Putting the science in fiction - Dan Koboldt, Chuck Wendig 2018
Children with behavioral, emotional, & social difficulties
The brain is wider than the sky
By Rachel Heaps-Page
K was eleven years old and was always smiling, but his anxiety showed in the raw red marks all the way round his mouth. The skin was always dry, cracked, and bleeding because he licked almost constantly and nothing could make him stop. The other children tried not to notice, but most days someone upset him with their stare.
As his designated adult, it was my job to make sure K didn’t react, protect his learning and the other children from his problems, and prevent the triggers that would set him off. I wrenched chairs from K’s hands and taught him under tables. I cajoled him through work that seemed impossible, helping him navigate through overwhelming losses he was struggling to handle so he could learn how to read, or do math, or speak a little French.
After two years, we had grown quite familiar. I had my tactics and resources to help K attempt an education. I recognized the signs that warned of tantrums or tears and I knew by the way K took off his coat in the morning if we were going to have a bad day: K would unzip his coat extra carefully on those mornings and leave it in the middle of the floor, a small and innocuous gesture that was his way of saying, I am in pain and today is going to hurt.
I had my purse stolen on a bad day, and my car keys. I stood for hours in the rain while he screamed personal slurs against me and watched him climb over fences or onto the roof. Once, a bad day got me sent to the hospital, pouring blood after I fell trying to retrieve my fleeing charge, the icy ground taking a chunk of my leg and leaving a scar to this day.
K was just one of many children with behavioral, emotional, and social difficulties (BESD) I have met on my journey as an educator, broadening my understanding of the term attributed to them and deepening my insight into their world. These are some of the lessons they have taught me that may assist you when writing characters who share their title or traits.
Lesson #1: Besd doesn’t require extreme behavior
K was extreme, but I am glad to say that in six years of classrooms I only met one child like him. Though children experiencing BESD have issues that run very deep, I have met very few who showed it through overtly negative behavior.
Through our time together, K taught me a valuable lesson: that children with BESD have choices. K’s destructive, visceral responses were understandable but they weren’t always justified. There were times he couldn’t control himself, but far more often he indulged violence because a provocative streak urged him to. Meanwhile J, a pleasant boy I once supported, only revealed his crippling social anxiety through his catchphrase. He would mutter “potato” under his breath, picked up from a popular comedian he watched obsessively and who made him feel safe. This was a minor disruption at best and taught me that no matter how severe a child’s condition, there is no “typical” reaction or guarantee of extreme responses.
BESD is typically only diagnosed when it is severe, but the characters you will write will have the same question facing them: Though things may be difficult, how will they respond?
I have witnessed a wide range of reactions to BESD, from an eyebrow raising to self-harm and violence. There is no “right” or typical behavior, so develop your character’s coping strategies while staying true to the personality you are forging in him.
Lesson #2: Besd and learning disabilities are not the same thing
BESD is the umbrella term we use to explain a child’s consistent exhibition of disruptive behaviors or issues regarding their social skills, relationship skills, and emotional health. These behaviors and issues can stem from a developmental or intellectual disability such as Down syndrome, but they do not occur exclusively.
It is true that a child dealing with other issues is likely to suffer academically, but not because she has no capacity to excel. In many cases, a child with BESD will suffer academically simply because she faced much greater obstacles when she came to learn. This can be overcome by educators with insight who obtain the right resources and offer the best support to the struggling child. Unfortunately, many children miss out on this help as they are overlooked or remain undiagnosed, or their teachers are simply too pressed by other responsibilities to do any more. So, you should feel free to retain your character’s title of “genius”’ even if he hates the classroom or to allow “troubled” souls to achieve greatness in the end.
Lesson #3: Not every case starts with abuse
Though it is common for tragedy and trauma to be a root cause of BESD, it is not a precursor. Children can be born with problems: genetic issues that undermine a child’s ability to cope or to learn or diseases/conditions that prevent full mental or physical development. These can be at the heart of your character’s issue and a contributing factor or real reason behind his BESD, just as legitimately as a murdered parent or infliction of abuse.
It may help to think of this disorder as being, ultimately, about obstruction. There is something that causes the child to act out or fail to connect with the world or others around her. There is a reason he struggles to moderate his behavior or constantly misunderstands his friends, why he can’t express himself healthily or at all. It is your place as the author to decide what this is. The options are limitless and a true test of your creative skill when it comes to their creation.
Many writers advise asking questions to get to the heart of each character, and I would advise the same in this case. If you are compelled to bestow BESD to your character I would urge you to consider, why? What is the obscure or significant element of your character’s nature, physiology, or experience that first set her on this developmental path? That first act to light her behavioral fuse?
You may decide this won’t be revealed to your readers, but I believe such insight helps to understand your character and lends depth to his behavior as you write.
Lesson #4: Characters with besd don’t have to be villains or victims
There is an old adage I like to apply in this instance: Hate the sin, not the sinner. As a teacher, I was trained to look beyond a child’s behavior to who he was as a person: a child who could be encouraged to learn and make better choices, even if he acted terribly. This was particularly challenging when working with troubled children, as their behavior was often a veil for the person inside. Many gentle souls I worked with had terrible reputations because violent outbursts, even when caused by exceptional circumstances, aren’t easily forgotten and are even less easily forgiven.
There is a tendency to look at a child with BESD and try to predict his life as an adult based on that short window of time. It is hard to imagine a healthy marriage or successful career for the child who stands on a table to urinate during lessons. But childhood is only a part of our life journey, and damaged children can recover from, or at least control, their dysfunction as they enter adulthood.
Every damaged child in your fictional world does not have to become the helpless damsel or cruel tyrant. An author has the privileged opportunity to play out the whole story, so consider offering your wounded character a chance to heal or to redeem herself for past mistakes.
Lesson #5: You don’t have to get everything right
What I learned as a teacher I retained as a writer, and I suspect some of my personal insights inform the characters I create. However, I don’t allow facts to constrain me.
I find that the more I worry about technical accuracy, the more soulless my character (and indeed my writing) becomes. Unless you are hoping to create the quintessential BESD child and set him forth as a case study, do not feel restricted when creating your character.
With the right research and a sensitive approach any topic can be masterfully explored in your writing, but bear in mind that “expert” and author is a rare combination and readers won’t expect it of you. Fiction writers in particular can take liberties and are expected to fabricate, so let your creative juices flow! After all, it is one of the great joys of our craft.
My last thought is to urge you to forge a character with depth and complexity in mind and less concern for “ticking the boxes” of her label. She may have severe BESD, but don’t feel obliged to mold her from that singular definition or try too hard to justify the label in your work. Your characters can wrestle with issues beyond your experience, or respond in a way some might consider unconventional, but if they are “real”—if they are complex and human—they will still ring true.