beyond your statistics and provide context for their significance.