Booher's Rules of Business Grammar - Dianna Booher 2009

Comma hiccups
Punctuation problems

Consider the difference punctuation makes in the two letters penned by Richard Lederer and John Shore in their book Comma Sense: A Fun-damental Guide to Punctuation (St. Martin’s Press, 2005).

My Dear Pat,

The dinner we shared the other night—it was absolutely lovely! Not in my wildest dreams could I ever imagine anyone as perfect as you are. Could you—if only for a moment—think of our being together forever? What a cruel joke to have you come into my life only to leave again; it would be heaven denied. The possibility of seeing you again makes me giddy with joy. I face the time we are apart with great sadness.

John

P.S. I would like to tell you that I love you. I can’t stop thinking that you are one of the prettiest women on earth.

My Dear,

Pat the dinner we shared the other night. It was absolutely lovely—not! In my wildest dreams, could I ever imagine anyone? As perfect as you are, could you—if only for a moment—think? Of our being together forever: what a cruel joke! To have you come into my life only to leave again: it would be heaven! Denied the possibility of seeing you again makes me giddy. With joy I face the time we are apart.

With great “sadness,”

John

P.S. I would like to tell you that I love you. I can’t. Stop thinking that you are one of the prettiest women on earth.

One letter may lead to marriage; the other, to assault.

On the other hand, proper punctuation puts power in your prose. Let me defer to Ben Franklin on this point. He summed it up well in his Almanac of 1757:

For want of a nail the shoe was lost,

For want of a shoe the horse was lost,

For want of a horse the rider was lost,

For want of a rider the battle was lost,

For want of a battle the Kingdom was lost,

And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.

Likewise, customers and contracts can be won or lost for lack of a comma or hyphen. If you want to confuse your readers, consider these sentences: “Bruno insisted Millie hacked into the computer system” Or: “Bruno, insisted Millie, hacked into the computer system.” The commas determine who’s going to prison.

Or, pity the poor person trying to follow these instructions: “Turn the knob and depress the button on the shaft. Take care that you do not cause an explosion at this point.” Does this mean that turning the knob depresses the button? Or is the button a second action step? If they’re two steps, do you do them simultaneously or one after the other? So if you get things wrong, an explosion will let you know? Great warning system.

Someone mailed me the following caption from a newspaper clipping: “O. J. Simpson said his lawyer was sad and depressed.” But with the kinds of fees lawyers charge, why would the lawyers be so depressed? This version is probably what the caption writer intended: “O. J. Simpson, said his lawyer, was sad and depressed.”

To put it pointedly: Scattering punctuation marks incoherently throughout a document changes the meaning of what you write.

(Fortunately, you can’t make punctuation errors as you speak. So if you’re one of the few people on the planet who never write e-mails, thank-you notes, reports, or proposals, you can skip this punctuation section with permission.)

47. Comma hiccups

UNNECESSARY COMMAS

Have you ever tried to talk with someone who had the hiccups? The condition tends to slow the conversation. Likewise, when someone unexpectedly tosses extra commas into a sentence, the reading pace slows dramatically. A paragraph begins to looks like this:

Those people, working in my areas, across from the main lobby and visitor parking lots, cannot attend the morning sessions. They need to attend, in the afternoon, or after their normal workday. An outside instructor, specializing in performance feedback, will be presenting these training classes, and he is also available, for personal coaching, in the afternoons, if you would like, to set appointments. His phone number, is 903555-1232.

Too many commas in your sentence contribute to misreading, amusement, and even irritation. Why irritation? People like to control their own reading pace. Slow them with commas only for clarity or other good reasons. And never trick them by tossing in an inappropriate comma that changes the meaning of the sentence altogether. (More about that later.)

Wrong places to slow a reader with an unnecessary comma:

Between a descriptive word and the noun it describes

Incorrect:

She bought a few run-down, inexpensive, houses to remodel.

Correct:

She bought a few run-down, inexpensive houses to remodel.

Between a subject and a verb

Incorrect:

Growing the company through acquisitions, has been a challenge.

Correct:

Growing the company through acquisitions has been a challenge.

Between two phrases joined by a conjunction

Incorrect:

Bruno was hired in August, but was fired almost immediately.

Correct:

Bruno was hired in August but was fired almost immediately.

Bruno was hired in August, but he was fired almost immediately.

Memory tip

If you can’t give a specific reason for a comma, don’t cause a hiccup in the flow of thoughts.