How to not write bad - Ben Yagoda 2013

An incredibly geeky point
How to not write wrong

In typewriter days, the keyboard provided a single vertical mark to indicate apostrophe, opening single quote, and closing single quote. But in a published text, these are not the same. The apostrophe and the closing single quote are the same and look like this: ’. The opening single quote looks like this: ’.

This was no problem back then: if a typewritten (or handwritten) text was going to be published, typesetters would take care of sorting out the apostrophes and single quotes. The trouble came with the arrival of word processing programs. Computer keyboards also have a single key for those three symbols, but the programs offer print-style fonts and think they are smart enough to figure out which symbol you want in a particular situation. That’s not always the case, however. Consider the following sentence, which I let Microsoft Word have its way with:

[Rock ’n’ roll was very big in the ’60s.]

There should be an apostrophe before n and 60s, to indicate stuff that is left out, the same way the apostrophe works in contractions like can’t or I’m. Instead, there is an opening single quote. I admitted this was a geeky point, and the fact is that 99 percent of people, or more, won’t notice the problem. But to me it counts as bad writing. If you agree and want to correct the error, there are various workarounds. The one I use is to trick the program by typing a second apostrophe after the incorrect one:

[Rock ’’n’ roll was very big in the ’’60s.]

Then if you delete the incorrect one, you will be left with true apostrophes:

Rock ’n’ roll was very big in the ’60s.

2. -

Hyphenation can cause vexation. It certainly did in one of my students, who handed in an article containing this sentence:

[Our day began with a run down of the up-coming shark cage diving experience.]

At three points in the sentence, he had to make one of three choices: separate words, hyphenated phrase, or one word. He made a wrong choice every time. Rundown and upcoming may have been separate or hyphenated at one time in the history of the English language (that’s generally the way phrases evolve over time—base ball to base-ball to baseball), but now they’re one word. How are you supposed to know that? Well, the more you read, the more you get a feel for it. But leaving that aside, there’s a simple answer: LOOK THEM UP IN THE DICTIONARY! Do the same for words formed with prefixes like un, self, ex, all, de, non, and re.

That sounds a little easier than it is and brings up a conundrum I think of as the Blind Spot Problem. It derives from the notion of the vehicular blind spot—the idea that, while driving, you cannot see some areas of the road through your rearview or side mirrors or by looking due left or due right, and thus you have to turn around to see if it’s okay to change lanes, a risky move at high speeds.

If you are puzzled or unsure about a particular issue of spelling, punctuation, or grammar (a known unknown), there is help to be had in various kinds of online and print resources. But what if you aren’t aware that you aren’t aware of how it’s supposed to be done? That’s the Blind Spot Problem (BSP for short). Where it presents the biggest problem, nowadays, is the general issue of word separation. There seems to be a widespread desire to take compound words that have been recognized as such for decades, sometimes centuries, and take them apart again. I have read countless assignments with such phrases as:

Work place

Long time (adjective)

Life time

Fire works

Weather man

Mean time

Some times

Touch down (in foot ball; I mean, football)

Under ground (adjective)

So how do you defeat the blind spot and realize that you don’t know? My best answer is the equivalent of craning your neck in a car. (Fortunately, this is totally safe at your desk or in the library.) That is, teach yourself that there is a category of unknowns having to do with the question of one word, two words, or a hyphenation. Learn to recognize the situations where the question arises, and that the trend of the English language over time is toward one-word compounds. If you have to make a choice—let’s say you want to refer to an underground, under-ground, or under ground bunker—and if you are anything less than 100 percent certain which one it should be, look it up, in a dictionary or on a reliable Web site.

The first couple of dozen times, your neck will probably feel pretty sore from all that virtual craning. But after time you’ll get a sense of the way the rules work, and you can cruise along

Speaking of the rules, let’s get back to my student who referred to a shark cage diving experience. He couldn’t have looked that up, since the dictionary doesn’t have an entry for it, but he shouldn’t have had to. Shark cage diving is a compound adjective—that is, a phrase, made up of two or more words, that modifies a noun—and compound adjectives before a noun (experience) get hyphenated:

my shark-cage-diving experience

any school-age children

some out-of-date and messed-up ideas

a seven-year-old boy

the happy-face button

an I-just-ate-something-that-really-disagreed-with-me expression

There are three notable situations where a compound adjective is not hyphenated. The first is when the modifying phrase consists of all adjectives or an adverb followed by an adjective. For example, A standard yellow school bus is a remarkably attractive vehicle. Second, you don’t hyphenate proper nouns or extremely familiar two-word phrases. Thus, Our high school graduation was held in the Yankee Stadium parking lot. (One exception to this is the quaintly named institution The New-York Historical Society, a classic test for copyeditors.) And finally, the hyphens are usually dispensed with when the compound phrase stands alone—that is, does not precede a noun:

[The boy is seven-years-old, the ideas are out-of-date, and I am fed-up.]

The boy is seven years old, the ideas are out of date, and I am fed up.

