HBR Guide to Better Business Writing - Bryan A. Garner 2013

Improve what you’ve written
Delivering the goods quickly and clearly

Once you’ve written a complete draft, you’ll revise first and then edit. Revising is a reconsideration of what you’re saying as a whole, and where you’re saying it. It’s rethinking the floor plan. Editing is more a matter of fine-tuning sentences and paragraphs. You need to allow time for both. On the one hand, don’t let some neurotic obsession with perfectionism delay important projects. On the other hand, don’t rashly send things out without proper vetting and improvement.

Revising

As a reviser, you’re asking several questions:

✵ Have I been utterly truthful?

✵ Have I said all that I need to say?

✵ Have I been appropriately diplomatic and fair?

✵ Do I have three parts to the piece—an opener, a middle, and a closer?

✵ In my opener, have I made my points quickly and clearly? And concretely?

✵ Have I avoided a slow wind-up that unnecessarily postpones the message?

✵ In the middle, have I proved my points with specifics?

✵ Is the structure immediately apparent to my readers? Have I used informative headings?

✵ Is my closer consistent with the rest—yet expressed freshly? Have I avoided lame repetition?

Editing

When it comes to editing, you’re asking different questions as you read through your sentences and paragraphs:

✵ Can I save some words here?

✵ Is there a better way of phrasing this idea?

✵ Is my meaning unmistakable?

✵ Can I make it more interesting?

✵ Is the expression relaxed but refined?

✵ Does one sentence glide into the next, without discontinuities?

An example of revising and editing

To understand the process more concretely, let’s take a look at how an internal memo takes shape through three drafts. The first draft is not very clear and omits important information, but the germ of an idea is there:

First Draft

To: All Sales Personnel

From: Chris Hedron

Subject: Changes in Order-Processing Procedure

In order to facilitate the customers’ placement of orders, a new order-processing procedure has been designed. The process will require a customer to enter the product and/or service code into our order-entry system, which will then generate a quote for the job and return it to the customer for approval. This will make time for the customer to review the quote and transmit any changes before work begins. Upon receipt of the customer’s written approval, the quote will be transformed into a work order. This procedure will make it easier and faster for us to process customers’ orders.

This memo needs some amplification, especially in the realms of who, what, why, and when. The second draft, a full-fledged revision, fleshes out much that was unclear about the first draft.

Second Draft

To: All Sales Personnel

From: Chris Hedron

Subject: New Work-Order-Processing Procedure

Because our current work-order-processing procedure requires a lot of paperwork and phone calls, it’s difficult for customers to make changes prior to the commencement of work. The procedure is inefficient and subject to numerous errors. And it takes up to four weeks from quote to approval to work order. So we have designed a new four-step order-processing procedure that will allow customers to place orders through our website and allow us to begin jobs faster.

Beginning in January 2013, we will inform our customers about the new procedure, and on April 20, 2013, we will implement the new procedure, which will work as follows. First, to initiate or change a work order, customers can visit our website to request a quote by filling out a detailed form and providing a purchase-order number. Second, we will transmit a quote to the customer for approval. Third, if the customer approves, they can return the quote with an electronic signature and purchase-order number. Fourth, we will transform the quote to a work order immediately. Work-order changes can be made using the same procedure except that instead of a quote, customers will request a work-order change.

The focus there was on saying all that needed to be said—not on refining the expression. Now, though, it’s possible to engage in fine-tuning and to produce a much-improved draft.

Third Draft

To: All Sales Personnel

From: Chris Hedron

Subject: New Work-Order-Processing Procedure

Our current work-order processing takes a lot of paperwork and phone calls, so it’s hard for our customers to make changes to the work before it begins. The procedure is inefficient and subject to error. And it takes up to four weeks from quote to approval to work order. We have therefore designed a new four-step procedure that has two key benefits: (1) Customers can place orders through our website, and (2) we can start jobs faster.

Beginning January 2013, we’ll tell our customers about the new procedure. On April 20, 2013, we’ll implement it. The new procedure will work in four steps:

✵ Customers can visit our website to request a quote for a job by filling out a form and providing a purchase-order number.

✵ We’ll then send a quote for the customer’s approval.

✵ The customer can return the approved quote with a digital signature.

✵ We’ll instantly convert the quote to a work order.

Work-order changes can be made using the same procedure except that instead of a quote, customers will request a work-order change.

Recap

✵ Allow yourself ample time to revise and edit your work.

✵ Consider your draft in its entirety. Take a fresh look at your content and structure: Have you said everything you need to—and in the most effective way?

✵ Then edit your work, fine-tuning to tighten, sharpen, and refine your prose.