The Advanced Grammar Book - Jocelyn Steer, Karen Carlisi 1998

Chapter 12 Dating and Marriage

The Dating Scene (If You’re Single, It’s a Must)

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Are you single? If so, do you want to get married someday? How is it possible to meet your future husband or wife? If you’re already married, how did you meet your husband or wife?
2. What are the dating customs in your native country?

Objectives

In this chapter, уou will learn:

1. To useа variety of modals and their functions by reviewing them
2. To use several new functions for the modals that you already know
3. TO use the past forms of modals for a variety of functions
4. To use passive and progressive forms after modals
5. To understand question formation for modal constructions

Preview

DIRECTIONS: Read the following telephone conversation between Jill, 28 years old, and Patty, 30 years old. Jill and Patty work together in a computer company and are very good friends.

1 Jill: Hi, Patty, this is Jill.

2 Patty: Hi, Jill. How, was the party?

3 Jill: Oh, it was just great You should’ve come.

4 Patty: I know, but I had to help my sister move. Did you meet anyone?

5 Jill: Yeah, I met a couple of really nice guys. One of them asked me out. And listen to this! His friend wants to make it a double date. You should get a call from him tonight.

6 Patty: Oh come on, Jill, I haven’t been on a blind date, since high school. You must be kidding!

7 Jill: You can’t really call this a blind date. After all, I’ve seen him, and you know what good judgement I have in this department. You should see his eyes. They’re your favorite color.

8 Patty: They aren’t green! You can’t be serious!

9 Jill: And he likes to play tennis. I’d say it’s a match made in heaven. You have to come. It’s a must!

10 Patty: I don’t know. I’ve been so turned off by the whole dating scene since Gary stood me up last time.

11 Jill: Oh, Patty, that’s history. Besides, this guy puts Gary to shame. You should really give him a chance. I can promise you won’t regret it

12 Patty: O.K. I guess I’ll go for it.

13 Jill: Great! Call me as soon as you hear from him.

14 Patty: O.K. Bye.

15 Jill: Talk to you later.

VOCABULARY

to ask someone out: to ask someone to go on a date

to double date: two couples go out on a date together

a blind date: a date with someone you’ve never met, usually arranged by a friend

in this department: in this matter (that we’re discussing)

a match made in heaven: a couple who are perfectly suited to each other

to stand someone up: to fail to show up for a date

that’s history: that is finished, over

to go for it: to attempt something that involves some risk or difficulty

CULTURAL МОТЕ/DISCUSSION

In the United States it is not unusual for men and women to wait until they are in their late 20s or early 30s to get married. This is often because people, especially women, are concerned about becoming established in their careers before they get married and have children. Therefore, there are many men and women in this age bracket who are single, have careers, and go out frequently on dates. They are part of the dating scene. Is there such a dating scene in your native country? At what age do men and women get married in your country?

Focus ON GRAMMAR

The following questions are based on the preview text and are designed to help you find out what you already know about the structures in this chapter. Some of the questions may be hard and some of them may be easy. Answer as many of the questions as you can. Work with a partner if your teacher tells you to do so.

1. Find an example in the dialogue of the following generalizations. Write the example in the space provided.
2. Jill usesshouldto tell Patty about something she expects to happen.
3. Patty uses a form ofhave totell Jill about a commitment she made in the past.
4. Patty usescan’tto express disbelief.
5. Jill usesshouldto describe something.
6. Now, find the following sentences in the dialogue and come to an agreement with your partner about the function of each of the underlined modals. Make a generalization and write it in the space provided.

Example

You should really give him a chance, (line 11) FUNCTION: Should is used to give a suggestion.

1. Icanpromise you won’t regret it. (line 11)

FUNCTION : ...

1. Youhave tocome. (line 9)

FUNCTION : ...

1. Youmustbe kidding! (line 6)

FUNCTION : ...

Grammatical Patterns Part One

1. Modal Forms

The following chart shows the possible modal forms and their time reference.

The context of the sentence will determine the time reference of the modal. Usually, time expressions are used to clarify the time reference. For example:

Carol has a big date tonight. She should wear something special.

Since the date is tonight, it can also be assumed it is tonight that Carol will wear something special.

1. The Functions of Modals
2. Expectation and Conclusion: Should/Ought to/Must

These two functions are similar because we have expectations or make conclusions based on previous information. However, notice the distinction in meaning, as pointed out in the chart on the next page.

12.1 Written Activity: Single Mother

DIRECTIONS: Below are some sentences about a single working mother, Mar]. After each sentence, there is one statement expressing expectation and one statement expressing conclusion. Decide whether each statement expresses expectation or conclusion and fill in one blank with must and the other with should.