Finally, please note that it’s never correct to put space before a hyphen (except in very rare cases, like a reference to “the suffix —less”) It’s correct to put space after a hyphen in only one situation, of which this is an example:

This year Rollins had 17- and 28-game hitting streaks.

3. —

A dash—sometimes known as an “em-dash”—is created when you type two hyphens in a row. (Your word processing program, as if by magic, will make them into one solid line.) Do not put a space before or after the dash.

[I hate one day of the week- Monday.]

[I hate one day of the week - Monday.]

[I hate one day of the week - - Monday.]

I hate one day of the week—Monday.

Don’t put any other punctuation before or after a dash, even if doing so seems to make sense. This was customary in the nineteenth century and before. It is not now.

[The vice president asked for a pay raise—his first in seven years—, never thinking the media would hear about it.]

The vice president asked for a pay raise—his first in seven years—never thinking the media would hear about it.

Finally, limit your dashes. The maximum is one per sentence (if you’re using it as a colon substitute) or two (if you’re using them in place of parentheses.). Beyond that lies confusion.

[He accumulated one college degree—from Michigan State—and two PhDs—from Harvard and NYU—before his thirtieth birthday.]

He accumulated one college degree (from Michigan State) and two PhDs (from Harvard and NYU) before his thirtieth birthday.

4. ,

a. Identification crisis

Commas yield the most errors of any category of punctuation, and their use in identification yields the highest percentage of comma errors. When a poor or mindless writer is at the keyboard, you can be pretty certain he or she will get this wrong. Getting it right is a matter of studying the rules, some mindful focus, and practicing hearing-with-your-mind’s-ear writing. Anyway, if you can master this entry, you will have taken several big and important steps in the right direction.

Take a look at this sentence:

[I went to see the movie, True Grit with my friend, Bill.]

It’s very common to put a comma after movie and friend—and sometimes after Grit—in examples such as this. But doing so is wrong—unless True Grit is the only movie in the world and Bill is the speaker’s only friend.

The first is definitely not the case, and you can be fairly confident the second isn’t, either. Therefore, the correct form is:

I went to see the movie True Grit with my friend Bill.

If that seems funky or weird or anything short of clearly right, bear with me a minute and take a look at another correct sentence.

I went to see the Coen brothers’ latest movie, True Grit, with my oldest friend, Bill.

You need a comma after movie because True Grit and only True Grit is the brothers’ latest film, and after Bill because he and only he is the speaker’s oldest friend. (For why you need one after Grit, see the next entry.)

The structure we’re talking about is identifier-noun. The general rule is that if the noun is not the only thing in the world described by the identifier, leave out the comma. But if the identifier describes that noun and that noun alone, the comma is required.

There is one exception. If the identifier is preceded by a, an, a number, or a quantifying phrase like a couple of, use a comma before and after the noun.

A local merchant, Bob Hamilton, has opened his second Taco Bell.

Two members of the Hall of Fame, Johnny Bench and Willie Mays, will give speeches at the event.

With the or a possessive before the identifier, the basic rule applies. That is, use a comma if the identifier describes a unique person or thing:

The president of the Springfield Bar Association, Harold Cullen, was reelected unanimously.

My son, John, is awesome. (If you have just one son.)

But withhold the comma if not unique:

My son John is awesome. (If you have more than one son.)

The artist David Hockney is a master of color.

[I love the cellist, Yo-Yo Ma.]

If nothing comes before the identification, don’t use a comma; the word the is implied.

[The keynote speech was given by attorney, Harold Cullen.]

The keynote speech was given by attorney Harold Cullen.

No one seems to have a problem with the idea that if the identification comes after the noun, it should always be surrounded by commas:

Harold Meyerson, a local merchant, gave the keynote address.

However, students often wrongly omit a the or a in sentences of this type:

[Jill Meyers, sophomore, is president of the sorority.]

Jill Meyers, a sophomore, is president of the sorority.

[The U.S. was represented by Hillary Clinton, secretary of state.]

The U.S. was represented by Hillary Clinton, the secretary of state.

Sometimes the identifier consists of the, a, or a possessive followed by two or more adjectives. In some cases, a comma goes between the adjectives, and in some cases not.

a. [In my safe I have a valuable, wooden nickel.]

b. In my safe I have a valuable wooden nickel.

a. [The best fruit of all is a ripe juicy flavorful peach.]

b. The best fruit of all is a ripe, juicy, flavorful peach.

Why is a wrong and b right, and how can you decide whether to use commas in these situations? The rule I learned in junior high school still holds. Anytime you can insert the word and between adjectives and it still sounds fine, use a comma. If not, don’t.

b. The Case(s) of the Missing Comma

i. A related issue is the epidemic of missing commas after parenthetical phrases or appositives—that is, self-enclosed material that’s within a sentence, but not essential to its meaning.

[My father, who gave new meaning to the expression hardworking never took a vacation.]

My father, who gave new meaning to the expression hardworking, never took a vacation.

[He was born in Des Moines, Iowa in 1964.]

