Grammar in context - Geoff Barton 1999
Section 2 Grammar in context
Fiction
Fiction is imaginary writing - in other words, stories. There are dozens of different fiction genres, such as fairytales, crime fiction, romance, science fiction, ghost stories. All of them aim to draw the reader into a world which the writer creates through language. Some fiction genres emphasize plot (for example, legends and thrillers); some emphasize description (for example, Thomas Hardy's novels of the late nineteenth century); some use dialogue to show us the thoughts and feelings of characters; some use first person mode to tell us the story through the main character's eyes ('!...' rather than 'she...'). This section shows you how close attention to the language used by fiction writers can help you to understand their texts better.
Genre sample
The sample text below is followed by some suggestions of the kinds of grammar and vocabulary points you might make. To start, you might cover the comments section, read the text, and think what you would say about its tone, vocabulary, and structure, and about the type of sentences the writer has used.
In the kitchen of a small farm a little woman sat cutting bread and butter. The glow of the clear, ruddy fire was on her shining cheek and white apron; but grey hair will not take the warm caress of firelight.
She skilfully spread the softened butter, and cut off great slices from the floury loaf in her lap. Already two plates were piled, but she continued to cut.
Outside the naked ropes of the creeper tapped and lashed at the window.
D H Lawrence, A Prelude
Comments
What could you say about tone?
The writer uses a detached, descriptive tone. Using a third person narrative ('She skilfully') rather than first person mode ('I skilfully') keeps us distant from the woman's feelings: we cannot yet tell what she is thinking. The writer tells us a little about the woman and her house, but keeps us wondering. We are not sure who she is, where she is, or what is going to happen. This hooks our interest and makes us want to read on.
What could you say about vocabulary?
The writer writes precisely, using vocabulary which helps us to visualize the scene. He uses adjectives to give detail to nouns: small farm; clear, ruddy fire; shining cheek; white apron. These help to make the scene more specific.
What could you say about sentences?
The writer uses a variety of sentence types - simple and complex - and these add to the interest of the extract. They help to keep us reading.
What could you say about structure?
The first two paragraphs focus on the woman. The pronoun she shows that the woman remains the central subject. Then paragraph three surprises us: the focus changes to the creeper outside. It makes us wonder what is going on, and creates a feeling of tension.
Review
The writer uses a typical fictional technique - holding back information to make the reader want to read on. The technique is used most in ghost stories and crime fiction. It has the effect of driving us forward into the text. A newspaper story would take a different approach: it would aim to tell us the whole story as quickly as possible. In fiction, however, the writer can afford to control the pace, and hold the reader's interest through tension.
Going further
We are now going to look at how writers use different styles of language to tell stories.
Fiction - focus on dialogue
This is the opening of a short story from Scotland, ft is a good example of how a writer can use dialogue to move the story on and to reveal his characters. Read the passage and then answer the questions which follow.
Neil M. Gunn
The Tax-Gatherer
’Blast it,’ he muttered angrily. ’Where is the accursed place?’
He looked at the map again spread before him on the steering- wheel. Yes, it should be just here. There was the cross-roads. He threw a glance round the glass of his small saloon car and saw a man’s head bobbing beyond the hedge. At once he got out and walked along the side of the road.
’Excuse me,’ he cried. The face looked at him over the hedge. ’Excuse me, but can you tell me where Mrs Martha Williamson stays?’
’Mrs Who?’
’Mrs Martha Williamson.’
’No,’ said the face slowly, and moved away. He followed it for a few paces to a gap in the hedge. ’No,’ said the man again, and turned to call a spaniel out of the turnips. He had a gun under his arm and was obviously a gamekeeper.
’Well, she lives about here, at Ivy Cottage.’
’Ivy Cottage? Do you mean the tinkers?’ And the gamekeeper regarded him thoughtfully.
’Yes. I suppose so.’
’I see,’ said the gamekeeper, looking away. ’Turn up to your right at the cross-roads there and you’ll see it standing back from the road.’
He thanked the gamekeeper and set off, walking quickly so that he needn’t think too much about his task, for it was new to him.
When he saw the cottage, over amongst some bushes with a rank growth of nettles at one end, he thought it a miserable place, but when he came close to the peeling limewash, the torn-down ivy, the sagging roof, the broken stone doorstep thick with trampled mud, he saw that it was a wretched hovel.
The door stood half-open, stuck. He knocked on it and listened to the acute silence. He knocked again firmly and thought he heard thin whisperings. He did not like the hushed fear in the sounds, and was just about to knock peremptorily when there was a shuffling, and, quietly as an apparition, a woman was there.
She stood twisted, lax, a slim, rather tall figure, with a face the colour of the old limewash. She clung to the edge of the door in a manner unhumanly pathetic, and looked at him out of dark, soft eyes.
’Are you Mrs Williamson?’
After a moment she said, ’Yes.’
’Well, I’ve come about that dog. Have you taken out the licence yet?’
’No.’
’Well, it’s like this,’ he said, glancing away from her. ’We don’t want to get you into trouble. But the police reported to us that you had the dog. Now, you can’t have a dog without paying a licence. You know that. So, in all the circumstances, the
authorities decided that if you paid a compromise fine of seven-and- six, and took out the licence, no more would be said about it. You would not be taken to court.’ He looked at her again, and saw no less than five small heads poking round her ragged dark skirt. ’We don’t want you to get into trouble,’ he said. ’But you’ve got to pay by Friday — or you’ll be summonsed. There’s no way out.’
She did not speak, stood there unmoving, clinging to the door, a feminine creature waiting dumbly for the blow.
’Have you a husband?’ he asked.
’Yes,’ she said, after a moment.
’Where is he?’
’I don’t know,’ she answered, in her soft, hopeless voice. He wanted to ask her if he had left her for good, but could not, and this irritated him, so he said calmly, ’Well, that’s the position, as you know. I was passing, and, seeing we had got no word of your payment, I thought I’d drop in and warn you. We don’t want to take you to court. So my advice to you is to pay up — and at once, or it will be too late.’
1 a Look at the first sentence. Find an example of the writer using an adverb to add detail to the verb.
b The adverb gives a clue about the mood of the man at the beginning of the story. Look at these examples of words used by or about the man in the first few lines of the story. For each one, try to describe what impression of the man they give you.
2 In writing a story with dialogue, it can be difficult to avoid repeating the verb said. Find three examples of different verbs the writer uses instead of said. Then try to describe the effect of using different verbs instead of repeating the same one.
3 Now look at the dialogue throughout the passage. Find three examples of language which you would only find in speech - not in written English.
4 Look at the style and tone of the language the tax inspector uses when he talks to the woman. What do we learn about his attitude towards her from what he says and the way he says it?
Advice
Look at:
• style - e.g. the words he uses (look at the 'fillers' he uses - such as well and now. What impression do these give?)
• tone - e.g. the way he addresses the woman (for example, 'We don't want to get you into trouble').
5 The woman says only three things.
a Write down the three things she says.
b How does the author give an impression of her personality?
Advice
Think about
• her speeches
• adjectives and adverbs used to describe her.
Writing
Task A
The text is unusual for the amount of dialogue it uses. How would it work if the writer used reported rather than direct speech? Reported speech tells you what a person said without showing their exact words - like this:
Direct: 'Excuse me, but can you tell me where Mrs Martha Williamson stays?'
Reported: He asked whether the man could tell him where Mrs Martha Williamson stayed.
To make something move from direct into reported speech:
1 Remove the speech marks.
2 Shift the verbs into the past tense
(can → could; stays → stayed).
Look more closely at the dialogue between the tax-gatherer and Mrs Williamson. Try rewriting it as reported speech. The first part is done for you below.
He asked whether she was Mrs Williamson.
After a moment she said that she was...
How does the text seem different when reported speech is used? Write a couple of sentences describing the different effect.
Task В
Based on your reading of The Tax-Gatherer, explore further how dialogue can be used to tell stories. Imagine this scene: two complete strangers are travelling in silence in a lift in a large store. One of the two people suffers from claustrophobia (fear of confined spaces). Suddenly the lights flicker and the lift shudders to a halt.
