7 Steps to Better Writing - Charles Maxwell 2020
Keep it simple – less can be more
Step 6 – Revise
The simplest approach to writing better is to write simpler. Focus on one idea and develop it with simple logic. Write shorter sentences. Use simpler words.
Father Tom Allender, S.J. said it well, “If you don’t keep it awfully simple, it will become simply awful.”[14]
Focus on One Idea
As you edit your draft, you may discover that you have mixed several ideas together. This can occur at the document level or at the paragraph level. If the ideas represent a progression, then great; but if you are simultaneously developing several parallel ideas, it is better to divide distinct ideas into different paragraphs, separate sections, or discrete documents.
Use simpler words
Short words often work better than long words. Consider the following examples.
Long words |
Short words |
additional |
more |
anticipate |
foresee |
authorize |
approve |
compensate |
pay |
cooperation |
help |
currently |
now |
designate |
show |
endeavor |
try |
indicate |
show |
inform |
tell |
initial |
first |
retain |
keep |
requisition |
order |
solicit |
ask |
telecommunication |
call |
investigation |
test |
Richard Lederer shows the power of short words in the following passage:[15]
When you speak and write, there is no law that says you have to use big words. Short words are as good as long ones, and short, old words—like sun and grass and home—are best of all. A lot of small words, more than you might think, can meet your needs with a strength, grace, and charm that large words do not have.
Big words can make the way dark for those who read what you write and hear what you say. Small words cast their clear light on big things—night and day, love and hate, war and peace, and life and death. Big words at times seem strange to the eye and the ear and the mind and the heart. Small words are the ones we seem to have known from the time we were born, like the hearth fire that warms the home.
Short words are bright like sparks that glow in the night, prompt like the dawn that greets the day, sharp like the blade of a knife, hot like salt tears that scald the cheek, quick like moths that flit from flame to flame, and terse like the dart and sting of a bee.
Here is a sound rule: Use small, old words where you can. If a long word says just what you want to say, do not fear to use it. But know that our tongue is rich in crisp, brisk, swift, short words. Make them the spine and the heart of what you speak and write. Short words are like fast friends. They will not let you down.
This is not to say that you cannot use big words. If you are a geologist, such terms as “depositional environment” and “Paleoproterozoic tectonic subduction zone” convey precise meanings, and they should be used. This is true for all scientific and business disciplines. Technical writing requires precise phrases and long words. Use the words that convey meaning.
On the other hand, avoid needlessly inflating your vocabulary. If you have a choice between a long word and a short word, choose the short word. Your readers will welcome it.
Economize — omit needless words
Single words often can replace entire phrases. Economize by eliminating extra, needless, unnecessary, redundant, nonessential, superfluous, and excessively elongated and wordy expressions. The following examples illustrate a single word replacing a phrase.
Poor: wordy phrases |
Better: single words |
at the current point in time |
now |
at that point in time |
then |
call your attention to the fact that |
note / see |
in support of the idea |
thus |
performed an evaluation of |
evaluated |
in most of the cases |
often |
participated in discussions to determine how to |
planned |
due to the fact that |
because |
owing to the fact |
because |
the reason why is that |
because |
facilitate a change |
update |
line-of-sight forward-looking view |
forecast |
Sometimes entire phrases can be eliminated. Consider the following examples, where emphasis indicates unnecessary words.
Poor: Unnecessary Phrase |
|
- |
The engineers discussed methods that can be taken to complete the project. |
Better: Phrase Eliminated |
|
+ |
The engineers discussed methods to complete the project. |
+ |
The engineers discussed how to complete the project. |
+ |
The engineers discussed completing the project. |
Poor: Unnecessary Phrase |
|
- |
The use of insulation is necessary to prevent freezing. |
Better: Phrase Eliminated |
|
+ |
Insulation is necessary to prevent freezing. |
+ |
Insulation prevents freezing. |
Poor: Unnecessary Phrase |
|
- |
The transformer will handle instances of 50% additional current. |
Better: Phrase Eliminated |
|
+ |
The transformer will handle 50% additional current. |
Poor: Unnecessary Phrase |
|
- |
The circuits can be used in series to suit circumstances in which more than one is required. |
Better: Phrase Eliminated |
|
+ |
The circuits can be used in series. |
+ |
The circuits operate in series. |
Poor: Unnecessary Phrase |
|
- |
The warning light indicated that a failure had occurred. |
Better: Phrase Eliminated |
|
+ |
The warning light indicated a failure. |
In the following examples, emphasis indicates unnecessary words. Underlining (in red, green, and violet on devices that show color) indicates thoughts that have been re-expressed more efficiently.