Example

CUE: Marj has been divorced with primary custody of her four-year old son, Nicholas, for two years.

RESPONSE: She must be very busy. She shouldn’t be so busy once her child starts school.

1. Marj works full-time at an advertising agency to support herself and her son.

She ... be getting a raise in the next six months, which will make life easier.

She ... be tired when she gets home at the end of the day.

2. She ... receives some child support from her ex-husband, Joe.

She appreciate having that extra support for Nicholas.

She ... be able to afford music lessons for Nicholas next year.

3. Nicholas goes to stay with his father every other weekend.

Nicholas ... look forward to those visits since he is very close to his father.

By next summer, Nicholas ... be old enough to learn how to fish with his father.

5. Both Marj and Joe contribute to an educational savings account for Nicholas.

They ... have $3,000 in the account by next summer.

They ... be very concerned about being able to pay for Nicholas’ education.

6. Marj and Joe communicate often about Nicholas.

They ... understand the importance of continuity and stability in a child’s development.

With this kind of communication, Nicholas ... have a better chance of growing up in a stable environment.

12.2 Paired Activity: Expectation and Conclusion

DIRECTIONS: Work with a partner to ask and answer the following questions. Use should, ought to, or must depending on whether the question is asking you to make a conclusion or express an expectation.

Example

QUESTION: Why do some people stay single?

ANSWER: They must not want to give up their independence.

1. What will the next six months of your life be like?
2. Why is divorce so common now?
3. Why are so many people starting relationships through e-mail?
4. What will your city be like in ten years?
5. How can some people stay married to the same person for so many years?
6. How do you think it feels to give up a baby for adoption?
7. How will your English ability change by the end of this course?
8. Do you think there will be more women in the work force in the future?
9. Suggestion/Recommendation/Advice

The chart below demonstrates how the modals used to give suggestions differ in strength.

12.3 Written Activity: Marriage Counseling

DIRECTIONS: In the dialogue below, a husband and wife are talking to their marriage counselor. For each suggestion given, fill in the blanks with the most appropriate modal from the chart beginning on page 288. There may be more than one correct answer.

WIFE: Rick just isn’t willing to contribute at home. He thinks that because I’m the woman, I should do all the housework.

HUSBAND: Well, I’m at work all day. How can I do housework with a full-time job?

COUNSELOR: Yes, but Rick, don’t forget that Cindy has a full-time job too. I don’t know how you feel about this, but you ... share equally in the housework. Perhaps each of you ... have specific chores that you’re responsible for.

HUSBAND: I don’t know if that will work because even if I do some of the housework, I can’t seem to do it right.

COUNSELOR: Cindy, if you Want Rick to contribute more, you ... trust him to do a good job.

WIFE: I realize that, but it’s very difficult for me because he never does the kind of job that I would do.

COUNSELOR: That’s because he’s not you. You ... start accepting him for what he is, or he’ll never trust you. You ... appreciate the effort he makes and overlook the kind of job he’s done.

12.4 Paired Activity: Making Suggestions

DIRECTIONS: Work in pairs. You and your partner have a brother, Rick, who is 32 years old and still single. You are very concerned about him because you know he really wants to get married. Use the above modals to make a variety of suggestions about how he can meet someone.

Example

He might try joining a club.

12.5 Paired Activity: Should vs. Must

DIRECTIONS: Comment on the following situations using should for expectation or suggestion, and must for conclusion.

Example

SITUATION: Ted just got hired as a consultant to a large computer company after a six- month job search. This is a position he has dreamed about for a long time. CONCLUSION: Ted must be happy he finally found a job. SUGGESTION: He should be satisfied with the position. EXPECTATION: He should receive a good salary for this position.

1. Coleen and Joe have four children. Joe has been unemployed for one year, and Coleen has been working as a nurse to support the family. Coleen and Joe just found out that they won $50,000 in the lottery.
2. Sharon is a university student who has done very poorly this semester. She still has a chance of passing if she does well on her final exams, so for the past week, she has been studying very hard.
3. Mohammed just arrived in the United States for a six-month intensive course of English language study. His wife and children were not able to come with him. He’s hoping to improve his English and learn about American culture while he’s in the U.S., but right now, he is very homesick.
4. Tina and Joe went out on their first date and had a wonderful time. Joe has been very busy, but he hopes to call Tina next week. Tina is surprised that she hasn’t heard from Joe.
5. Leo just returned to his country after spending six months in America. His English became very fluent while he was in America, and he made many American friends. He feels out of place back in his own country and is surprised to find that his friends don’t understand him when he talks about his experiences.
6. Description: Should

This is a function that is most common in conversational English.

12.6 Oral Drill: Using “Should” for Description

DIRECTIONS: When your teacher or partner gives a cue below, use should to describe it.

