How to write a winning scholarship essay - Gen Tanabe, Kelly Tanabe 2018
My life as seen on TV
12 essays that bombed
The average American spends dozens of hours watching television each week. It’s not surprising then that entertainment from television, film and music finds its way into scholarship essays. While entertainment is an influence, it is a mistake to draw parallels to something with which there really is little or no connection. Whatever topic you choose to write about should have a relationship to your life.
Liza
A movie I recently saw struck a heartfelt tone in my mind. I realized that the main character, Liza, was forced to struggle through circumstances similar to mine.
After losing her father in World War II, Liza’s mother raised her as a single parent. Through the hardships, Liza’s mother grew physically and mentally stronger because she knew she had to make sure that her daughter would be all right. Liza, however, did not appreciate her mother’s efforts. Liza was an aspiring actress. Her favorite acting part during her senior year was playing Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, the final play of her high school career.
On the night of the final performance, Liza’s mother had a commitment that she could not afford to miss. Liza begged her mother to come in time to hear the last song--a reasonable request--and her mother lovingly promised that she would be there. Liza gave the greatest performance of her Chapter 6: 12 Essays That Bombed 145
life that night and waited patiently for her mother to arrive, until the final song was about to be cued. At that point, Liza began to lose hope, and by the time the song was over she completely hated her mother. Liza waited around after the play until a police officer suddenly pulled up to the school to tell her that her mother had died at the hands of a drunk driver while on her way to the play. Devastated, Liza finally realized how much her mother really loved her.
The movie was especially touching because Liza lived her entire childhood trying to get away from her mother, but lived the remainder of her life appreciating how much her mother actually meant to her. My life story is similar to Liza’s because I too am aspiring to be someone, except I aspire to be a psychologist. Also, I have been fortunate enough not to lose either of my parents, although my father has a strenuous work schedule, and I only see him in the mornings.
I have been inspired by this movie to appreciate the love, support and encouragement that my parents have provided for me in the past and which they continue to provide.
why this essay bombed
Touching story, the movie that is. Not only is the writer’s life nothing like that of Liza’s, the inspiration the writer has received tells us nothing about the writer herself. This essay would work a lot better for someone who has suffered such tragedies and hardships.
How to avoid this mistake
While choosing a topic, it is fine to select one that shares a touching story, but this story should relate to your life. A good story is entertaining, but a better one gives insight into who you are.