HBR Guide to Better Business Writing - Bryan A. Garner 2013
E-mails
Common forms of business writing
When you send e-mails, do you usually receive a useful, friendly, timely response? Or one that falls short of that ideal? Or no response at all? If you’re struggling to get your recipients to focus on your messages, it’s because you’re competing with a lot of senders—in some cases, hundreds per day.
Here’s how to write e-mails that people will actually read, answer, and act on:
✵ Get straight to the point—politely, of course—in your first few sentences. Be direct when making a request. Don’t fulsomely butter up the recipient first—although a brief compliment may help (“Great interview. Thanks for sending it. May I ask a favor?”). Spell out deadlines and other details the recipient will need to get the job done right and on time.
✵ Copy people judiciously. Include only those who will immediately grasp why they’re on the thread. And avoid “Reply All.” Your correspondent may have been overinclusive with the “Copy” list, and if you repeat that mistake, you’ll continue to annoy the recipients who shouldn’t be there.
✵ Keep your message brief. People find long e-mails irksome and energy-sapping. The more they have to scroll or swipe, the less receptive they’ll be to your message. They’ll probably just skim it and miss important details. Many people immediately close long e-mails to read the shorter ones. So rarely compose more than a single screen of reading. Focus your content and tighten your language.
✵ Write a short but informative subject line. With a generic—or blank—subject line, your message will get buried in your recipient’s overstuffed inbox. (Not “Program,” but “The Nov. 15 Leadership Program.”) If you’re asking someone to take action, highlight that in the subject line. By making your request easy to find, you’ll improve your chances of getting it fulfilled.
✵ Stick to standard capitalization and punctuation. Good writing conventions may seem like a waste of time for e-mail, especially when you’re tapping out messages on a handheld device. But it’s a matter of getting things right—the little things. Even if people in your group don’t capitalize or punctuate in their messages, stand out as someone who does. Rushed e-mails that violate the basic norms of written language bespeak carelessness. And their abbreviated style can be confusing. It takes less time to write a clear message the first time around than it does to follow up to explain what you meant to say.
✵ Use a signature that displays your title and contact information. It should look professional (not too long or ornate) and make it convenient for others to choose how to reach you.
These tips are pretty commonsensical—but they’re not common practice. To show you how well they work, let’s compare some sample e-mails.
Say you’re trying to help a young friend of yours, a budding journalist, land an internship. You happen to know the editor of a metropolitan newspaper, and you send him a message. Consider these two approaches:
NOT THIS:
Subject: Hello there!
Hal—
It’s been ages, I know, but I’ve been meaning to tell you just how effective I think you’ve been as the editor of the Daily Metropolitan these past seven years. Although I canceled my subscription a few years back (LOL)—the papers kept cluttering the driveway—I buy a copy at the coffee shop almost every day, and I always tell people there just how good the paper is. Who knows, I may have won you some subscribers with all my gushing praise! Believe me, I’m always touting the good old DM.
Anyhoo, I have a mentee I’d like you to meet. You’ll soon be thanking me for introducing you to her. She would like an internship, and I know she’ll be the best intern you’ve ever had. Her name is Glenda Jones, and she is A-1 in every way. May I tell her you will contact her? (With good news, I hope!) It can be unpaid.
I know your paper has fallen on tough times—but she wants to get into the business anyway! Silly girl. Ah, well, what can you do when journalism seems like it’s just in the blood?
Expectantly yours,
Myra
P.S. You’ll thank me for this!
BUT THIS:
Subject: Request for an Interview
Hal-
May I ask a favor of you? Glenda Jones, a really sharp mentee in the township’s Young Leaders program, wants to pursue a career in journalism, and she’s eager to learn how commercial news organizations work. Would you spend 15 minutes chatting with her at your office sometime this month, before school lets out? I know it would be a meaningful introduction for her. You’ll find that she is a poised, mature, smart, and incredibly self-possessed young woman.
She tells me that she’s looking for an unpaid internship. After a brief interview, perhaps you’d consider giving her a one-week tryout as your assistant. I know you’ve been a mentor to many aspiring journalists over the years, but here you have a real standout: editor of her college newspaper, Phi Beta Kappa member, state debate champion.
No pressure here. If it’s a bad summer for you to take on an intern, I’ll completely understand. But please meet with her if you can. I’ve asked her to write to you independently, enclosing her résumé, to give you a sense of her writing skills.
Thanks very much. Hope you and your family are doing well.
Myra
The first version is colossally ineffective—and if Glenda gets an internship it will be very much despite the message from her mentor. The writer is inconsiderate (suggesting that journalism is a thankless career), insensitive (confessing to having canceled her subscription), and horribly presumptuous (acting as if the recipient owes her for “always touting” the newspaper and for suggesting this “A-1” intern—as well as assuming that Glenda must get the job).
The second version is effective because it’s humble, you-centered, considerate (“No pressure here”), and mildly flattering (“I know you’ve been a mentor to many”). Though it’s a little longer than the first one, it gets to the point sooner, and it provides only helpful information. If Glenda has any real potential, she stands a decent chance of getting that interview and possibly landing an internship with this version.
You may occasionally need to reprimand someone in an e-mail—to clearly explain a misstep, to make a record of it, or both. Compare these two examples, which show the right and wrong way to deal with an employee who sent an offensive e-mail to the whole team:
NOT THIS:
Subject: You Are in Trouble
Ted—
What on earth were you thinking when you sent that “joke”? Your coworkers sure didn’t appreciate it one bit, and neither did I. Don’t tell me it was “just a joke.” Haven’t you cracked your employee handbook and read our company’s policies? You’ve never done this before, that I am aware of. Don’t ever send an e-mail like this one again.
Bill Morton
Office Manager
BUT THIS:
Subject: Disruption Caused by Your E-mail
Ted—
What one person considers funny, another may find offensive and insulting. Several people have complained to me about the e-mail headed “Have You Heard This One” that you sent everyone yesterday. I was as upset as they were by the foul language, which is inappropriate for an e-mail sent at work. Our company’s policy does not make an exception for offensive language, even when used in jest. Please think about how future e-mails will affect your coworkers. If I receive complaints again, HR will have to get involved. But I trust that won’t be necessary.
Bill
In the first version, the writer’s anger is clear—and that’s about all that’s clear. Ted will certainly feel stupid (“What on earth were you thinking” and “Haven’t you cracked your employee handbook”) and scared (“Don’t ever”). But the writer doesn’t detail what Ted did wrong and why. And Ted isn’t likely to ask (“Don’t tell me it was ’just a joke’”).
The tone of the second version won’t immediately put the recipient on the defensive. This time, the writer explicitly identifies the source of the problem (“the e-mail headed ’Have You Heard This One’ that you sent everyone yesterday”) and explains the effects, the policy violated, and the consequences. Ted is much more likely to understand his mistake.
Recap
✵ Be as direct as possible while maintaining a polite tone. Come to the point of your e-mail within the first two or three sentences.
✵ Never click “Reply All” without first checking the recipient list. Send your e-mail only to people who need to know its contents.
✵ Keep e-mails brief. Restrict yourself to one screen’s worth of text and keep the message tight and focused so your readers get the point fast.
✵ Write a concise subject line that tells your recipients why you’re writing and what it means to them. If they need to act on your message, make that clear in the subject line.
✵ Diligently adhere to standard writing conven-tions—even when typing with your thumbs on a handheld device.