Example

CUE: YOU just returned from a trip to the Grand Canyon.

RESPONSE: YOU should see the Grand Canyon! It’s amazing.

1. You just bought a brand new sports car.
2. You have been to a wonderful exhibit at the art gallery.
3. You really like the new CD that your favorite band or singer just released.
4. You’re cooking soup and you think it’s really good.
5. A friend of yours started wearing a new perfume that you think is very nice.
6. You’ve discovered a great dating service on the Internet.

12.7 Paired Activity: Functions of “Should”

DIRECTIONS: Read the short passage below about divorce in the United States and ask your teacher any questions you may have about it. After you have read and understood the passage, discuss with your partner or the class as a group the issue of children in divorce and joint custody. As you discuss, use should to express expectation, suggestion, and description.

In a recently published report on divorce in the United States, statistics show that in the last ten years the divorce rate in the United States has increased significantly. Because of the increase in divorce, more attention is being paid to how divorce is affecting children and what arrangements are being made for custody of children when their parents get divorced? In the past, custody of the child in a divorce case was awarded to the mother. However, today many couples are trying joint custody, which means the child spends an equal amount of time with each parent. It is best if a couple can agree on a custody arrangement, but sometimes if the child is old enough, a parent will have the child testify in court in order to win the custody case.

1. Present and Past Habitual Activity: Used To/Would

The chart below shows the modals that are used to express present and past habits.

12.8 Oral Drill: Used to/Would

DIRECTIONS: For each of the statements below about American marriage in the present, make a contrasting statement about what the past habit or custom was. Begin your statement with one of the following phrases: “In the past,” or “Years ago.”

Example

CUE: Today many women don’t get married until their late 20s or early 30s.

RESPONSE: In the past, women would get married in their early 20s.

1. Many couples choose to devote their lives to their careers and a variety of outside interests in place of having children.
2. If a married couple has children, they usually have only one or two.
3. Many women continue in their career after they have a child.
4. Some fathers stay home with a young child while the mother is working.
5. When both the husband and wife are working, the child is taken to a day care center, or a babysitter comes to take care of the child.
6. Very often the extended family does not live in the same city, and the parents of a child can’t depend on the child’s grandparents or aunts and uncles for support.
7. If a couple gets divorced, they often share custody of the child.

12.9 Written Activity: American Dating Customs

DIRECTIONS: The box below shows the difference in some American dating customs before and after the women’s liberation movement. Write a paragraph contrasting the dating practices of yesterday and today. Use would, used to, and be used to whenever possible.

1. The Communicative Functions of Can/Could/Be Able To

Can, could, and be able to are used for requests, offers, permission, ability, and possibility. As shown below, sometimes only the context will determine the distinction in these functions.

12.10 Oral Drill: State the Function

DIRECTIONS: For each of the sentences below, paraphrase any meanings that the sentence can have according to function.

Example

We can’t get married in my fiance’s church.

The church will not give us permission because I am divorced. (Permission)

The church doesn’t have any openings on the day we planned to get married. (Impossibility)

1. I can’t walk home from work.
2. Can you type this letter?
3. When I was young, I could swim in the lake whenever I wanted to.
4. I can work for you tomorrow.
5. I was able to call my family from the post office last week.
6. I can’t write this letter.
7. I can arrive at the church early.
8. I couldn’t pick up my package yesterday.
9. Could you help me fix my computer?
10. I couldn’t play sports when I was in school.

The chart below demonstrates how can, could, and be able to are often used with the same time reference. Note also that one form of the modal can be used for different time references.

12.11 Rapid Drill: Can/Could/Be Able To

DIRECTIONS: For each sentence below, change the tense of the modal to the tense given at the end of the sentence. Then state what the function of the modal is. Sometimes there will be no change in the form of the modal despite the tense change.

Example

I can arrive at the meeting early to help out. (past)

I was able to arrive at the meeting early to help out.

1. Icouldn’tmake any pie for dessert. (future)
2. Iwasn’t able totake a vacation last year. (present)
3. Icandrop him off at the party on my way home. (past)
4. Icouldn’tattend the meeting because I had a previous appointment. (future)
5. Icansing a variety of international folk songs. (past)
6. Icouldn’tcall him last week. (present)
7. Iwas able toleave work early yesterday. (future)
8. Requests, Permission, and Offers

Notice in the chart below that nearly the same modals are used for these three functions. Discuss how the functions can be distinguished.

12.12 Oral Drill: Requests, Permission, and Offers

DIRECTIONS: Using the cue provided, make a request, make an offer, or give permission.

Example

CUE: YOU want to help send the wedding invitations.

RESPONSE: “I could help with the invitations.”

