How to not write bad - Ben Yagoda 2013

Lengthy is desirable short is good (II)
How to not write bad

Early in this part, I talked about using the shortest word that expresses your meaning and used a passage from The Elements of Style to illustrate the point. The same is true of sentences. Here is a famous passage from the original edition of the book, published as a pamphlet by William Strunk in 1918, in which Strunk explains what he means by the motto “Omit needless words”:

Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.

Frankly, I am not so wild about Strunk’s use of the words unnecessary and needless. They wrongly imply, it seems to me, that there is one right way to express any particular thought, and that the way to achieve it is just to pare away all extraneous words until you get there. But I get what he means and I certainly concur with the sentiment “Vigorous [or “not-bad”] writing is concise.” I like his acknowledgment that a good long sentence can be very cool. And I love his use of the old-fashioned verb tell (in the old-fashioned subjunctive voice, no less). In a not-bad sentence, every word is serving a purpose. You should be able to identify what that purpose is. A good deal of revision involves going over your sentences and identifying words that aren’t serving a purpose and, as Strunk would say, omitting them.

Writing concisely is both selfish and generous. It’s generous because it contains an implicit acknowledgment that the reader’s time is valuable and that you do not intend to waste it. It’s selfish because, compared to verbosity, it is a much more effective way to get your point across.

Admittedly, it takes a good deal of time and effort to achieve. It’s much easier to write long than to write short. You could call it the Dickens Fallacy: somehow, we all seem to have an ingrained sense that we’re being paid by the word. Once you get that excessive sentence down, then examining it for those needless words is laborious in itself. And when you’ve spotted them, you generally can’t just pluck them out and be done with it; the sentence has to be reshaped. But all this has always been the case.

Below are some pieces of verbosity from students’ work, with edits.

[The book compiles fifty-two pieces of work from forty-five different writers each and every one of whom has a special connection to the tiny state of Delaware.]

The book has fifty-two pieces of work from forty-five writers, each with a Delaware connection.

[Cromartie hopes students leave the presentations with a better appreciation and understanding of the people of Uganda, the strife they are living with daily and the impoverished conditions from which they are trying to rise above through the education of children and vocational training for adults.]

Cromartie said he hoped students would leave the presentations with a better understanding of both the people of Uganda and the efforts they’re making to improve the terrible conditions there.

[City council members expressed inspections are to insure the healthy living environments residing within rental properties as well as to protect the city from future incidents.]

That one combines wordiness with vagueness. It’s missing information, and I have used my poetic license to provide it.

Two city council members made the point that inspections are important, both to promote the health of residents and to protect the city from lawsuits.

[In an age that could not have even anticipated news being spread via the Internet, broadcast journalism took the media world by storm and allowed reporters to pledge their allegiance through trustworthy pieces aimed to satisfy the public interest.]

In the 1950s and ’60s, broadcast journalism became more popular and effective.

[Not only do journalists possess an undying passion to uncover and showcase relevant information to enhance the public’s knowledge on current events, but exhibit a willingness to go to great lengths to obtain stories fit to print.]

The best journalists are passionate about their work and indefatigable in tracking down stories.