Create the opening of a story using dialogue.
You should:
• choose words which will reveal what the characters are like
• use language structures which sound like spoken rather than written English
• decide how the characters should speak (e.g. nervously, cheerfully). Make sure their dialogue reveals how they feel.
• give variety to your text using different verbs, such as spoke, tittered, snapped, whispered, muttered, and so on.
Aim to write 500 words or so.
Fiction - focus on pre-1900 writing
The next extract, from Charles Dickens' novel Great Expectations, is an example of pre-1900 writing. The hero, Pip, is visiting the mysterious Miss Havisham. Miss Havisham is bored, and so has ordered Pip to entertain her by playing cards with her ward Estella. While they are playing, Pip begins to realize there is something very odd about Miss Havisham...
Charles Dickens Great Expectations
/Т WAS THEN I BEGAN TO UNDERSTAND that everything in the room had stopped, like the watch and the clock, a long time ago. I noticed that Miss Havisham put down the jewel exactly on the spot from which she had taken it up. As Estella dealt the cards, I glanced at the dressing-table again, and saw that the shoe upon it, once white, now yellow, had never been worn. I glanced down at the foot from which the shoe was absent, and saw that the silk stocking on it, once white, now yellow, had been trodden ragged. Without this arrest of even thing, this standing still of all the pale decayed objects, not even the withered bridal dress on the collapsed form could have looked so like grave-clothes, or the long veil so like a shroud.
So she sat, corpse-like, as we played at cards; the frillings and trimmings on her bridal dress, looking like earthy paper. I knew nothing then of the discoveries that are occasionally made of bodies buried in ancient times, which fall to powder in the moment of being distinctly seen: but, I have often thought since, that she must have looked as if the admission of the natural light of day would have struck her to dust.
1 Pre-1900 writing often uses more complex structures and more formal vocabulary than present-day writing. Find three words or phrases which seem complex or formal.
2 The writer gives us the impression that Miss Havisham is almost like a person who has been dead for many years. He does this through the use of similes - where one object is compared with another. What similes does he use?
a bridal dress compared with ... (lines 8-10)
b veil compared with ... (lines 11-12)
c frillings and trimmings compared with ... (lines 15-17)
3 Write down two other examples of vocabulary the writer uses to create an impression of death in the room.
4 The passage is written in the first person: 'I noticed... I glanced...'. How would it feel different if it were written in the third person, without using I at all? (For instance, it might have begun, 'It was then he began to understand that everything in the room had stopped, like the watch and the clock, a long time ago. Miss Havisham put down...')
Advice
Does the first person style involve the reader more?
Make us understand Pip's feelings? Remind us that we are reading someone's opinions rather than facts?
5 Do you think this passage is a good description of a mysterious character? Give reasons for your answer, looking particularly at:
• the vocabulary Dickens used
• the sentence structures.
Advice
Look at the way the words create an impression of decay. Look at the use of concrete nouns (dressing-table, bridal dress) to make the scene visual - as if we are actually in the room seeing these things.
Notice the complex sentences, full of details. How do these create an impression of a room which is full of objects and memories? How would the effect be different if the writer had used short sentences?
Writing
The text was written almost 150 years ago. How can you tell? How would you retell the story in a modern style for a modern audience? What changes would you make to the sentence structure? How would you change the vocabulary? Which details would you alter?
Rewrite the extract. Leave some parts the same, cut words, change the structure. Play around with the existing style to create a new style. Then write a one-paragraph commentary describing the changes you have made and how successful you think your new version of the text is.
Fiction - using powerful vocabulary
At the start of a story, writers often try to build up atmosphere by using powerful words. Read this opening from a thriller and then answer the questions which follow.
Edward Richard Rosset
Hot South Wind
'Thomas, are you going to eat your supper?’
The old woman eyed her son, a worried expression on her wrinkled face.
Outside, the gusty wind raised blinding dust in the deserted alleys of the little Spanish village.
Thomas grabbed the bottle of wine and had a long pull at it. 'I’m not hungry tonight, mother.’ He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. 'I’ll go to my room and he down...’
Thomas’s mother raised dark apprehensive eyes from her garlic soup. 'It’s this cursed wind. I know it. Every time the wind blows hot something evil happens here. Remember last year when Pepe was found dead...’
Thomas spat into the fire. ’Bah, they all slipped on the ice down the Devil’s Gorge, that’s all...’
’And the year before, Maria was found stabbed to death in her bed...’
He shrugged his shoulders. ’A tramp was caught by the Guardia Civil later.’
A sudden strong gust made the old house tremble. The doors and windows moaned and creaked.
The frightened woman crossed herself quickly. ’Something is going to happen tonight,’ she whispered, ’I can feel it. It’s in the air...’
She was quite right. Something sinister was going to happen. Something as sinister as the death of the town mayor.
Thomas stretched himself noisily. ’I think I’ll go to my room,’ he said to his mother.
The lone yellowish electric bulb in the landing upstairs cast a grotesque wobbling shadow against the decaying smoky walls as he climbed the creaky stairs.
Outside the unpaved village streets were deserted.
Thomas checked his old pocket watch. Nine o’clock. Rodriguez shouldn’t be long now. Every night Carmen’s husband passed in front of the balcony to see his sheep before retiring.
Thomas remembered Carmen’s long dark raven hair brushing her slender tanned shoulders. He saw in his mind once again the undulating soft movements of her hips, as she swayed along the path.
As he noiselessly slid open the balcony windows he shivered in the cold air.
He took a broken tile from the outj utting roof and careful weighed it in his hand. Tiles fall on windy days, don’t they...?
Thomas was quite confident that he wouldn’t miss. He had always been considered the best stone thrower in the whole valley.
Suddenly, there was a shadow moving towards his house. A faint pale beam peeping timidly from behind a dark grey threatening cloud glittered for a moment on Rodriguez’s bald head.
1 The opening sentence doesn't use the verb said or tell us who is speaking. How does this help to build up atmosphere? Do you think it leaves the reader feeling confused, or begins to build a sense of mystery?
Write a sentence explaining your answer.
2 a The second sentence uses three adjectives to tell us more about the woman. What are they?
b If the writer had wanted to create exactly the opposite impression of the woman, which three adjectives might he have chosen?
3 Halfway through the passage, the writer says, 'The doors and windows moaned and creaked.'
Write down two other verbs he might have used.
Then write a short paragraph saying why moaned and creaked are particularly effective.
4 Thomas' plan, to kill the town mayor, isn't mentioned until line 25. But before this, the writer has already planted the idea of death in the reader's mind. Which two sentences help to do this? Write them out, then underline the most powerful words in each.
5 How does the writer build up a feeling of suspense through the vocabulary of the whole extract? Pick out key words and then try to explain how they help to build atmosphere and suspense.
Advice
Words like worried, deserted, moaned, frightened all help to create a certain atmosphere. Try to explain the effect they have. Some words are even more dramatic: cursed, evil, death. How do these build the suspense?
Writing
For some readers, this text is really powerful because of the descriptive vocabulary the writer uses. Other readers think the writer overdoes the description, using too many adjectives and adverbs. What do you think?
Look at the way the writer uses several adjectives at a time to add detail to the nouns:
Carmen's long dark raven hair ...
the undulating soft movements ...
faint pale beam ...
dark grey threatening cloud ...
Do you think the writer overdoes the description?
Rewrite the last four paragraphs (from 'As he noiselessly slid ...'), removing adjectives (such as long) and adverbs (such as noiselessly). How does the text feel different? Write two or three sentences describing the effect of your new version.
Fiction - looking at narrative style
This is the opening of a folk-tale from East Anglia. Read the passage and then answer the questions which follow.
MOSSYCOAT
THERE WAS ONCE A POOR old widow who lived in a little cottage. She had one daughter who was nineteen and very beautiful. Day after day her mother busied herself spinning a coat for her.
A pedlar came courting this girl. He called at the cottage regularly, and kept bringing her this trinket and that trinket. He was in love with her, and badly wanted her to marry him.