1. You would like to bring a guest to your friend’s wedding.
2. You don’t want your daughter to stay out late.
3. You would like to pick your friend up on the way to a party.
4. You want to know if your teacher will let you miss class.
5. You would like to borrow a book about American weddings from your teacher.
6. You would like to help your friend move into a new apartment.
7. You want to know if your teacher will let you make up a test you missed.

12.13 Oral Drill: Understanding Requests

DIRECTIONS: For each request below, state what the result would be.

Example

QUESTION: Would you mind lending me $1.00?

RESULT: The listener would give the speaker $1.00.

1. Can I borrow your book?
2. Would you mind opening the window?
3. Could you turn the stereo down?
4. Would you light my cigarette?
5. May I see your notes from class?
6. Would you mind if I smoked?
7. Would you mind moving to another seat?
8. Could I have seconds, please?

12.14 Paired Activity: Making Requests

DIRECTIONS: For each of the following situations, make two requests, one in which you want to perform the action and one in which you want the listener to perform the action. In most cases, it will be necessary to use a different verb for each request.

Example

CUE: YOU want the phone number of the person you just met at a party.

RESPONSE: Could I have your phone number?

Would you mind giving me your phone number?

1. Your roommate has a beautiful book that you’d like to see.
2. You are going sightseeing and you’d like to borrow your friend’s camera.
3. You would like to hear the end of the story that your teacher started telling at the end of the last class.
4. You’d like to talk on the phone sometime with the person you just met at a business lunch.
5. You need change for a dollar.
6. You need a ride to work or school tomorrow.
7. Disbelief and Inappropriateness or Inaccuracy: Can't and Most

These expressions are usually used in spoken English.

12.15 Paired Activity: Disbelief, Inappropriateness, and Inaccuracy

DIRECTIONS: You and your partner have a friend who has decided to marry someone from another country and live in their country. Take turns making the statements below about your friend. The other person should use can’t or must to show that something is inappropriate or incorrect or to show disbelief and then give a suggestion related to that particular statement.

Example

STUDENT A: Teresa is going to marry someone from another country.

STUDENT в: YOU must be kidding! She should think this over before she makes any rash decisions.

1. She’s going to live in his country!
2. She’s going to change her religion!
3. She’s going to give up her career.
4. She’ll only come back home to visit once a year!
5. She’s going to be living in a very small village.
6. She’ll have to bring up her kids speaking a different language.

12.16 Paired Activity: Cartoon Mortals

DIRECTIONS: Read the following cartoon and underline the modals. Discuss the function of each modal by paraphrasing the sentence in which it is used.

1. Frustration or Annoyance

This function is used primarily in conversational English.

^alf the proper intonation isn’t used for this, the meaning can be interpreted as necessity. The falling intonation for tag questions is used and there is strong stress on the modal expression:

12.17 Oral Drill: Expressing Frustration or Annoyance

DIRECTIONS: When you studied progressive verbs, you learned that the progressive tense is used to express frustration or annoyance, for example, “You’re always leaving the pots and pans in the sink.” Below are a number of statements that a girlfriend used to express frustration to her boyfriend. Your partner or teacher will read the cue sentence, which will express frustration by using the progressive. Restate the sentence using have to, must, would or would have to.

Example

CUE: You’re forever standing me up.

RESPONSE: YOU have to stand me up, don’t you?

1. You’re always taking me to cheap restaurants.
2. You’re forever talking about other women/men.
3. You’re constantly reminding me about my weight.
4. You’re continually talking about your accomplishments, but you show no interest in mine.
5. You’re always asking me to make all the arrangementsfor our dates.
6. You’re always asking me to drive.
7. You’re forever showing up late for our dates.

12.18 Oral Drill: Frustrating Situations

DIRECTIONS: Express frustration or annoyance after your teacher or partner reads each of the situations below.

Example

SITUATION: YOU receive a telephone call from a friend who says he is getting married. When he tells you the date of the wedding, you realize that you’ll be out of the country. FRUSTRATION: YOU had to schedule your wedding on a day I’m not going to be here, didn’t you!

1. You just made arrangements to take your mother to a movie. Your boyfriend/girlfriend calls you up and asks if you want to go out.
2. You are at a family wedding. You see your cousin walking toward you in the same outfit you are wearing.
3. You are sitting at the breakfast table with your family. You’re looking in the newspaper for the announcement of your brother’s wedding, which took place yesterday. You find it and discover that the newspaper has seriously misspelled your brother’s name in the wedding announcement.
4. You’re on the way to a wedding and you’re 15 minutes late. You run out of gas.
5. You planned a big family reunion to be held at the park. You wake up the day of the party, and it’s raining.
6. You’re talking to a good friend on the telephone about something important and you hear him/her typing on the computer.

