Step 7: If something feels wrong, fix it - The seven steps

The only business writing book you’ll ever need - Laura Brown, Rich Karlgaard 2019

Step 7: If something feels wrong, fix it
The seven steps

“So much aggravation and time-wasting could be avoided if people would just stop and think before they hit Send”.

—SURVEY RESPONDENT

Ever finish a writing task and feel like there’s something wrong? It could be an e-mail, or it could be something longer, like a proposal. It’s not a great feeling, but it’s also not uncommon. Most people who have this apprehension will struggle a little bit, maybe glance over their writing, fight back the feeling, and send the thing anyway. I’m going to suggest that you do not do that—that instead you spend a little more time figuring out what’s bugging you and fix it, rather than sending something you’re not confident about.

How? Let’s look at a quick method for checking over your writing.

First, run through Steps 1—6 quickly.

Step 1: Get the ask clear

Step 2: Write for your reader

Step 3: Start strong and specific

Step 4: Be concise

Step 5: Fill in missing content; delete extraneous content

Step 6: Write in plain English

Look especially closely at Steps 1 and 2—they’re harder than they seem, and sometimes some extra attention to refining your purpose and writing for your reader will solve whatever problem you’re facing. Step 5, Fill in missing content; delete extraneous content, is also worth special consideration. It’s common to have afterthoughts about the information you’re including. Have you said too much or too little?

What else might be bothering you?

Confidentiality

Maybe you’re getting that nagging feeling because you’re putting something in writing that you shouldn’t. Are you including something that could make you or your company look bad? What if the content of your message or document became public? If that idea bothers you, you should probably revise what you’ve written.

Commitment

Are you overpromising? Are you committing to something you’re not sure you can deliver? If you’re making a commitment you’re not sure you can meet, you should probably revise your message.

Politics

Does your document or message contain something that’s politically unwise? Are you oversharing, about either yourself or someone else? Are you blaming someone when you shouldn’t be? Are you aligning with someone you shouldn’t or failing to align with someone you should? Political issues at work can be quite delicate, and if you’ve rushed through your writing, you might not have hit the right note the first time through. Take some time to consider your position and perhaps revise it.

Punctuation

Don’t laugh. Who remembers the rules for comma usage? No one, that’s who. Most of us have forgotten punctuation rules, if we ever learned them in the first place, and worries about punctuation can make otherwise good writers feel insecure about their writing. There’s a very easy remedy for this: review the rules and be sure you’re using punctuation correctly. Refer to the “Punctuation” section at the back of this book (starting here) as often as you need to. ­Answering your punctuation questions can boost your confidence as a writer. Don’t let punctuation bring you down.

Laziness

Laziness strikes even the most conscientious writers from time to time. Possible signs of laziness in your writing include lack of clarity and poor logical connections. Don’t worry—this is precisely why we break the writing process into steps and work with drafts: to enable you to catch problems before you send them out into the world. Go back and put in a little extra effort to ensure that what you’re sending is clear and complete.

Tone

Often when we feel that our writing “just doesn’t sound right,” the problem lies with the tone of what we’ve written. Most good everyday business writing uses a tone that’s friendly and professional.

It’s not always easy to get your tone right the first time. Two things, in particular, to consider are:

Your relationship with the reader

The importance of the topic (which includes what’s at stake)

Checking your draft against these two points can help you correct an inappropriate tone.

The tone of business communication in most organizations is pretty casual, but not as casual as a personal chat. Check to make sure that what you’ve written is appropriate for work—no texting abbreviations, no super-casual expressions. (For more on tone, see “Does This Sound Okay?” here.)

So, as you can see, there might be a number of causes behind that nagging feeling that there’s something wrong with your draft. Let’s consider some examples of messages that could be improved by one last review before they’re sent out.

Hi Terri,

Would you mind sharing the Arris opening/closing titles used for the Arris conference as a .mov file with me? We have a couple more videos that popped up, and we’re planning to handle these edits internally. Also, can you point me to a finished video as a model of the style we’re looking for? I’m taking over from Sean on this project.

BTW, the Walls files are now in the final folder on Dropbox.