But the girl wasn’t in love with him; things didn’t work out as easily as that. She didn’t know quite what to do for the best, and asked her mother for advice.
’Let him come,’ said her mother. ’Get what you can out of him while I finish this coat. After that, you won’t need him or his pretty little presents. You tell him, girl,’ the mother said, ’that you won’t marry him unless he gets you a white satin dress embroidered with sprigs of gold as big as a man’s hand; and mind you tell him it must be a perfect fit.’
Next time the pedlar came round, and asked the daughter to marry him, she told him just this - the very same words her mother had used.
The pedlar looked at the girl, and took stock of her size and build. And within a week, he was back with the dress. It was made of white satin and embroidered with sprigs of gold, and when the girl went upstairs with her mother and tried it on, it was a perfect fit.
’What shall I do now, mother?’ asked the girl.
’Tell him,’ said the mother, ’that you won’t marry him unless he gets you a dress made of silk the colour of all the birds of the air. And it must be a perfect fit.’
The girl told the pedlar just this, and in two or three days he was back at the cottage with the coloured silk dress. And since he knew her size from the first dress, of course it was a perfect fit.
’Now what shall I do?’ asked the girl.
’Tell him,’ said her mother, ’that you won’t marry him unless he gets you a pair of silver slippers that are a perfect fit.’
The girl told the pedlar just this, and in a few days he called round with them. The girl’s feet were only about three inches long, but the slippers were a perfect fit. They were not too tight; neither were they too loose.
1 a Write down two adjectives that the writer uses in the first sentence to describe the woman.
b Now write down two adjectives with similar meanings which the writer might have used in the same places.
2 In the second paragraph the writer refers to 'this girl'. Why do you think he uses the word this rather than the? What effect does it have?
3 Like many folk tales, this one uses quite simple language. Find an example of a familiar word in each of these categories:
Noun
Verb
Adjective
Adverb
4 Look again at the first paragraph of the story. In what ways does it seem typical of the style of folk-tales or legends?
Advice
You could look at
• the opening words
• when the story is set
• the characters the story involves and the way they are described: do we learn a lot about their personalities? Do we identify with any of them? Whose viewpoint is the story told from?
5 Look again at the opening two sentences of the story. They both have a similar pattern: a main clause followed by a subordinate clause beginning with the word who.
How would the opening of the story be different if the writer had used four simple sentences instead? Rewrite the two sentences into four simple sentences by dropping the conjunction who and replacing it with She at the start of each new sentence.
Then try to explain, as precisely as you can, how the effect of the story has changed.
6 This extract can be divided into different stages. The writer has used discourse markers (words like But, Next time) and pronouns to link the different stages together.
a See if you can divide the extract into stages - note down the words at the beginning and end of each stage.
b Then try to pick out the words the writer has used to link each stage to the last or next one.
7 Compare the style of this extract with one of the other fiction extracts in this section. What are the similarities and what are the differences? Concentrate on how each extract is written: are the vocabulary and sentence structures simple or complex? Does the writer use a lot of adjectives, similes or figurative language, or is the style very simple? Write two short paragraphs on your findings.
Writing
How would the story be different if it were told in the present tense, as a spoken story rather than a written tale? Rewrite the first three paragraphs, telling the story in the present tense. Change other words that help you to tell the story better. Then write a sentence or two describing the effect. What changes have you made? How does the story feel different? In what ways is it an improvement on the original? Is it more effective, or less?
The first sentence is done for you.
There’s a poor old widow who lives in a cottage...
Autobiography
Autobiography is personal writing - usually the story of the writer's own life.
Genre sample
In this sample text, Richard Rayner recalls his school days. To practise making more detailed comments about the language of autobiographical texts, read the extract, and think what you would say about it. Look in particular at the verbs the writer has chosen, at the use of pronouns, and at the sentence structures. Then look at the comments on the next page.
Stairs and corridors were covered with highly polished linoleum which squeaked as your sandals slid across it. You could hear someone coming fifty yards away. At the end of every corridor there was a tweed jacket, ready and waiting if you should dare to run. Running was forbidden, except on the playing fields, where we swarmed about in mud. beehives of boys pursuing one single soccer or rugby ball... It was the summer men walked on the moon. One Sunday my brother Keith, not my father, was waiting when I trooped out of chapel.
’Something’s happened to Dad,’ he said.
My father’s clothes had been found on the beach at Deganwy. He was missing, presumed drowned.
Richard Rayner. The Blue Suit
Comments
What could you say about the whole text?
This is a memorable piece of autobiographical writing. The writer makes us picture the scene through lots of visual details. Then he hits us with a shock final sentence. The tone of the extract is quite unemotional, even at the end, when the writer is describing the disappearance of his father.
What could you say about sentences?
The sentences are mostly quite long. The writer uses relative clauses (e.g. 'linoleum which squeaked') to add detail to his main points, building a picture of life in the school. The last sentence is a short sentence. It contrasts with the earlier ones and gives the text real impact.
What could you say about verbs?
The writer has chosen visual verbs like swarmed and trooped out to help us to see the scene. Swarmed creates an impression of boys moving as a mass, like bees, while trooped out suggests the way the boys walked in a rough formation out of chapel.
What could you say about pronouns?
You helps the writer to involve the reader in the scene - it makes us imagine what it must have been like. I helps create a picture of the writer.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
Autobiography is always set in the past. Here, the writer uses details like the reference to the moon to tell the reader when the passage is set. He also uses nouns carefully and economically - for instance, he says, 'At the end of every corridor there was a tweed jacket waiting...', rather than 'a teacher in a tweed jacket.'
Going further
Now look at another extract from an autobiography: this time one which uses dialect words and simple vocabulary to tell the writer's story.
Autobiography - writing in the first person
Ronald Blythe looks back to his childhood in the Suffolk countryside and the people who played a part in his life.
Akenfield
Ronald Blythe
I was born during the bad times. My brothers and myself went to school for part of the day and to work for the rest of it. When we left school at half past three we’d go gleaning, picking up beans and all such things as that. We’d most likely work till eight if it stayed light. We biked to school at Framlingham. It was 1934 time. Things weren’t very sharp. Father was making out by killing pigs for Danny Linton at Pettistree so we had to bike from school to home, eat some bread and cheese, or whatever there was - and there wasn’t much - get an old sack and then bike on to Danny’s farm to collect the pigs’ insides. Then we biked home with them and tipped them out on the scullery7 floor and scraped them. We had to get them as white as a board, scratching out all the filth with the back of an old knife. Then we washed them in salty water and - hey presto! - sausage skins. But it wasn’t the end.
There were all these pails and pails of muck to be got rid of. We had to bike out of the village and bury it. On Saturdays we used to take a bundle of these skins to old Boot the butcher and he’d give us a three-cornered lump of brisket, all fat and bone, and weighing about a stone, in exchange. But even this is better than what happened in 1930, the big black year. In 1930 we had blackbird pie for Christmas dinner - and we had to catch the blackbirds before we had the pie! It had got to Christmas morning and we were going to make do when my father said, ’Come on, boys, let’s try a blackbird!’ We knocked a few over quite easy. I could take you to the spot where we did it. We cooked the pie in the brick oven.
This was the year my grandfather had to shut down the forge. He never went back to it. I used to walk by it, eyeing it and thinking. But nothing was rosy wherever you looked. Nearly everybody went out of business. Nothing was sold. People who had left school began to think about the Big House. You realized that it was there, with all the gardeners, grooms and maids and food. You have to face it, the Big House was then an asset to the village. It paid us to raise our hats, which is why we did it. I hear people run the gentry down now but they were better than the farmers in a crisis. Theirs was the only hand which fed us which we could see. So we bowed a bit: it cost nothing, even if it wasn’t all courtesy. Nobody left, nobody went away. People were content. However hard up they were, they stayed content. The boys had the arse out of their trousers, no socks and the toes out of their boots. My brothers and myself were like this, yet so happy. I think other families were the same. The village kept close.