12.19 Written Activity: Situational Review

DIRECTIONS: Read each situation and fill in the blanks in the statements that follow the situation with an appropriate modal.

Example

Robin is waiting in the airport for Paul, her husband’s brother, whom she has never met. She has only seen pictures of him. Suddenly she sees a man walking towards her.

1. This man looks different from the pictures, so she thinks, “That can’t be Paul!”
2. The man is waving to her, so she thinks, “That must be Paul.”
3. Randy and Maria are engaged to be married, and it is a week before their wedding. Randy has cold feet and wants to call off the wedding. Maria is talking to her best friend, Liz, about this.
4. Maria is pleading with Liz for assistance and says, “You ... help me!”
5. Liz is shocked to hear the news and says, “He ... be kidding!”
6. Maria is so frustrated with the situation that she says, “He ... get cold feet, didn’t he?”
7. Sally and Dave are out on a date and have just had dinner. They are discussing their plans.
8. Dave is really full and knows it is unhealthy to sit after eating so much. He says, “We ... go sit in a movie after such a big meal!”
9. Dave doesn’t want to get up and leave yet, so he says, “... I buy you an after-dinner drink?”
10. Sally feels very strongly that she needs to get some fresh air, so she says, “We ... take a walk now.”
11. Roxanne and Greg have made plans to go to Hawaii for their honeymoon. Greg’s brothers are discussing the plans.
12. The brothers think that the honeymoon will be great, so one of them says, “They ... have a wonderful honeymoon in Hawaii.”
13. One of the brothers thinks that the best recreation in Hawaii is water sports, so he says, “They ... rent a boat.”
14. One of the brothers thinks that it would be impolite for them to leave the reception early, so he says, “They ... leave for the honeymoon until the reception is over.”
15. Lynn has been communicating with Gary through e-mail for one year and is in love with him. In two weeks they are going to meet. She is talking about the situation with her friend, Caroline.
16. Lynn is expressing her optimism about the meeting and says, “We ... get along pretty well since we have such a solid relationship already. You ... see how romantic his messages are!”
17. Caroline is a bit cynical about e-mail relationships, so she expresses her doubt by saying, “You ... expect him to be the same in person as he is in cyberspace! There ... be something that he hasn’t told you.”
18. Caroline tries to warn Lynn and says, “You ... get your hopes up. You ... be prepared for a surprise.”

12.20 Oral Interview

DIRECTIONS: Interview two or three English-speaking people between the ages of 20-35. Explain that you are a foreign student and that you are writing a report about dating and marriage customs.

1. How can a single person meet men/women in this culture?
2. What are some rules about a first date in your native country? (for example, dress, topics of conversation, behavior)
3. How are dating and marriage customs different today than they were in the past?

12.21 Written Feedback

DIRECTIONS: Use modal constructions to report on your interview.

1. Write at least two sentences reporting the information you received about meeting men/women.
2. Write three sentences explaining rules about a first date.
3. Write one sentence explaining how dating and marriage customs are different today than they were in the past.

Grammatical Patterns Part Two

Preview

DIRECTIONS: Read the following letter that a young man wrote to the “Dear Priscilla” advice column in the newspaper.

Dear Priscilla,

1 I am 24 years old and single. For the past six months I’ve been dating Coleen, a girl that I met at work. I care very deeply for her and have even had thoughts of marriage, but now I’m sure there’s no hope for that.

2 On our first date, Coleen told me that she’s a very religious person. She also said'that she’s looking for a man who has the same religious convictions that she has. I know I should’ve told her the truth right then and there, but I could’ve lost the opportunity to get to know her better. You see, I’m an atheist, but I told her that I am very deeply religious. All these months I’ve pretended to share her feelings about religion, and she must’ve believed me because we’ve become very close.

3 Last night we were at a movie and I made a sarcastic remark about the religious discussion two people were having. Coleen became furious. You should’ve heard her screaming at me! In my opinion, for such a religious person, she shouldn’t have been so hysterical. She might’ve tried to be more levelheaded about the whole issue. Anyway, I became furious too and told her the truth. I apologized and admitted I shouldn’t have been pretending to be something I wasn’t.

4 On one hand, I feel a bit relieved because I couldn’t have pretended much longer. On the other hand, I really love Coleen and she should’ve called by now to make plans for tonight. Please help ….

Afraid That It’s Over

VOCABULARY

atheist: a person who has no God or religion

levelheaded: rational and logical rather than irrational and impulsive

DISCUSSION

Is it important that two people who plan to marry share the same religious convictions? Can a relationship work if the man and the woman have extremely different religious beliefs?

