Avoid interrupting subjects and verbs with more than a word or two - Revising sentences - Part I. Research and writing: from planning to production

A manual for writers of research papers, theses, and dissertations, 7th edition - Kate L. Turabian 2007

Avoid interrupting subjects and verbs with more than a word or two
Revising sentences
Part I. Research and writing: from planning to production

Once past a short subject, readers want to get to a verb quickly, so avoid splitting a verb from its subject with long phrases and clauses:

7a. Some economists, because they write in a style that is impersonal and objective, do not communicate with lay people easily.

In (7a), the because clause separates the subject some economists from the verb do not . . . communicate, forcing us to suspend our mental breath. To revise, move the interrupting clause to the beginning or end of its sentence, depending on whether it connects more closely to the sentence before or after. When in doubt, put it at the end (for more on this see 11.1.5);

7b. Because some economists write in a style that is impersonal and objective, they do not communicate with lay people easily. This inability to communicate . . .

7c. Some economists do not communicate with lay people easily because they write in a style that is impersonal and objective. They use passive verbs and . . .

Readers manage short interruptions more easily:

8. Few economists deliberately write in a style that is impersonal and objective.