Word bank
gleaning - sorting wheat from chaff
Framlingham - town in mid-Suffolk
scullery - utility room
brisket - cheap cut of meat
forge - blacksmith's workshop
1 The writer begins with a simple sentence. He might have started with a complex sentence like this: T was born during the bad times in which my brothers and myself went to school for part of the day and to work for the rest of it.' Why does the simple sentence make a more effective opening to the text?
2 Ronald Blythe uses straightforward vocabulary where some writers might have been tempted to choose more complex words.
a For the verbs listed below, think of a more complex word with the same meaning:
My brothers and myself went to school...
Father was making out by killing pigs ...
We had to get them as white as a board ...
b What does the writer's choice of words tell you about him?
3 The writer uses a regional dialect term on line 13. Write it down and then explain in your own words what you think this means.
Advice
A regional dialect term is a word or phrase which might be used in one part of the country but which isn't part of standard English. It may be an expression which is still used
today; or it may have died out. Just look at the context and try to work out from that what you think the writer means.
4 The writer describes some tasks which are unpleasant - for example, scraping pigs' insides and eating blackbird pie. He writes about these events in quite an impersonal way, without emotion. How does his use of language help to create an impersonal style? Think about:
• his use of vocabulary
• the style of his sentences
• his use of pronouns like I.
Advice
Look at the way the writer uses factual words. There are no emotive adjectives like unpleasant, horrible, or sickening. Find some examples of more neutral words he uses.
Notice how he uses short sentences - such as at the end of the first paragraph. How do these create a factual tone?
Look at the writer's use of the pronoun I. How much does he use it? Is his style deeply personal, or does the passage seem more like a description in which he is not too involved?
5 The writer uses the more formal word asset to describe the Big House in the final paragraph. Explain what this word means. The sentences around it will help you.
6 The writer is looking back to memories of his chiidhood. Apart from the dates, what clues are there in the language that the passage is set in the past?
In particular, look for:
• any old or unfamiliar words
• verb forms which tell us that the events happened in the past.
Advice
Don't just look at vocabulary. Remember that verbs and adverbs are used by writers to show the reader when events happened.
Verbs can be in the past, present, or future tense. Look for examples that this text is written in the past tense.
Writing
The text has many of the obvious features of autobiographical writing. How would it work differently if tofd in the third person ('Ronald ... he ... his family ... they ...'), as the opening of a novel? Try retelling the story of Ronald Blythe's early life using some of the style features of fiction.
• Use the past tense.
• Use dialogue to add variety to the text.
Then write a paragraph describing how you went about changing the extract, and what you think the effect of your changes was. How does your version feel different to Ronald Blythe's original?
Newspaper articles
Newspaper reporting aims to give us information and to help us understand a story in the news. Journalism has been described as 'writing in a hurry', but it is also intended to help us read, in a hurry - giving us the main facts at the start of the article (and in the headline), before adding detail during the rest of the text.
Remember that there are many different styfes of newspaper articfes. Some are designed chiefly to inform (news articles), some to entertain (features articles). Those appearing in tabloid newspapers, such as The Sun, The Mirror, or The Express will probably have a less formal style than those in broadsheets like The Independent, The Times, or The Guardian.
Genre sample
To practise making more detailed comments about the language of texts, read the text below, and think what you would say about its layout, tone, vocabulary and sentence structure. Then look at the comments on the next page.
Comments
What could you say about the layout?
The headline is designed to catch our attention and to tell us the bare facts of the story. The paragraphs are fairly short to keep our eyes moving quickly down the page.
What could you say about the tone?
The tone is informative and factual. The writer crams as much information as possible into each sentence - probably too much, in fact. The first sentence gives us the whole story: it is known as a topic sentence. A newspaper report usually begins with one of these. The writer seems pleased about the news: he makes Owen seem even more heroic by stressing the fact that he'd been 'kicked in the head'.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
The article uses the vocabulary of football - player, kicked, goalkeeper, substitute, and so on. The vocabulary is straightforward and easy to follow. The writing is not particularly descriptive: instead the writer just aims to give us the main facts of the story. (Background details, if they appeared at all, would come later in the story, not near the beginning.) As in most journalism, people are labelled: 'Owen, 18 and 164 days...'; 'the Moroccan goalkeeper'; 'the injured Ian Wright'. This allows the writer to compress as much information into as small a space as possible.
What could you say about the sentence structure?
The sentences are complex, carrying lots of detail. The writer uses the past tense - became, had been brought - plus adverbs like yesterday to tell us when the news took place.
Review
The text actually feels overloaded with information, as if the writer expects each sentence to carry too many facts. The effect is an informative style which - even in two sentences - has told us the main details of the story.
Going further
Now look at another newspaper article, to see in more detail how news reporters use language to hold and keep the reader's attention.
Newspaper articles - the language of reporting
The newspaper report below tells the dramatic story of a runaway lorry.
1 As in most newspaper reports, this one begins with a topic sentence which tells us the main facts about the event.
Which word in the first sentence gives the strongest sense of excitement to the story? Write it down, and then write a sentence explaining why.
Advice
There are several possible choices: runaway, hurtled, clearing. You can pick any word you like, as long as you can explain your choice in a sentence. Try to show why the word creates a feeling of excitement.
2 The newspaper story is told in short paragraphs, most of them one sentence long. Why do you think this is?
3 Look at the way the writer has written paragraph 9 ('He said the situation...').
a What effect does the dash have before the last six words?
b The writer uses reported speech ('He said the situation was...') rather than direct speech ('He said, "The situation was..."'). Write down one reason why the writer might have decided to do this.
4 Look at the word affect, in paragraph 6. How is the meaning of this word different from effect? Try to write a short definition of each word, plus two sentences in which they appear.
5 Look at paragraph 7 ('Mr Rayner said The writer uses inverted commas (speech marks) to show the driver's words, but she doesn't put inverted commas at the end of the paragraph. Why is this?
6 Because this is a piece of news reporting, the writer does not say directly what she thinks of the driver Michael Rayner. Can you find any clues from the passage which show the writer's opinion of Mr Rayner?
Advice
Look at the way the writer shows how serious the situation is, and how dangerous. What does this suggest about her attitude to the driver? Look also at the way the police describe the driver. The writer quotes their words. What does this also show about her opinion of him?
Writing
Like most newspaper articles, this one tells a story using the third person ('she/he ...'), short paragraphs to keep our interest, and quotations from various people who were involved ('Mr Rayner said ...'). What if it were written as a diary entry by Michael Rayner rather than a newspaper report? How would you expect the use of language to be different?
Retell the story of the runaway lorry by writing Michael Rayner's diary. You might use notes rather than full sentences; use the first person ('I...'); write about what you noticed, rather than the view of other drivers or the police.
(If you want to remind yourself of the style and language features of diary entries before you begin to write, turn to pages 68-69.)
Then write a paragraph describing the changes you have made to the original story in retelling it through a diary. Be as precise as you can about the language choices you have made.
Polemical writing
Polemical writing is writing which argues a case. It is designed to challenge your views and make you change your mind. You find it in leaflets, newspapers, magazines, and essays.
Genre sample
Keith Waterhouse has written columns in the Daily Mail newspaper since 1986, and he is well-known for his strong opinions. Here he attacks the way computers are used in libraries.
To practise making more detailed comments about the language of polemical texts, cover the comments section opposite, read the text, and think what you would say about the tone, vocabulary, and sentence structure which the writer uses.
Comments
What could you say about the tone?
Keith Waterhouse's tone is confident, putting across controversial views without trying to defend them. He gives the impression that everyone would agree with him, when he states that 'Anyone who uses the public libraries knows...'. He uses sarcasm to add to his argument, with his joke about librarians checking that the book is 'equally unavailable in other branches'. He is very assertive: 'The fact is...' (even though it is actually an opinion). He makes the reader feel involved in the argument by use of the pronoun you.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
Waterhouse chooses words which will help him win his argument. He makes the days of card index systems sound attractive with vocabulary like polished (suggesting high standards) and nest (suggesting cosiness). He makes computers sound negative with words like slum, sprawled and scattered. The alliteration (repetition of first-sounds) emphasizes his harsh, dismissive attitude even more.