Focus ON GRAMMAR

DIRECTIONS: Find four examples in the preceding letter of sentences containing modals and write them on the lines provided below. For each one, write what really happened and how the writer feels about it.

Example

I know I should’ve told her the truth right then and there, but I could’ve lost the opportunity to get to know her better.

REALITY: He didn’t tell her the truth, and he got to know her better.

FEELING: He regrets not telling the truth, but he’s happy that he had the opportunity to know her better.

SENTENCE 1: ...

REALITY: ...

FEELING : ...

SENTENCE 2: ...

REALITY: ...

FEELING: ...

SENTENCE 3: ...

REALITY:

FEELING: ...

SENTENCE 4: ...

REALITY: ...

FEELING: ...

What generalization can you make about the meaning of these modal constructions?

1. Perfect Modals
2. Perfect Modal Forms

Perfect modals are formed in the following way:

12.22 Recognition Drill: Perfect Modal Forms

DIRECTIONS: Underline all the perfect modals in the “Dear Priscilla” letter.

1. The Functions of Perfect Modals

In general, perfect modals are used to express unfulfilled or unrealized actions or events. They serve some of the same functions that have already been covered in this chapter, as demonstrated in the chart below.

12.23 Oral Drill: Judgement with Should Have and Shouldn’t Have

DIRECTIONS: Below are some problems and some solutions to the problems. Decide on a better solution for each problem and state it using should have.

1. John was very shy, so he never asked Maria out.
2. Jack didn’t have enough money to pay for the dinner, so he left without paying.
3. Marge didn’t know which date to accept for the dance, so she didn’t go.
4. Bob didn’t want to go out with Jill anymore, so he stood her up yesterday.
5. At the last minute, Annette decided that John wasn’t the right person for her to marry, but it was the day of the wedding and everyone was in the church, so she married him anyway.
6. Kathy and Jim have been married for ten years and have a four-year-old son. They haven’t been getting along for the past year and don’t love each other anymore, so they decided to get divorced.
7. Even though Bill wanted to open the door for Kelly, she insisted on opening it herself.

12.24 Written Activity: The Rules

DIRECTIONS: Read the following summary of a book that lists the rules of dating and marriage. Then read each situation which follows, and write two sentences using perfect modals (should have, shouldn’t have, could/couldn’t have, must have, might have) to comment on the situation. For each situation, write the number of the rule that applies. An example is provided for you.

“The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right,” by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, is written for women who want to avoid mistakes in choosing a mate. The premise is that men want a challenge and women can become challenging. Also, if the woman chooses the man, it can lead to a lot of problems, such as not being able to keep his interest. This may sound hokey, but it probably works. It’s practical, not anti-feminist.

There are 35 rules. Here are a few:

The Rules At A Glance:

1 Be a “Creature Unlike Any Other” (You’re beautiful inside and out.)

2 Don’t talk to a man first (and don’t ask him to dance).

3 Don’t stare at men or talk too much.

4 Don’t meet him halfway or go dutch on a date.

5 Don’t call him and rarely return his calls.

6 Always end phone calls first.

7 Don’t accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.

8 Don’t see him more than once or twice a week.

9 No more than casual kissing on the first date.

10 Don’t tell him what to do.

11 Let him take the lead.

12 Don’t expect a man to change or try to change him.

13 Don’t open up too fast.

14 Be honest but mysterious.

Example

SITUATION: Michelle was at a party and she really wanted to meet Richard, but Richard saw her biting her nails and twirling her hair out of nervousness and decided not to talk to her.

SENTENCES: Michelle shouldn’t have acted so nervously.

OR She couldn’t have thought that Richard would be attracted to her when he saw her biting her nails!

OR Richard must have thought she had no self-confidence.

Rule: #1—Be a creature unlike any other.

1. SITUATION: Stephanie and Nick went out on their first date. Stephanie tried to convince Nick to quit smoking. Nick never called Stephanie again.

SENTENCES:

1. ...
2. ...

RULE: ...

2. SITUATION: Mary was at a party and wanted to meet Bruce, who was talking to his friends. She looked at him very intently for a long time to let him know that she was interested in him. He never came over to meet her.

SENTENCES:

a....

b....

Rule: ...

3. SITUATION: Mark and Cindy were on their first date. They were just finishing a wonderful meal at a restaurant. The bill came, and Cindy insisted on splitting the bill.

SENTENCES:

1. ...
2. ...

RULE: ...

4. SITUATION: Nathan and julie were on their first date. Julie felt very comfortable with Nathan, so she told him all about her past relationships.

SENTENCES:

1. ...
2. ...

Rule: ...

5. SITUATION: Gina went out with Peter once, and she really liked him. She was hoping to go out with him again, but he didn't call her. She thought maybe he had lost her phone number, so she called him.

