HBR Guide to Better Business Writing - Bryan A. Garner 2013
Don’t anesthetize your readers
Avoiding the quirks that turn readers off
It seems obvious that you shouldn’t put your audience to sleep, doesn’t it? It should also be obvious to people who talk in circles at dinner parties or deliver dull lectures, but consider how many boring speakers you’ve had to listen to. It doesn’t have to be that way—whether in conversation or in writing.
Ponder the best conversationalists and the best lecturers you’ve ever heard. No matter how obscure the topic, they make it fascinating through their technique. They avoid trite expressions. They use strong, simple words. Think of Winston Churchill’s famous phrase “blood, toil, tears, and sweat.” And remember what George Washington reputedly said when questioned about the fallen cherry tree: not “It was accomplished by utilizing a small sharp-edged implement,” but “I used my little hatchet.”
Effective writers use the same techniques. Why do you read some books all the way through but set others aside? It’s their style: the way they explain things, the way they tell the story.
Here are several tips for writing business documents that hold readers’ attention.
Use personal pronouns skillfully
Don’t overuse I (try not to begin paragraphs or successive sentences with it), but do lean heavily on we, our, you, and your. Those are personal, friendly words that add human interest and pull readers into a document. Rudolf Flesch, a leading figure in plain-English circles and the author of How to Be Brief, was one of the first to explain the need for you:
Keep a running conversation with your reader. Use the second-person pronoun whenever you can. Translate everything into you language. This applies to citizens over 65 = if you’re over 65, this applies to you. It must be remembered that = you must remember. Many people don’t realize = perhaps you don’t realize. Always write directly to you, the person you’re trying to reach with your message.
Likewise, the words we and our—in reference to your firm or company—make corporations and other legal entities sound as if they have collective personalities (as they should and typically do). People usually appreciate this down-to-earth approach over the sterile, distancing effect of third-person prose. Compare the following examples:
NOT THIS: |
BUT THIS: |
Whether or not a stockholder plans to attend a meeting, he or she should take the time to vote by completing and mailing the enclosed proxy card to the Company. If a stockholder signs, dates, and mails a proxy card without indicating how he or she wants to vote, that stockholder’s proxy will be counted as a vote in favor of the merger. If a stockholder fails to return a proxy card, the effect in most cases will be a vote against the merger. |
Whether or not you plan to attend a meeting, please take the time to vote by completing and mailing the enclosed proxy card to us. If you sign, date, and mail your proxy card without indicating how you want to vote, your proxy will count as a vote in favor of the merger. If you don’t return your card, in most cases you’ll be counted as voting against the merger. |
Use contractions
Many writers have a morbid fear of contractions, having been taught in school to avoid them. But you won’t be breaking any real rules if you use them—and they counteract stuffiness, a major cause of poor writing.
This doesn’t mean that you should become breezy or use much slang—just that it’s good to be relaxed. If you would say something as a contraction, then write it that way. If you wouldn’t, then don’t.
NOT THIS: |
BUT THIS: |
For those customers who do not participate in West Bank’s online banking program, and do not wish to consider doing so, West Bank will continue sending them statements by U.S. Mail. |
If you prefer not to use our online banking program, we’ll continue mailing your statements to you. |
We would like to remind you that it is not necessary to be present to win. We will inform all winners by telephone subsequent to the drawing. |
Remember: You needn’t be present to win the drawing. We’ll call you if you win. |
Stick to simple language
I know I repeat this again and again—but it bears repeating. Readers who can’t follow you will stop trying.
Avoid passive voice
Don’t say “The closing documents were prepared by Sue,” but instead “Sue prepared the closing documents”; not “The message was sent by George,” but either “George sent the message” or “The message came from George.” This guideline is hardly absolute—sometimes passive voice is the most natural way to say what you’re saying. Sometimes it can’t be avoided. (See?) But if you develop a strong habit of using active voice, you’ll largely prevent convoluted, backward-sounding sentences in your writing.
How do you identify passive voice? Remember that it’s invariably a be-verb (typically is, are, was, were) or get, plus a past-tense verb. There are eight be-verbs and countless past participles.
Examples of Passive Voice
is + delivered
are + finished
was + awarded
were + praised
been + adjusted
being + flown
be + served
am + relieved
got + promoted
You will improve your writing if you minimize passive voice. (Not: Your writing will be improved if passive voice is minimized by you.)
Vary the length and structure of your sentences
Monotony, as Cicero once said, is in all things the mother of boredom. It’s true of syntax no less than it’s true of eating or anything else. Sameness cloys. So you want short sentences and long; main clauses and subordinate ones. You want variety.
NOT THIS: |
BUT THIS: |
Over a significant period of time, we have gained experience helping our clients improve operational performance and maximize both the efficiency of their human resources and the economical utilization of their capital. Ours is an integrated approach that both diagnoses and streamlines operating practices and procedures using lean maintenance and optimization tools, while at the same time implementing change-management techniques involving mind-sets and behaviors of those involved in managerial positions within a given organization. |
For many years, we have helped clients better use their resources and improve performance. How? By streamlining operations and changing managers’ mind-sets and behaviors. |
In order to provide you, the user of our products, the option of obtaining free replacements for defective products from the nearest office, we offer a simplified processing without acknowledgment of the statutory duty (“goodwill”) regardless of whether the product has been purchased there or has reached the user by another route. |
What should you do if you need a free replacement for a defective product? Go to the nearest office. Any of our offices can help even if you did not purchase the item there. |
Avoid alphabet soup
Readers find acronyms tiresome, especially ones they’re not familiar with. So use them judiciously. It might be convenient to refer to COGS instead of spelling out “cost of goods sold.” If you also throw in acronyms such as ABC (“activity-based costing”), EBITDA (“earnings before interest, tax, depreciation, and amortization”), and VBM (“value-based management”), the accountants in your audience will follow you—but you’ll lose everyone else. Small wonder, too. People don’t want to master your arcane vocabulary to get what you’re saying.
Surely you’ve had this experience as a reader: You encounter an acronym (a long one if you’re particularly unlucky) and can’t connect it with anything you’ve read in the article or document so far. You find yourself scanning backward through the text, hoping to find the first appearance of that acronym or words that might fit it. By the time you find it (or give up trying), you’ve completely lost the writer’s train of thought. Never put your own readers through that.
Stick to words when you can. Acronyms make writing easier but reading harder. Your shortcut is the reader’s hindrance.
Recap
✵ Don’t overuse I. Use we, our, you, and your instead to add a personal touch and appeal to your reader.
✵ Avoid stuffiness by overcoming any fear you might have of contractions.
✵ For clearer, more straightforward writing, prefer active voice—unless the passive in a particular context sounds more natural.
✵ Vary the length and structure of your sentences.
✵ Make the reader’s job easier by avoiding acronyms when you can.