He was born in Des Moines, Iowa, in 1964.

[Philip Roth, author of Portnoy’s Complaint and many other books is a perennial contender for the Nobel Prize.]

Philip Roth, author of Portnoy’s Complaint and many other books, is a perennial contender for the Nobel Prize.

I’m not sure why this mistake is so tempting. It may sometimes be because these phrases are so long that by the time we get to the end of them, we’ve forgotten about the first comma. In any case, a strategy to prevent it is to remember the acronym ICE. That is, whenever you find yourself using a comma to precede an Identification, Characterization, or Explanation, remember that the ICE has to be followed by a second comma. (The exception is when the ICE ends the sentence, in which case it’s followed by a period.)

ii. Students also commonly leave out the comma after a modifying phrase or dependent clause.

[By instituting all these new rules so soon after the start of the semester the university is creating chaos.]

By instituting all these new rules so soon after the start of the semester, the university is creating chaos.

[When the time is right to introduce a campaign the public relations department will get busy.]

When the time is right to introduce a campaign, the public relations department will get busy.

Note that this rule holds even when the modifying phrase or clause doesn’t start out the sentence.

[Carson tried to slip into the conference unnoticed, but since he was wearing a blindingly white suit that didn’t happen.]

Carson tried to slip into the conference unnoticed, but since he was wearing a blindingly white suit, that didn’t happen.^*

You can’t go wrong in using a comma after a modifying phrase or dependent clause. However, in the case of a very short phrase—three words or less, and especially in the case of time elements—it can be okay or even preferable to leave the comma out.

Tomorrow I’ll be home.

Nowadays people leave out commas when they can get away with it.

But note that even with a short intro, a comma is often needed to avoid ambiguity. Scrutinize the sentence to find out.

[However last night’s performance was a triumph.]

However, last night’s performance was a triumph.

[Despite the law students tailgated in greater numbers than last year.]

Is the writer talking about law students? No. So:

Despite the law, students tailgated in greater numbers than last year.

iii. When a sentence consists of two or more independent clauses (groups of words that can stand on their own as a sentence) joined by a conjunction, such as and or but, put a comma before (but not after) the conjunction

[I waited in the terminal for two and a half hours but the bus never came.]

I waited in the terminal for two and a half hours, but the bus never came.

As in section ii., the comma can sometimes be omitted when the clauses are very short (and there’s no confusion or ambiguity). But you can never go wrong in using it.

She likes me but I like her roommate.

She likes me, but I like her roommate.

c. But, a Comma Feels Right!

Roughly at the beginning of the twenty-first century, I began to see a lot of sentences like:

[But, I don’t agree.]

And:

[And, using a comma this way is weirdly popular.]

By now, students put a comma in that spot more often than they don’t. Commas after sentence-starting Buts, Ands, and Yets have even started to show up in Associated Press dispatches and New York Times articles, as well as in blogs and other writing on the Web. I think people use commas in this spot to mimic the pause they might insert when speaking such sentences. But for the last 150 years or so, punctuation rules have been based on grammar, not sound. And so a comma here is wrong.^*

More generally, students seem to reach for a comma whenever they feel any anxiety about a sentence’s syntax, when they find themselves using an unfamiliar word, to separate a long noun phrase from a verb or a long adjective phrase from a noun, or just when they feel a pause coming on:

[Approximately, fifteen percent of the class are minority group members.]

[Everyone who signed the petition, was disciplined.]

[Smith described the concert as, “a blast.”]

[He shares a house with three, senior, premed students.]

[Megan washed the dishes, and, wiped the counter.]

All the commas in all those sentences need to go. As with all punctuation, the general trend over time is “Less is more.” A good strategy for commas is, if you can’t name a specific reason why it needs to be there, leave it out.

d. Splice Girls…and Boys

Comma splice is a term for the linking of two independent clauses (that is, grammatical units that contain a subject and a verb and could stand alone as sentences) with a comma instead of a semicolon, period, or conjunction. As I noted in the introduction, when I started teaching I was gobsmacked by the multitude of comma splices that confronted me. They have not abated.

[He used to be a moderate, now he’s a card-carrying Occupy Wall Street type.]

He used to be a moderate. Now he’s a card-carrying Occupy Wall Street type.

He used to be a moderate; now he’s a card-carrying Occupy Wall Street type.

He used to be a moderate, but now he’s a card-carrying Occupy Wall Street type.

The second, third, and fourth examples are equally correct. You make your choice by, you got it, reading aloud and picking the one that best suits the context, your style, and your ear. Here, I would go with the semicolon. How about you?

Be careful of the word however. A recent trend is to use it as a conjunction (sort of a fancier version of but); down that road lie commas splices, and trouble.

[Tuition will go up again next year, however, it will be the smallest increase in five years.]

Tuition will go up again next year. However, it will be the smallest increase in five years.

Tuition will go up again next year, but it will be the smallest increase in five years.

Comma splices are okay in rare cases, including sentences where even a semicolon would slow things down too much:

I talked to John, John talked to Lisa.