SENTENCES:

1. ...
2. ...

RULE: ...

6. SITUATION:David called Linda on Thursday to ask her out on a date. When he said that he wanted to take her out on Saturday, she said, “Oh, that’s wonderful. We can go to the opening at the Art Gallery!”

SENTENCES:

1. ...
2. ...

RULE: ...

12.25 Written Activity: Surrogate Mother

DIRECTIONS: Read the following passage about a surrogate mother. Then, in pairs discuss the questions that follow the passage, using must have to make conclusions.

Susan Lee signed a $10,000 contract with Maria and Michael Cole to be a surrogate mother for them because they were unable to have their own child. This meant that she would be artificially inseminated, carry their baby for nine months, deliver the baby, and give it up to them. After she delivered the baby, however, Susan had second thoughts and didn’t want to give her to the Coles. She escaped with the baby, but she was found, and the case later went to a court as a custody battle. The Coles won custody of the baby, and Susan was given minimal visitation rights.

Example

QUESTION: HOW do you think the Coles felt when they found out they couldn’t have a child of their own?

They must have been very disappointed and they must have felt desperate to look for a surrogate mother.

1. Why do you think Susan Lee agreed to be a surrogate mother to begin with?
2. How do you think Susan felt after she delivered the baby?
3. What arguments do you think were used on both sides of the court case?
4. How do you think the Coles felt when they won custody of the baby?
5. How do you think Susan Lee felt when the Coles won custody of the baby?
6. What are your opinions about this case? Use should have/shouldn’t have.

12.26 Written Activity: Problem-Solving

DIRECTIONS: The following passage describes some problems that Diane and Tim had after they had their first child. Work with a partner to complete the chart that follows the passage. First, state each problem of this situation in your own words. Then make a conclusion about each particular problem using must have. Finally, state how the problems should have been solved. Be ready to share your ideas orally with the class. There is an example at the beginning of each column.

Diane had a full-time job as chief editor of a woman’s magazine. She and Tim had discussed what her work schedule would be after she had the baby, but they couldn’t come to an agreement She had decided that she couldn’t give up her career and she went back to work full time when the baby was six weeks old. Tim didn’t agree with this; he thought it was important for the baby to be with his mother for the first year. He was willing to work long hours to provide the extra income for this. Diane was afraid that if she didn’t go back to work right away, she would lose her position. John was worried that if Diane went back to work, the baby wouldn’t get proper care.

12.27 Paired Activity: Your Past

DIRECTIONS: Use perfect modals to talk about your past with your partner. Express unrealized possibilities, regrets, disbelief, and untapped abilities. Try to use the following verbs along with any other verbs that you need: work, do, spend, think, tell, buy, feel, teach.

Example

I should have worked at a part time job when I was in college, so that I wouldn’t still be paying off student loans.

12.28 Written Activity: Arranged Marriages

DIRECTIONS: For each situation below about the practice of arranged marriages, write sentences expressing the given functions. Use perfect modals. The first one is done for you as an example.

1. In some countries, there was no dating because arranged marriages were the custom.

JUDGMENT: Parents should have allowed dating if that’s what the children preferred.

DISBELIEF: ...

CONCLUSION: ...

2. In the past, a woman was expected to marry the man her family chose for her and devote her life to him.

CONCLUSION: ...

DESCRIPTION: ...

IMPOSSIBILITY: ...

3. Since divorce was uncommon in those days, if either the husband or wife discovered that they were mismatched, they were forced to accept the situation.

JUDGMENT ...

INABILITY: ...

12.29 Written Activity: Answering the Letter

DIRECTIONS: Write an answer to the letter on pages 279-280. Use perfect modals in your answer.

1. Special Problems with Modals

12.30 Editing Activity

DIRECTIONS: Find the error in each of the following sentences and correct it.

1. Sarah thought that a computer dating service must to be a more reliable way of meeting eligible men.
2. When she first heard about the service, she didn’t was able to decide if she wanted to sign up.
3. After she signed up, she had to deciding which man she wanted to contact.
4. She could have went out with ten different men.
5. She must is going to meet someone she likes eventually.
6. She cans refuse a date with any of these men if she wants to.
7. She had to gave a lot of information about herself when she filled out the application.
8. She should have wrote only the truth about herself, but she lied about her height.
9. She couldn’t have meeting any men if she hadn’t signed up for this service.
10. Caroline should might meet someone that she really like through the computer dating service.

Focus on Writing

Passive and Progressive After Modals

Modals can be followed by passive or progressive verb constructions with present or past time reference. These forms are especially useful in writing.