Thanks,

Jared

Writing to Terri about Arris has reminded Jared that he also wanted to share the Walls files with her, so he drops in that information at the end of this message. This kind of last-minute addition is very common, and it’s also very common for readers to overlook these afterthoughts. Mentioning an unrelated topic at the end of an e-mail on another subject creates a significant risk that the reader won’t see it. It also makes it harder to organize and search e-mails by subject if the reader should want to go back later. In this case, it’s better for Jared to send Terri a separate message about the Walls files.

Here’s one that’s trickier:

Dear Ming,

Please feel free to reach out to me directly if anything else comes up. David and Jon hadn’t finished the analysis when they handed off the project to us, so David just had to contact me when you wrote to him yesterday. Amy and I tracked down the information you needed. There are likely other gaps, so please don’t hesitate to contact me directly.

Best,

Brandon

Brandon’s tone sounds a little snarky, and this first draft isn’t as politically astute as it might be. Brandon is trying to tell Ming that David and Jon didn’t finish the work, that he and Amy had to clear up their unfinished mess, and that she should not write to David for this information in the future. He’s not happy about what happened, and he’d like to let Ming know that. However, when he reviews his draft, he realizes that he’s throwing David and Jon under the bus and sounds passive-aggressive. He’s uncomfortable with the first draft, so he revises it.

Dear Ming,

Please feel free to reach out to me directly if anything else comes up. I spoke with Amy yesterday while we were tracking down the information, and we both feel there might be other gaps. I’d be happy to find anything else you need.

Best,

Brandon

Brandon’s revision gets the message across—that he and Amy did the work to find what Ming was looking for, that the project was not in fact completed, and that Brandon is the owner now—without explicitly blaming David and Jon. Brandon closes on a note of goodwill.

Here’s one more first draft that felt wrong:

Alison,

Thanks for your message. We should be able to get those units out to your customer by June 2. I’ll stay in touch.

Maria

Maria reviews her draft and feels a little worried. She realizes she’s being vague and that she’s not sharing with Alison what’s really on her mind. She also realizes that her vagueness could lead to problems in the future, so she revises her message.

Alison,

Thanks for your message. I’ll try my best to get those units out to your customer by June 2. However, we have two very large orders in the queue ahead of this request, so I am not sure we can deliver that quickly. Would your customer accept half the quantity by that date and the other half two weeks later? Let’s talk about how to get this done. Please call me.

Maria

In her revision, Maria avoids the temptation to push the issue off her plate and explains what’s worrying her. She briefly lays out the reason she might not be able to fulfill Alison’s request and invites Alison to do some creative problem-solving with her.

Ask a Colleague for Input

If you’re not sure what’s bothering you, and you’re working on something you don’t mind sharing, ask a colleague to have a quick look at your draft. Whenever you ask someone for feedback on your writing, you’ll get better results if you direct their attention to areas that concern you. It’s fine if your question is simply “There’s something bothering me about this draft; does it look okay to you?” But if you ask specific questions, you’ll get more focused feedback. Try “Am I leaving out anything?” or “Am I approaching this right?” or “Am I saying too much?”

It’s a great idea to find an informal proofreading and copyediting partner at work. You’ll learn not just from your partner’s comments on your writing, but also from looking closely at her work. You’ll both become better writers.

Does This Sound Okay?

“Expressing the right tone is critical to avoid misunderstandings, without the benefit of facial expressions and body language.”

—SURVEY RESPONDENT

Often when a piece of writing “just sounds wrong,” there’s a problem with tone. “Tone” in writing is like tone of voice. Your tone reflects your attitude toward the reader and toward the topic you’re writing about. Your tone might be friendly, cordial, respectful, deferential, playful, abrupt, rude, or anything in between.

In business writing, appropriate tone can range from very informal—think of the website of an online grocery-­delivery service—to very formal, such as communication from a bank. Most companies have adopted a tone that reflects their brand and their values, for both external and internal communication. The tone used in external communications—advertising, websites, messages to customers—will usually be the product of conscious, brand-driven decision-making. The tone used for internal communications usually develops more organically, with people emulating the style they see others using.