What could you say about the sentence structure?
Waterhouse's sentences are complex, but sound like someone speaking - for example: 'but I don't see why it has to be inflicted on the customer'. The use of the verb form don't makes the argument seem more personal than do not would have done. Writing in the present tense makes his argument all the more powerful and immediate.
Review
The text uses humour to make a serious point, ft is happy to poke fun at librarians in order to show what libraries should really be like. The writer uses various techniques to involve the reader, aiming to carry us along with his argument so that we agree with his point of view.
Going further
Now look at another piece of polemical writing, and see how its author uses language to convince us of her message.
Polemical writing - building an argument
Susan Stranks, a former presenter on children's television, believes strongly that children should be given high quality radio programmes. Here she argues her case in The Radio Magazine.
Read the passage and then answer the questions which follow.
Word bank
James Boyle - the controller of BBC Radio 4
5 Live - the BBC's news and sports channel
1 Look closely at Susan Stranks' first sentence. She uses three techniques to make the reader want to read on:
• starting with So
• using the pronoun it
• using an exclamation mark at the end of the sentence.
How do these three techniques get the reader involved?
Advice
Remember that a pronoun usually refers back to a noun (e.g 'The cat saw the sausage and ate it' - it refers back to the noun sausage). Now look at the way the writer uses the word it in her first sentence.
2 Look at the opening to the second paragraph. The writer uses the word Let's, meaning Let us. Why do you think she uses the pronoun us rather than me?
3 The writer uses both formal and informal language in her text. The informal language makes it sound as if she is speaking to her audience, rather than writing. Write down an example of language from lines 32-39 which is closer to spoken than written language.
Advice
Look for examples of informal language - expressions we might use in everyday conversation and words that have been shortened to sound more informal.
4 The writer uses the imperative verb form in a one-sentence paragraph, to tell the reader what should be done.
a Write down the sentence.
b Underline the words in the sentence which are alliterative (i.e. they all start with the same letter).
c Do you think this alliteration makes the sentence more effective? Say why.
5 Sometimes the writer uses the word children; sometimes she says kids. Why do you think she varies her usage in this way?
6 We get a very strong sense of what the writer thinks should be done, but she never uses the first person ('I think') in her writing. What effect does this have?
Advice
Writing / think would suggest that these are the writer's opinions. If you leave this phrase out, what impression does it give? What impression do you think the writer is aiming to create here?
7 Look at the early part of the article where the writer uses a certain structure to help argue her case. She uses quotations/comments, and then gives her own opinion. Docs this approach work? Does it make her case more persuasive, or does it make the argument feel disjointed? Say what you thought of it, and why.
Writing
Susan Stranks uses a range of arguments in her article. Can you summarize what they are? Working on a sheet of A4, produce a summary of her key points, under these headings:
What is wrong with radio at the moment
Why children need radio
What should be done
Use bullet points, rather than paragraphs, to show that you can summarize the main points.
Diaries
Diaries are usually not written for publication. Diary-writers are often just recording their own thoughts and feelings for themselves. The style of writing in diaries is therefore very personal.
Genre sample
This extract from playwright Alan Bennett's diaries gives an account of an elderly woman who moves into a caravan at the bottom of his garden. He refers to her as Miss S.
To practise making more detailed comments about the language of diaries, cover the comments section opposite, read the text, and think what you would say about the tone, sentence structure and vocabulary which the author uses.
February 1981. Miss S. has flu, so I am doing her shopping. I wait every morning by the side window of the van and, with the dark interior and her grimy hand holding back the purple curtain, it is as if I am at the confessional. The chief items this morning are ginger nuts (’very warming’) and grape juice...
February 1983. A. telephones me in Yorkshire to say that the basement is under three inches of water, the boiler having burst. When told that the basement has been flooded, Miss S’s only comment is ’What a waste of water’.
Alan Bennett
Comments
What could you say about the tone?
The tone is quite personal, using abbreviations like 'Miss S.' and 'A.'. This might be because the writer is recording details for himself and so does not need to write the names in full. Alternatively, it might be a way of protecting the identity of the people involved, after the diaries were published.
The tone is also quite affectionate - we can sense that the writer likes Miss S. He uses humour to suggest this - for example, comparing the process of getting her shopping list to attending confession in church. He pokes fun at her in a mild way.
What could you say about the sentence structure?
The sentences are written in a fairly informal style. The use of so in the very first sentence sounds like spoken rather than written English, though the phrase 'the boiler having burst' is more formal. One important feature of the grammar is the use of the present tense: T am doing her shopping ... A. telephones me from Yorkshire'. This creates a sense of immediacy - as if the events are happening now.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
The writer uses informal words, such as flu, tattered. He gives very specific detaifs through his choice of words, such as ginger nuts and grape juice. (If he had used the words biscuits and fruit juice instead, what would have been the effect?) The writer afso uses adjectives to help create a visual impression - for example, grimy and dark. These make the style more literary - as if the description belongs to a book rather than to everyday conversation.
Review
The text has many of the typical features of a diary, although some modern diaries are more informal than this. Like most diaries, it focuses on specific, individual people and events, often using abbreviations to save time. The use of the present tense makes the text seem very immediate.
Going further
Look at another diary, which uses a slightly different style to record far more dramatic and moving events.
Diaries - focus on personal writing
This diary was written by Sergeant Pexton, a soldier in the Second World War.
1 Look at the first three sentences of the text:
24 May. What a night. Rats running all over the place.
How can you tell from the structure of these that you are reading a diary?
Advice
The date is an important clue, but look also at the way the other two sentences are written. How would these be written differently in a story?
2 The writer often avoids saying I... by starting sentences with the verb - for example, 'Slept on the landing-ground'. What effect does this have?
3 One clue that this is a personal diary is that the vocabulary is quite familiar and straightforward. Look at the list (below) of examples of familiar words used in the text. Copy these out and next to them write down three words with similar meaning (synonyms) which might have been used in a more formal context. The first one has been done for you.
Familiar word More complex synonym
big enormous
all in
fed up
carry on
bother
nice
(Look closely at 'all in' on line 4 and 'bother' on line 20. Because these are examples of 1940s slang they have slightly different meanings in the passage. Make sure your synonyms match their 1940s meanings, not the present-day ones.)
4 The writer uses sarcasm at the end of the second paragraph - he writes words which he clearly does not mean. Pick out these words and then give two words which should show what the writer really feels.
5 Which of these words best describes the tone of the diary?
bitter
despairing
unhappy
resigned
accepting
horrified
worried
loyal
Write down the word which you think fits best, then write a sentence explaining your choice. Try to support your decision with an example from the text.
Writing
If you were to change this diary to a report about what
happened to Sergeant Pexton, then you would have to change some of the language structures. But as a result, the tone would also change.
Imagine a historian reads the diary, and uses it to write an article on Sergeant Pexton's war. The entry for 26 May could be rewritten like this:
According to the diary, the night of 26 May was the worst night yet. Sergeant Pexton left Flers for Cambrai and was given one biscuit on marching out...
Then write a commentary describing some of the changes you made - for example:
I added ’Sergeant Pexton’ and the pronoun ’he’ as the subject of sentences. I changed ’They gave us...’ to the passive form ’He was given...’
Finally, write a few sentences on how the tone of the piece has changed, as a result of what you have done.
Travel writing
Travel writing describes people and places, from the viewpoint of the traveller. It can sometimes read like autobiography; but it can also feature narrative passages (which tell the story of the journey) and descriptive passages (which tell us what a place was like).
Genre sample
To practise making more detailed comments about the language of travel writing, cover the comments section opposite, read the text, and think what you would say about its style, tone and vocabulary. Think also about the structure of the sentences, and of the passage as a whole.
August 1988 found me wandering the bleak corridors of a government hotel in Xining, Central China, trying to find someone willing to attempt a three-thousand-kilometre hitch with me to Lhasa, the capital of Tibet.
Having waited all spring in Kathmandhu without success for the Nepalese/Tibetan border to reopen, I had flown to Hong Kong and spent four days crossing China by train.