Modal + Progressive

1. Mothersshould be staying home with their children! (Present)
2. The immigration officeshould have been keeping you informed about your visa. (Past)

Modal + Passive

3. Because of his outstanding achievement, heshould be awarded the scholarship. (Present)
4. Contrary to the media reports, her lifecouldn’t have been saved. (Past)

12.30 Fill in the Blanks: Progressive and Passive After Modals

DIRECTIONS: Below are some sentences about teenage pregnancy. Fill in the blanks with a modal and the passive or progressive form of the verb in parentheses.

Example

Teenage pregnancy is an issue that should be discussed (discuss) by teenagers, their parents, and their teachers.

1. Teenagers ... (inform) about the dangers of promiscuity.
2. Such a high teenage pregnancy rate ... (avoid) through better education.
3. After some parents find out that their teenage daughters are pregnant, they realize that they ... (educate) their daughters more carefully.
4. Some parents are surprised that this has happened to their daughters and they conclude that their daughters ...(pressure) by their peers.
5. There is a lot of controversy about whether contraceptives ... (distribute) to high school students at school clinics.
6. Some people are convinced that if a teenage girl becomes pregnant, she ... (neglect) by her parents.
7. Teenagers ... (learn) to think about the consequences of their actions.
8. This problem ... (ignore), or it will become more serious.

12.31 Written Activity: Paraphrasing

DIRECTIONS: The sentences below are about Stan and Jill, who are getting divorced. Paraphrase each sentence, using a passive or progressive modal. The beginning of the paraphrase is provided.

Example

It's impossible that Stan and Jill were communicating very well.

Stan and Jill couldn’t have been communicating very well.

1. I’m not sure if they were going steady when I met them, but it’s possible.

They ...

2. Stan and Jill didn’t tell their parents they were getting married, and I think that’s wrong.

Their parents ...

3. They told everyone that were happy, but now we can only conclude that they were lying.

They ...

4. It was impossible to save their marriage.

Their marriage ...

5. I can only conclude that they told their children about the divorce. Their children ...
6. It’s unfortunate that they weren't seeing a marriage counselor.

They ...

7. I’m sure Jill hired a lawyer to negotiate the settlement.

A lawyer ...

8. It’s possible that Stan was trying to get custody of one child.

Stan ...

9. I expect that they will resolve the case in court.

The case ...

10. I can’t believe they were expecting to settle this in one month!

They ...

Analysis of an Authenic Text

PRE-READING DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Are astrological signs important to you? Do you want to make sure you marry someone with a compatible astrological sign? Is it important to get to know the family of your future husband/wife?

DIRECTIONS: Read the following excerpt from Linda Goodman’s Star Signs. This description of the Cancer man (June 22-July 23) is addressed to the girlfriends of men born under this sign.

The Cancer Man

1 Let’s hope you find his mother congenial. If fact, let’s pray you do. It’s fairly certain she’ll pop up in his conversation frequently, in remarks like, “You use frozen pies and instant potatoes? My mother used to bake her own bread when I was a youngster.” This paragon of virtue is quite likely to pop up just as often in person, when you least expect it. “Darling, I have to cancel our date for the theater tonight. I’m driving mother out to the country for a few days.” To put it mildly, the Cancer man may be reluctant to dethrone Mama and crown you as his new queen.

2 There are certain traits, however, that can even up the score in your relationship. For one, he’ll be a pretty good chef himself. He may surprise you with his ability to whip up a gourmet meal.

VOCABULARY

Look up the following words in your dictionary if you’re not sure of their meanings.

congenial

paragon

reluctant

dethrone

traits

COMPREHENSION QUESTIONS

1. How does the Cancer man feel about his mother?
2. How will a girlfriend of a Cancer man feel about his mother?

GRAMMATICAL ANALYSIS

DIRECTIONS: Decide which modals given in parentheses after each sentence can replace the underlined modal in the sentence without changing the meaning. Discuss how the meaning would change if the other modals were used.

1. My motherused to bake her own bread when she was a youngster. (would, had to, could)
2. Darling, Ihave to cancel our date for the theater tonight. (had to, must, should, might)
3. To put it mildly, the Cancer manmay be reluctant to dethrone Mama, (must, can, should, had better)
4. There are certain traits, however, thatcan even up the score in your relationship. (may, could, should)

Composition Topics

In this chapter you have had the opportunity to find out about and discuss dating, marriage, and divorce. Now formulate your ideas in a well-organized and well-written composition. Choose a topic from those listed below.

1. Describe your vision of a match made in heaven. What personality traits should this person possess? What requirements does the person have to meet?
2. Discuss your opinion about “The Rules” as listed in Exercise 12.24.
3. Describe a relationship (romantic, social, or business) you had once that was not as successful as you would have liked. State what you could have or should have done differently.