Poor: Unnecessary Words |
|
- |
We continued the teleconference discussions with corporate vendors to finalize the requisition purchase order closures. |
Better: Sentence Streamlined |
|
+ |
We talked to vendors to close the orders. |
Poor: Unnecessary Words |
|
- |
They decided to defer shipment of the order until the inspector could arrange an on-site inspection so that the matter could be resolved simultaneously to his being present. |
Better: Sentence Streamlined |
|
+ |
They waited until the inspector could be present before shipping the order. [The last phrase is unnecessary and thus was eliminated.] |
Poor: Unnecessary Words |
|
- |
The project manager continued to administer the preliminary initial engineering development design work in support of the permitting activities. |
Better: Sentence Streamlined |
|
+ |
The project manager supported permitting by supervising preliminary design. |
Consider eliminating unnecessary words, such as really, very, kind-of, sort-of.
Also, consider replacing perfect verb tenses when simpler verb tenses work as well. There is a slight difference in meaning, but often the distinction is unimportant. Perfect tense verbs include the helper words has, have, had, and having. Consider the following examples.
Perfect Tense |
|
- |
I have been reviewing the report. |
Simpler: Without Perfect Tense |
|
+ |
I reviewed the report. |
+ |
I am reviewing the report. |
Perfect Tense |
|
- |
I have been considering having the company buy another insurance policy. |
Simpler: Without Perfect Tense |
|
+ |
I considered having the company buy another insurance policy. |
+ |
I want the company to buy another insurance policy. |
In summary, avoid bloat by cutting words that fail to carry their weight.
Prefer short sentences over long sentences
Short sentences often work better than long sentences. Many style guides recommend keeping the average sentence length to no more than 15-20 words. This provides for some sentences being longer and others being shorter. However, you may find even shorter sentences are better.
The problem with long sentences is they require more time and brainpower to process. This slows the reading process and can reduce comprehension.
Consider the following example. The poor passage consists of 1 paragraph, 2 sentences, and 88 words, thus averaging 44 words per sentence. The second example splits the statement into 2 paragraphs and 5 sentences, reduces the word count to 66 words, and drops the average sentence length to 13 words.
Poor: Long Sentences |
|
- |
Following publication of the document, the Draft Environmental Impact Statement (DEIS) and all ancillary technical reports will at that time undergo public review and comment with any significant comments and changes being incorporated into the document or explained as not being included by the government agency in their publication of a Final Environmental Impact Statement (FEIS). Normally, following the publication of the DEIS, the project is substantially defined from a technical, environmental, and socioeconomic perspective, and the project’s impacts to land, water, and air resources are fully defined. |
Better: Shorter Sentences |
|
+ |
Following its publication, the draft Environmental Impact Statement (EIS) and its supporting technical reports will undergo public review. The agency will revise the draft EIS to produce the final EIS. In addition, the agency will explain comments it excluded. Publication of the draft EIS signals that the agency has fully examined the project. By then, the agency has defined impacts to land, water, and air resources. |
Sometimes ideas require long paragraphs, long sentences, and long words, but generally short and simpler writing works better. That said, do not be a slave to short sentences. Using a mixture of short and modestly long sentences and moderate and short paragraphs provides variety and improves interest.
Also, sentences that adhere to the same development pattern can become monotonous. While using good judgment, consider variations.
Other techniques to eliminate wordiness
Write to the point. Take care to avoid verb phrases when single-word verbs will do, such as the following.
Wordy: Verb Phrases |
Leaner: Single-Word Verbs |
continued to work on the project |
worked on the project |
kept taking the patient’s temperature |
took the patient’s temperature |
Be aware of “-ation” and “-sion” words, such as: action, coordination, customization, discussion, finalization, individualization, initiation, justification, materialization, normalization, operation, participation, rationalization, suspension, transformation, winterization, etc. Replace these nouns with their corresponding verbs. Here are examples.
Nouns ending in |
Verbs |
action |
act |
coordination |
coordinate |
creation |
create |
expectation |
expect |
indication |
indicate |
transformation |
transform |
Here are more examples of word economy.
Poor: Wordy |
|
- |
We continued to oversee coordination of engineering development work by Bechtel on the preliminary engineering design of the waste disposal system in support of the ongoing permitting discussions. |
Better: Streamlined |
|
+ |
We coordinated Bechtel’s engineering of the waste disposal system. This supports permitting. |
Poor: Wordy |
|
- |
Roger continued to engage in work to plan the selection of the preferred route for the water pipe line. |
Better: Streamlined |
|
+ |
Roger planned the water supply route. |
Poor: Wordy |
|
- |
I continued discussions via teleconferences with equipment vendors to finalize closures and suspensions of purchase orders. |
Better: Streamlined |
|
+ |
I worked with vendors to close and suspend purchase orders. |
In summary, keep your writing lean.