100 ways to improve your writing - Gary Provost 2019

Avoid wordiness
Nine ways to save time and energy

Wordiness has two meanings for the writer. You are wordy when you are redundant, such as when you write, “Last May during the spring,” or “little kittens,” or “very unique.”

Wordiness for the writer also means using long words when there are good short ones available, using uncommon words when familiar ones are handy, or using words that look like the work of a Scrabble champion, not a writer.

The following example of wordiness, which I’ve taken from a letter that appeared in Dr. Adele M. Scheele’s “At Work” newspaper column, shows how dull a writer becomes when he or she tries to impress a reader with “intellectual” language.

In preparing a list of professional people whose opinion I respect, you are one of the first that comes to mind.

It is my objective to more fully utilize my management expertise than has heretofore been the case. . . .

The letter contains many of the writing mistakes we will discuss in this book, but its greatest fault is wordiness.

The overall tone of the letter is apologetic, meek, uncertain. The writer is babbling. She’s trying to find words that are safe because they are vague and they sound very professional to her. By trying to impress the reader with her vocabulary, she is composing a letter that is almost incomprehensible.

Instead of discussing herself, she discusses her “objective,” which is “to more fully utilize” her “management expertise.” She would have made herself clearer with simple words like goal, use, and skills. Instead of writing about her job, she writes about being confined “to the area of small business and self-employment in the apartment management field,” which doesn’t tell the reader what she’s been doing for a living, only what area she’s been doing it in.

Here is a version of that letter that is clear, direct, and simple. It would get a warm reception in any office because the reader doesn’t have to struggle to understand it.

I’ve made a list of professional people whose opinion I respect, and your name is at the top of the list.

I want to use my management skills more fully. But since I’ve been running a small apartment management agency for the last six years, I’m a little bit out of touch with the job market. I’d like your guidance and advice so that I can evaluate the market for my skills. . . .