Writing skills success - LearningExpress 2009

Lesson 11. Using verbs to create strong writing
Pretest

If you make yourself understood, you’re always speaking well.

—Moliere, French playwright (1622-1673)

LESSON SUMMARY

Capturing your reader’s interest is your main goal in writing. In Lesson 11, learn how verbs can help you accelerate your writing abilities and liven up the tone of your work. Using strong verbs can really help reinvigorate the way your message is delivered.

Few people bother to read uninteresting writing. Even if they read it, they may not absorb the message. This lesson discusses ways to use verbs that will make your writing lively and interesting for the reader. Read the two paragraphs on the next page. Which one seems livelier, more interesting? The paragraphs tell an identical story, but one of them uses verbs effectively to tell the story in such a way that it is more likely to be remembered. The sentences are presented one at a time, side by side, so you can make the comparison more easily.

Active vs. Passive Voice

When the subject of a sentence performs the action of the verb, we say the sentence is active. Write using active verbs to make your writing more conversational and interesting. In a sentence with an active verb, the person or thing that performs the action is named before the verb, or the action word(s), in a sentence. This may sound confusing, but the following examples illustrate the difference. The italicized words show who is performing the action. The underlined words are verbs.

In each of the active verb sentences, the person performing the action is named first. If you look more closely at these examples, you’ll notice that the active verb versions are shorter and clearer. They sound more like natural conversation. Strive for these qualities in your writing. The following table illustrates the difference between active and passive voice in several of the verb tenses you learned in Lesson 10.

Most writers prefer active voice to passive voice because it makes the writing lively and more dynamic. Generally, readers find active writing easier to read and remember. In this table and the one on page 90, you can see that active voice sentences tend to be shorter than passive ones.

Practice

Choose the sentence written in active voice from each of the following sets. The answers to each set of questions can be found at the end of the lesson.

1. a. Holly and Ryan played Monopoly all afternoon.

b. Holly and Ryan were playing Monopoly all afternoon.

2. a. Next October, the new wing of the library will be opening.

b. Next October, the new wing of the library will open.

3. a. Three new members were introduced by the committee.

b. The committee introduced three new members.

4. a. The shrubs will be planted by the gardener.

b. The gardener will plant the shrubs.

5. a. I brought Kevin to school every day for the past month.

b. I was bringing Kevin to school every day for the past month.

6. a. The company barbecue is often planned by the accounting department.

b. The accounting department often plans the company barbecue.

7. a. Every summer, thousands of tourists will visit the island.

b. Every summer, the island will be visited by thousands of tourists.

When to Use Passive Voice

In addition to lacking life, the passive voice can also signal an unwillingness to take responsibility for actions or an intention to discourage questioning. The following sentence illustrates this:

It has been recommended that twenty workers be laid off within the next three months.

The passive voice here is intended to make a definite statement of fact, one that will not be questioned. It leaves no loose ends. Dictators often write and speak in passive voice. A thoughtful person will see past the passive voice and ask questions anyway. Who is recommending this action? Why? Who will be doing the laying off? How will workers be chosen?

Passive voice is not always bad, however. Sometimes, though rarely, it actually works better than active voice. The following are situations in which passive voice is preferable to active voice.

1. When the object is more important than the agent of action (the doer)

Sometimes, in scientific writing, the object is the focus rather than the doer. The following paragraph is written in both passive and active voice, respectively. The first paragraph is more appropriate in this case because the operation, not the doctor, is the focus of the action. The passage cannot be written in active voice without placing the emphasis on the doer, the doctor. Therefore, passive voice is the better choice in this instance.

Passive voice:

The three-inch incision is made right above the pubic bone. Plastic clips are used to clamp off blood vessels and minimize bleeding. The skin is folded back and secured with clamps. Next, the stomach muscle is cut at a 15-degree angle, right top to bottom left.

Active voice:

The doctor makes a three-inch incision right above the pubic bone. He uses plastic clips to clamp off the blood vessels and minimize bleeding. He folds back the skin and secures it with clamps. Next, he cuts the stomach muscle at a 15-degree angle, right top to bottom left.

2. When the agent of action (doer) is unknown or secret

Sometimes, a newswriter will protect a source by writing, “It was reported that . . .” In other instances, perhaps no one knows who perpetrated an action: “First State Bank was robbed . . .”