Alison Gostling, Hitching to Lhasa
Comments
What could you say about the style?
The writer uses an autobiographical style - telling us about where she went and what she did. (If she had used a descriptive style in this passage, we would have learned less about her plans but more about what the hotel was like.)
What could you say about the tone?
She sounds frustrated in the first paragraph - the adjective bleak and verb wandering suggest how she feels. She then gives a flashback to an earlier part of her journey and describes her journey across China as if it was very straightforward.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
The most striking feature is the unusual vocabulary - proper nouns like Kathmandhu, Xining and Lhasa. These help to give the text an exotic feel, an air of adventure.
What could you say about the sentences?
The sentences are quite complex, adding to the impression that the writer is describing an exotic, complicated scene.
What could you say about the structure?
The text is quite unusual. Paragraph one tells us what the writer was doing in August 1988; paragraph two goes further back in time. The text is not chronological (in the usual sequence of time), and this is another way the writer gains our interest. She doesn't start at the beginning and work forward; instead she starts in the middle of her journey.
Review
The text refers to very specific places but the style is autobiographical. The writer isn't aiming simply to give us information about these places. Instead she wants to tell us the story of her journey, so that we see a different world through her eyes. This is the aim of much travel writing.
Going further
We are now going to look at two pieces of travel writing. The first is very descriptive; the second is action-packed and full of incident.
Travel writing - focus on description
Travel writer Christina Dodwell describes part of a journey through Baluchistan, on the northern edge of Pakistan.
Christina Dodwell
The Long Bus Ride
The bus didn’t leave after an hour, it didn’t leave after two hours, nor after ten. It just sat waiting for more passengers to fill it. That blew my chance of getting across the longer half of the desert by cool of night. After twelve hours I felt as exhausted as I would have felt from travelling, or perhaps the effort of travelling nowhere was harder. When the sun set and darkness settled, we passengers lay down to sleep in the bus.
Dawn came, the heat started to intensify. The only cheerful thing was the bus itself, gaudily decorated with shiny tin cutouts, while the front was emblazoned like a shield with multi-coloured glass reflectors. Dazzling in the sun, and buses generally try to out- display each other.
Finally the engine started, but we drove round and round the town for another hour looking for more passengers, until every seat was taken. At last we set off across the desert, but within half an hour the motor conked out; we had run out of fuel. I felt slightly defeated. Surely in the twelve-hour wait the driver could have found some fuel. So there we sat, waiting for another bus to come and perhaps give us some fuel.
A pick-up truck passed and our driver went with it to look for diesel. Two more hours elapsed before we were on the move. We trundled for twenty kilometres then stopped because two buses were leaning against each other and blocking the track. One had a broken axle and had fallen, or been propped against the other. We stopped and ropes were attached to our bus so it could pull the broken one upright. And since we had by this time lent our jacks and tools, we stayed until their repairs were done. It was a blazing hot day in a flat empty glaring desert, but I was impressed by the way men automatically helped each other, and women gave their water to those who needed it more.
The next 150 kilometres of dirt road was very corrugated, then we reached moth-eaten tarmac. The passengers bounced and swayed over the bumps in the road; their synchronized lurching almost fitted the music on the bus cassette player and looked oddly like a dance.
Dusk brought a sandstorm; a Baluchi passed leading camels laden with bits of root for firewood; most of my fellow-passengers were Baluchi and Afghan, with only five Pakistani townies. I allied myself with their three married women. On every long bus journey I make an ally of some suitable person or couple. As a woman, it saves trouble.
The air was still hot when darkness fell, we stopped at an oasis for chili-hot supper, the journey stretched through the night, and rain in the mountains caused a flash flood that we drove through up to the axles...
When the bus finally reaches Quetta, Christina Dodwell takes a twenty-hour train-ride to Karachi. Here she explores the market square.
The next morning as I strolled out to find breakfast in the bazaar I saw two monkeys and a porcupine sitting beside a man who was doing a juggling act. But as soon as his concentration was established the monkeys began teasing the porcupine by grabbing his unprotected parts, and the juggler had to collapse his act to rescue the poor old porcupine.
Later I saw the same man talking to someone leading a large brown bear on a chain. They showed me their act, which was to persuade a small boy to put his neck in the bear’s mouth. Actually I don’t think the bear had enough teeth left to do any damage.
Word bank
ally-friend
Baluchi - someone who comes from Baluchistan
corrugated - uneven
synchronized - moving in time with one another
1 Look again at the first sentence. The writer could have written a simple sentence: 'The bus waited a long time.' What effect does her opening sentence achieve?
Advice
Think about the use of repetition - of didn't, leave, and hours.
Think of what the writer is saying and how this repetition adds to the effect.
Think also about the length andfhe structure of her sentence.
2 In the third sentence the writer says, 'That blew my chances of getting across the longer half of the desert by night.'
The verb blew is quite an informal word.
a Think of a more formal verb that the writer might have used.
b Write down why the writer might have chosen to use the more informal word.
3 The passage takes place over two days. How does the writer use discourse markers to create an impression of time passing?
Advice
Discourse markers help a reader to find her way about a text - to know where she is. Discourse markers in this passage include after, finally, there, the next, later. Don't just list them - say what effect they have, for example, 'Use of "finally" at the start of a paragraph shows that a long time has passed. It tells the reader that we have moved forward in time.'
4 List some of the adjectives the writer uses when describing the bus, then explain how they make the description of the bus particularly vivid.
5 Look at the last sentence. It begins with the word actually. Try to explain what the effect of this word is.
Advice
If you find this difficult, try to imagine the same sentence without the word Actually. How would it have felt different?
6 Would you describe Christina Dodwell's style as formal or informal, or a mixture of both? Write down your opinion, and use examples from the text to support it.
Writing
Christina Dodwell's account tells us:
• about the places she visits
• about the people she sees
• about her own feelings.
To do this, she uses both descriptive and narrative styles of writing. But what if her adventures in Baluchistan were going to feature in a short newspaper report in a local newspaper? How would the style and the content change?
Write a 200-word interview with Christina Dodwell as if you were a journalist on a local newspaper in the area of Britain where she lives.
Remember to:
• change from the first person ('I') to the third person ('she')
• cut down the amount of descriptive detail
• quote her own words to make it sound like an interview: for example, Christina Dodwell says, 'I was impressed by the way men automatically helped each other and women gave their water to those who needed it more.'
• make your style as entertaining and dramatic as possible, so that readers want to read on.
If you want to remind youself of the style and language features of newspaper reports before you begin to write, turn to pages 57-58.
Travel writing - writing about action
Travel writer Redmond O'Hanlon describes a dangerous journey by canoe through rapids in Borneo, South East Asia.
Word bank
maelstrom-whirlpool
perpetual - constant
preamble - early part
1 The opening paragraphs use active verbs and participles to describe the drama of the scene.
a For each of the words below, say what picture they create in your mind:
snatching (participle)
ripped (verb)
pitching (participle)
torn out (verb)
b For each example, see if you can think of another word the writer might have used.
2 The writer frequently uses adjectives to add detail to his nouns - for example:
wide reach
foaming water
ominous noise
huge surging
a Find three nouns the writer uses without adjectives.
b Say whether you think he over-uses adjectives in the text.
3 The opening paragraphs use many adjectives. Then, from paragraph 3 onwards, the writer uses fewer adjectives and more verbs. What effect does this have?
4 One of the explorers, James, is swept off his feet by the force of the water; the writer describes how he tries to hold on to the other man. Everything happens fast - but to the writer the events seem to take hours. How does the style of the writing in paragraphs 6 and 7 (from 'His fingers were...' to '...he was gone') reflect this?
In your answer, try to comment on:
• the length of the sentences
• the amount of description.
5 Look again at the last paragraph. How does the writer use language to show how much danger James is in?
Advice
Look at the choice of verbs and the way the writer lists them.
Look at the simile used to describe James's head.
Look at the adjective used to describe the rocks - how does this suggest trouble?
Writing
Does the power of this text come from the description?