Several elements contribute to the tone of your writing. One of these is word choice: consider the different implications, for example, of “terrible,” “very bad,” and “not ideal.” If your tone sounds harsh, you might want to replace some of your vocabulary selections with softer options. Consider the different impressions made by “awesome,” “successful,” and “impressive.” If your tone feels too chatty, consider a more professional vocabulary.

Sentence length also shapes tone. Short, choppy sentences can sound abrupt. Long, complex sentences can come across as impersonal. Experiment until your writing sounds conversational but respectful.

Here are a couple of ideas about how to change your tone easily:

ImageTake the focus off the reader and put it on yourself: “You didn’t send the information” versus “We haven’t received the information”

ImageConsider whether deleting or changing a word or two can change your tone:

“He still hasn’t finished the analysis” versus “He hasn’t finished the analysis”

(The word “still” can suggest that he’s missed a deadline or imply that he’s a slacker.)

“We expect to receive . . .” versus “We’re looking forward to receiving . . .”

(“We expect” sounds dictatorial; “we’re looking forward to” sounds warm.)

It can be difficult to recognize the tone of your own writing. But if you’re worried that your tone might not be appropriate, you might be right. If you’re not sure you’re hitting the right tone, ask a colleague to read over your draft and give you feedback on how it sounds.

Use Your Company’s Style Guide

Many organizations that take written communication seriously have developed style guides for their employees to use. These guides vary a lot in length and scope, but the overall goal of all of them is to help ensure that everyone in the organization is communicating consistently.

Style guides serve a number of purposes. Like visual style guides, which specify the fonts, colors, and logos used in visual materials, written style guides can help keep an organization’s branding consistent.

Style guides usually contain directions specific to your company. For instance, is it ever acceptable to abbreviate the name of the company in written correspondence, or should you always spell out its full name? What are the appropriate titles to use for people? Should those titles be capitalized? What are the correct names for products and services? How do you refer to the people who buy your products and services—are they “clients” or “customers”? Can you ever abbreviate clients’ names in writing? This kind of information is especially important in situations where your company’s public identity is in flux, such as during a merger or a rebranding.

Style guides also specify preferences in punctuation and spelling. Should you use the Oxford comma or not? (See here for a definition of the Oxford comma.) Is it “Internet” or “internet”? Guides can also offer help with style issues—for instance, should you use “e.g.” or “for example”?

Some style guides also provide reminders about basic grammar and usage. For example, when should you spell out numbers in text, and when is it okay to use numerals? When do you use double quotation marks, and when do you use single ones? How should you use a hyphen? These questions are especially important if your company is global and different rules apply across the different countries where the company operates.

It’s worthwhile finding out if your company has a style guide—and, if it does, getting hold of it—when you’re trying to put the finishing touches on your writing. Unless you’re an editor at heart, you probably won’t want to read your organization’s style guide cover to cover, but you might find that it has the answer to that little question that’s been bothering you. Using your company’s style guide can help save you time and keep the brand voice consistent.

SUMMARY: If Something Feels Wrong, Fix It

ImageIf something about your draft feels wrong, it probably is. Trust your gut.

ImageTo help identify what’s bothering you, try applying Steps 1—6 to your draft.

ImageCheck your draft for problems around confidentiality, commitment, politics, punctuation, laziness, and tone.

ImageConsider asking a colleague to read over your draft and give you feedback.

*Professor Locker coauthored (with Donna Kienzler) the textbook Business and Administrative Communication (11th edition; New York: McGraw-Hill Education, 2015).

Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary (Springfield, Mass., 1983).

A. Banks conduct stress testing to ensure adequate capital levels. B. Legal counsel rewrote the guidelines to prevent future breaches. C. Marketers use personas to help them understand who their target customers are. D. IT replaced the faulty monitor.

Applied Cognitive Psychology 20 (2006): 139—56; https://www.affiliateresources.org/pdf/ConsequencesErudite.pdf.

§ “The Secret of Impressive Writing? Keep It Plain and Simple,” https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/10/051031075447.htm.