3. When passive voice results in shorter sentences without detracting from the meaning

Generally, active voice is shorter and more concise than passive voice. However, there are a few exceptions. Examine the examples in the following table. If using passive voice saves time and trouble, in addition to resulting in a shorter sentence, use it.

Other Life-Draining Verb Constructions

If thought is a train, then verbs are the wheels that carry the cargo along. The thought will move more quickly if it is transported by many big, strong wheels. Here are some constructions to avoid as well as suggestions for choosing bigger, better verbs.

Using State - of-Being Verbs

State-of-being verbs are all the forms of be: am, is, are, was, were, and so on. State-of-being verbs don’t do as much as action verbs to move meaning. In our train- of-thought analogy, state-of-being verbs are very tiny wheels, incapable of moving big thoughts quickly or easily. If you have only trivial things to say, by all means, use state-of-being verbs. If your ideas are more complex or interesting, they will require bigger and better verbs.

Look at the following paragraphs. In the first version, most of the verbs are state-of-being verbs. In the second version, action verbs make the paragraph more interesting.

State-of-being verbs:

The class was outside during noon recess. The sunshine was bright. Earlier in the day, there was rain, but later, the weather was pleasant. The breeze was slight; the newly fallen leaves were in motion. Across the street from the school was an ice cream truck. It was what the children were looking at longingly.

Action verbs:

The class played outside during noon recess. The sun shone brightly. Earlier in the day, rain had fallen, but later, pleasant weather arrived. A slight breeze blew the newly fallen leaves. The children looked longingly at the ice cream truck across the street.

Turning Verbs into Nouns

Naturally, if you take the wheels off the train of thought and put them on a flatbed as cargo, the train will not move as well. Look at the following two sentences. In the first one, several verbs have been turned into nouns to make the writing sound “intellectual.” This “verification” actually makes the writing more difficult to read. The second sentence communicates the same information with the same amount of sophistication, but turning the nouns back into verbs makes it easier to read. Verb forms are highlighted to make them easier to identify.

The customer service division is now conducting an assessment of its system for the reaction to consumer concerns and the development of new products.

The customer service division is assessing its system for reacting to consumer concerns and developing new products.

Adding Unnecessary Auxiliary Verbs

Generally, if you don’t need an auxiliary verb (have, had, is, are, was, were, will, would, and so on) to carry meaning (see Lesson 10), don’t use one.

Starting with There or It

Many sentences unnecessarily begin with there is/are/was/were or with it is/was. Usually, all those words do is postpone the beginning of the actual thought. The following sentences illustrate how these life-draining words can be removed from your writing.

Use Lively, Interesting Verbs

If you want to move thought efficiently, work for precision and look for verbs that create an image in the reader’s mind. Compare the following sentences to see this principle in action.

Practice

Choose the best sentence from each set. Keep in mind what you have learned about verbs in this lesson.

8. a. Incredibly useful feedback was given by the committee members about the proposed fund-raiser.

b. The committee members gave incredibly useful feedback about the proposed fund-raiser.

9. a. The campsite was set up by the group of scouts quickly and then they went to the mess tent for lunch.

b. The group of scouts swiftly set up camp, then headed to the mess tent for lunch.

10. a. Those who hire customer service representatives think that an excellent phone manner is more important than previous work experience.

b. Those responsible for the hiring of customer service representatives have a greater consideration for the manner in which applicants speak on the phone than they do for the work experience they bring to the job.

11. a. There are three rules that you should follow when you play this game.

b. You should follow three rules when you play this game.

12. a. There are several options we have to choose from: fish, chicken, steak, or pasta.

b. Several choices are offered: fish, chicken, steak, or pasta.

13. a. Jack ran fast to the store; trying get there before they closed.

b. Jack raced to get to the store before it closed.

14. a. The applicant must have excellent programming skills.

b. It is necessary for the applicant to have excellent programming skills.

Answers

1. a.

2. b.

3. b.

4. b.

5. a.

6. b.

7. a.

8. b.

9. b.

10. a.

11. b.

12. b.

13. b.

14. a.

TIP

As you read newspapers, magazines, textbooks, or other materials today, look for examples of sentences in active voice and in passive voice. Try converting some passive voice sentences into active voice and vice versa. Which version is more effective?