Take the first sentence:
We entered a wide reach of open water.
Take out the adjectives and it reads like this:
We entered a reach of water.
Does the text already feel less powerful? Do we feel that we visualize it less well? Do we feel less involved?
Choose two paragraphs and rewrite them by removing the descriptive details - in particular, the adjectives and adverbs. Reduce the text to its bare elements. Then read your version back. How does it feel different? Write a paragraph describing the differences you notice.
Information texts
There are all kinds of information texts - from reference books like encyclopedias to leaflets, guide books, instruction sheets and recipes.
Genre sample
This is an entry from an encyclopedia. To practise making more detailed comments about the language of information texts, read the extract and think what you would say about its structure, its tone and the vocabulary the writer has used. Then turn over and read the comments on the next page.
Comments
What could you say about the tone?
The tone is highly impersonal - we get no sense of who the writer is. The idea is to make the reader focus on the factual information.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
This is quite technical, with abbreviations like SW to make the reading process quicker and more efficient. The aim is to inform rather than to entertain.
What could you say about the sentence structure?
Much of the text is not written in sentences. The first sentence, for example, contains no verb. Later sentences are actually phrases. This allows the writer to give as much essential information in as few words as possible.
What could you say about the discourse structure?
The text starts with the more global information - main overall details. Then it gets into the specific details.
Review
All information texts vary, but this is typical of an encyclopedia entry - with its heavy emphasis on factual details and statistics, and its impersonal, neutral tone.
Going further
Now look at a more complex information text, which aims not only to inform, but also to persuade.
Information texts - focus on instruction
Read the passage about fire safety. It is taken from a booklet produced for children by Norfolk and Norwich Hospital. Then answer the questions.
1 Look closely at the first sentence of the text, under the heading 'Smoke Alarms'.
a How can you tell that it is aimed at children?
b Why do you think the writer uses the pronoun w rather than you?
2 Some of the sentences in the text are designed to give information ('Smoke alarms are gadgets about the size of an adult's hand'). Some are designed to give instructions ('Fit it as close as possible to the centre of the room').
What differences in structure do you notice between the sentences which give information and the sentences which give instruction?
In particular, look at:
• the length of the different types of sentences
• the subject of the sentence
• where the verb appears.
Advice
Sentences which give instructions are sometimes called imperative sentences. One of the main grammatical points about these sentences is that they usually don't have an obvious subject. Instead of saying, 'You should fit it as close as possible', they say, 'Fit it as close...'. This makes the sentence sound much more direct, like an order. Notice also that the verb is usually placed at the beginning of an imperative sentence: 'Fit it...'
3 The writer uses some words which will be easily understood by children, such as frightening. Write down any words which you are surprised to see in a text aimed at children - words which seem too complex. Try to find three examples.
4 Look at the way the writer uses comparative and superlative adjectives:
adjective
serious
comparative
more serious
superlative
most serious
For each of the adjectives below, write down a comparative and superlative form:
a bad
b cold
c tight
d blistered
e frightening
5 Look more closely at the way the writer uses elisions, such as don't. At other times he uses the more formal version, do not. Look for some examples in the text. Then write a sentence saying why you think the writer sometimes uses elided forms and, at other times, separate words.
Some readers think the text is probably too difficult for very young children: they would have problems understanding all parts of it. How would you communicate the message of the text to children aged 5-6 as a poster? Remember that they will only just have started to read, so the vocabulary needs to be very simple. Remember not to use too many words in each sentence. Have a go, on one side of A4 paper, at producing a poster which will show these young children the dangers of fire and how to cope with burns. Don't spend too long on the design of the poster - it's the language level which is the real key to being successful with this task.
Then write a paragraph explaining how you changed the text to suit a younger audience, and reflecting on how well your finished poster works.
Speeches
Speeches remain a powerful way of informing and persuading people - in school, in battle, and in parliament. A well-crafted speech can stir our emotions and make us support the speaker's point of view.
Genre sample
In 1986, the Space Shuttle Challenger exploded shortly after takeoff, killing its crew. The explosion was watched by millions of TV viewers who had switched on to see the launch. It was the worst accident in the history of space exploration. Shortly afterwards, US President Ronald Reagan delivered the following speech.
To practise making more detailed comments about the language of speeches, read the text and think what you would say about its tone and vocabulary, and the sentence structures it uses.
Introduction
What could you say about the tone?
The tone is formal and sombre, with words suggesting respect and honour. The writer speaks on behalf of America - 'We mourn their loss as a nation, together' - making the reader (or listener) feel involved. The writer also addresses the families of the heroes directly - 'To the families of the Seven', with a capital 's' on Seven to show their special status.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
The words are full of emotional power and feelings of pride and honour: heroes, tragedy, daring, brave, grace. The words are abstract, referring to concepts like challenge and truths. The people who died are described as heroes, loved ones and the Seven. The writer avoids using the words death or crash, and instead writes at a more emotional level.
What could you say about the sentence structure?
The writer uses long sentences to build up rhythms in the speech - the list of the heroes' names, and the coordination of phrases with and-. 'Your loved ones were daring and brave and they had...'. The flowing rhythm adds to the emotional effect of the speech, carrying us along, where a more disjoined style might not have the same effect. The repetition of elements - 'they wished to serve and they did - they served us all' - also adds to the emotional power, emphasizing the service of the heroes on behalf of the nation.
Review
The speech is a powerful piece of persuasive writing, using vocabulary and grammar to provoke an emotional response from the audience.
Going further
Now look at another very famous speech, made following a tragic death. It is unusual because it is addressed both to the people listening, and to the subject of the speech.
Speeches - focus on emotive language
Following the death of Princess Diana in August 1997, her brother, Earl Spencer, delivered a powerful speech at her funeral. This is the opening part...
Word bank
canonize-make someone into a saint
constituency-area of special responsibility
paparazzi - Italian word meaning newspaper photographers
sanctify - make sacred
1 In the early parts of the speech, Earl Spencer refers to Diana as she. Later he calls her you. What effect does this change of pronouns have?
Advice
Think about how your impression of Diana changes. When she is referred to as you, does the speech seem more personal? Does the use of the pronoun change the tone — does the speech become more or less private? Do you feel that you know Diana more at certain points in the speech because of this use of pronouns?
2 Look again at the first paragraph and notice the way the speech uses repetition of structures: 'a family in grief... a country in mourning... a world in shock/
a Look at the first noun in each phrase ('family ... country ... world'). Do you notice a pattern developing in this choice of nouns? What is it?
b Look at the abstract noun at the end of each phrase. What do they all have in common?
3 Part of the power of the speech comes from its use of repetition. Find two examples of the writer repeating words or phrases. Then, beneath each example, describe as precisely as you can what the writer is doing and what the effect is (for example: 'the writer repeats three abstract nouns; the effect is to emphasize the range of talents of the princess').
4 The speech is successful partly because it uses emotive vocabulary - words which carry emotional power, like shock, strength, honesty. Write down three other emotive words the writer uses.
5 Look at paparazzi in the penultimate sentence. What is the effect of using this word rather than photographers?
6 Look at the last sentence of the extract. This is a single sentence used as a paragraph on its own. What is the effect of writing it like this?
7 What sort of sentence structures does the writer use throughout this speech? What is their effect on the tone of the speech?
Writing
Most people agree that this is an extremely effective speech.
But what makes it so powerful - is it the vocabulary, or the repetition of words and structures?
Choose one paragraph which you find especially effective. Then rewrite it, changing some of the complex words for simpler ones - for example, attributes to talents, appreciate to like, and so on. (You might use a Thesaurus for this.)
Then write the paragraph using simple sentences, so that it feels much more disjointed.
Finally, write a paragraph describing the effect of your changes. Give your opinion on which has the more powerful effect in the speech - the words or the repetitions.
Leaflets
Leaflets can have several purposes - to entertain, to inform, and to persuade. We are surrounded by all kinds of leaflets - in schools, in doctors' waiting rooms, in supermarkets, or tucked inside newspapers or stuffed through letter-boxes.
There's obviously something about leaflets which makes them appealing to people who wish to communicate a message. Their format encourages a strong visual approach: bright pictures, logos, different font styles, and short blocks of text. They aim to be eye-catching, so that the reader wants to read on. They are therefore ideal for campaigning, informing and persuading. You can get your point across not just with words, but with carefully- chosen images and clever designs.
The best leaflets are attractive, clear and uncluttered. They tell us their message quickly and effectively. They might use a tearjerking image to provoke our emotions; or a joke of some kind to make us read on. They will usually also contain different styles of writing: some of it general, emotional, personal; some of it factual, technical, statistical. Writers usually support their points with panels of facts. Leaflets are also good places to find creative uses of language - word play, puns and jokes.
Leaflets, in other words, are often a good starting- point for analysing how writers use language to get across their points. Unlike some genres, they're very direct and need to make an immediate impact. This unit gives you a couple of examples to explore in more detail.
Genre sample
This leaflet from the supermarket Tesco aims to encourage its customers to add more fibre to their diet.
To practise making more detailed comments about the language of texts, cover the comments section below, read the text, and think what you would say about its layout, tone, vocabulary and sentence structure.
Comments
What could you say about the layout?
Look at the use of logos and colours, including the image of a human made up from food. These make the page eye-catching, encouraging us to read it.
What could you say about the tone?
The leaflet is factual and quite impersonal - for example, the writer uses the passive: 'Soluble fibre is found in ...'; rather than 'You find soluble fibre in ...' As a result the text feels more scientific and we feel less involved in it.
What could you say about the sentence structure?
The sentences are mostly quite long. The leaflet seems to be aimed at an audience whose reading skills are good. The text sometimes uses questions to involve the reader more - for example, 'How can we increase fibre in the diet?'
Notice the different types of text - the questions, the bullet points, the quotations, plus headings and subheadings. Again, this adds variety to the page.
What could you say about the vocabulary?
The leaflet uses some technical terms - carbohydrate, starch, saturated fat. Again, it is not talking down to the audience: it assumes that the reader understands these terms.
Review
The leaflet is not easy to read - partly because the text size is small and partly because it uses some technical vocabulary and complex sentences. But it is very informative.
Going further
Now look at another leaflet, with a strong persuasive message.
Leaflets - focus on persuasive language
This leaflet is designed to encourage people to give up smoking.
Why does smoking affect the heart?
Tobacco smoke is packed with poisons that can damage the heart and blood vessels:
• Nicotine - an addictive poison, makes the heart beat faster, and makes blood pressure soar temporarily. It also increases the risk of blood clots.
• Carbon monoxide - a poisonous gas released when tobacco burns. Inhaled by the smoker, it dramatically cuts the amount of oxygen the blood can carry around the body and to the heart.
So when you smoke, your heart is having to work harder and is getting less oxygen.
How much at risk is the smoker?
Smoking dramatically increases the risk of developing heart disease, lung cancer and many other diseases. These diseases are not always fatal but can seriously affect your quality of life. Smoke and you’re more likely to die before you retire. 40% of heavy smokers (those smoking over 20 cigarettes a day) die before retirement age, compared to only 15% of non-smokers.
Women are as much at risk as men of developing diseases from smoking - smoking-related diseases in women are still on the increase.
The risk of heart disease is dramatically increased for women who are over 35, smoke and who take the contraceptive pill. But now, thankfully, people are more aware of the health hazards and women, like men, are choosing to quit smoking. Why not join them?
What about the risk for the passive smoker?
Cigarettes give off two types of smoke - ’mainstream smoke’ is filtered by the cigarette and inhaled by the smoker. The other type is sidestream smoke which goes directly from the end of the cigarette into the air. As it is not filtered it contains higher concentrations of harmful substances than the mainstream smoke. It is therefore potentially dangerous to non- smokers, especially when they are exposed to it for long periods of time.
Children who are exposed to their parents’ sidestream smoke are more prone than other children to serious chest illnesses such as pneumonia, lung cancer and bronchitis. They are also more likely to smoke if their parents do.
The benefits of giving up
Give up and the risks decrease dramatically. Because nicotine is addictive this will be difficult and withdrawal symptoms such as irritability and restlessness can be experienced. These should only last a few weeks, however, and will be well worth the discomfort - 11 million people in Britain have given up, in most cases by will-power alone. If you do give up you should not only feel much fitter but your risk of developing heart disease will rapidly decrease during the first year. If you continue to be a non-smoker the risks will decrease so that, in time, the risks will be almost the same as they are for someone who has never smoked.
But there’s more to quitting smoking than a healthy heart and healthy lungs. We can all spot smokers who quit - they’re just so full of themselves! But with good reason. Until you kick the weed it’s hard to appreciate, but it’s a fantastic feeling. With food it’s like having a veil lifted - you can really taste again, really enjoy it. As general fitness returns your body feels renewed, recharged, and as you continue to say NO to tobacco, it’s a fantastic boost to your self esteem.
Help yourself to quit
1 Stop day — choose a day to stop and stop completely on that day.
2 Tell everyone you’re stopping — this will give you support and encouragement to stick with it when you feel tempted to light up.
3 Take it a day at a time and each day try for just one more day.
4 Identify times when you particularly crave a cigarette and make sure you have something to occupy your hands (worry beads, a pencil to doodle with, sewing).
5 Ash cash—work out how much you’re saving and plan how to spend it.
6 Think positively - you’re a non-smoker, not a smoker who’s given up. When you’re offered a cigarette say ’No thanks, I don’t smoke’ - every time!
7 When you feel the urge to smoke, remember how well you’ve done so far and how hard it was to give up in the first place.
8 Not everyone succeeds the first time. It’s a strong addiction, but don’t give up trying.
9 Find out what’s available locally. Ask your family doctor about the availability of techniques like nicotine chewing gum, stop-smoking groups, hypnosis, acupuncture, aversion therapy and relaxation classes or contact QUIT or ASH for a ’give-up’ pack (see reverse for addresses).
1 Three of the four headings in the feaflet use questions rather than statements (for example, 'Why does smoking affect the heart?'). Why do you think the writer uses these?
2 Look at the fourth paragraph of the leaflet: 'So when you smoke, your heart is having to work harder and is getting less oxygen.'
a Why do you think the writer uses the second person form here (you and your) rather than say, 'When people smoke, they ...')?
b What effect does the conjunction So have at the beginning of the sentence? How would the effect be different without it?
3 The writer uses a lot of adjective-noun structures (also called 'noun phrases') to give a feeling of detail - for example, mainstream smoke, higher concentrations, harmful substances. Find an example of a similar structure in the last paragraph.
4 Sometimes the writer's style is formal ('It is therefore potentially dangerous ...'); sometimes it is more informal ('Until you kick the weed it's hard to appreciate').
Look at the last two paragraphs on page 101. Write down one sentence which has a formal tone and one which has an informal tone.
Describe what makes the tone in each one formal or informal.
Advice
Remember that the tone is set partly by the vocabulary we use - cigarette is more formal than fag. Remember that elisions also create informality -isn't is more informal than is not.
Sentence structures can also create a different tone: complex sentences are often more formal, whereas compound sentences ('and ... but ... and') feel more like everyday speech and are therefore more informal.
5 In the final paragraph on page 101 the writer uses this simile:
With food it’s like having a veil lifted - you can really taste again ...
What picture does the simile create in your mind?
Do you think the simile is a successful use of language?
Say why.
Writing
The leaflet is aimed at adults. There are a number of clues to this, including the fact that it talks about having children, and the use of complex vocabulary. The leaflet would be less successful with younger readers because they would not understand all of the vocabulary.
Write a version of the leaflet for younger readers aged 11-13. Your aim is to discourage them from smoking by giving them the facts in an easy-to-understand style. Create a leaflet on one side of A4 paper. Think about the design but don't spend too much time on this: the main challenge is to get the language level right.
Once you have completed your leaflet, write a paragraph explaining your approach. Be as precise as you can in describing the language features you have used (e.g. vocabulary, sentence types and tone).