Complete guide to college application essays - The Princeton Review 2020

Knowing your drafts

How to Refine Your Essay and Make the Final Draft Shine

In this chapter, we will focus on taking your draft from good to great. By the time you have finished this chapter, you should know:

·  who will edit your essay

·  how you can best incorporate feedback

·  what common errors to look for

Editing: An overview

Congratulations! You’ve made it over one of the biggest hurdles in essay writing: putting your ideas onto a page. Completing an initial draft is a daunting first step, but now it’s time to put on your editor hat. Editing is vital to the revision process because you want to make sure that your key points are clear to others. Even if English is their first language, many students make it hard for admissions officers to understand them. We recommend that, in addition to reviewing the essay yourself, you enlist the help of some outside sources.

It doesn’t matter how good your essay is if no one can understand it.

ACTIVITY

What I Meant Was…

Some people find it’s easier to edit work that isn’t their own. Act as a fresh set of eyes for this introduction and follow along with the edits to see how you can apply similar tactics and observations to your own work. Let’s look at a short sample.

Some people are more curious than others. You aren’t satisfied with a simple explanations. They must know how and why they are scientists.

What is wrong with this introduction?

—

Now look at what this introduction looks like AFTER editing.

Everybody is curious. Some people are more curious than others. They aren’t satisfied with a simple explanation. They must know how and why. They are scientists.

What specific changes made this introduction stronger? Why did those changes have such a positive effect?

What can YOU do to avoid leaving mistakes in your own essay?

For comparison, here are some of our best answers to the last question.

·  Ask someone else to edit your essay.

·  Edit your essay multiple times.

·  Make sure your writing is clear and direct.

Do not rely on spell-check. That’s an external tool that comes at the start of your editing process, not the end. You’ll still want to check everything yourself.

Overall drafting advice

Before you start the editing process, there are a few overall rules that will make it as easy as possible to turn your first draft into a great personal essay:

•It’s easier to cut than to add.

The first draft of your essay should be a bit too long. You will find that, as you work through this chapter, you will end up revising or removing much of your original text. You don’t want to be in a situation where, after making cuts, you’re now under the minimum word count.

•Rome wasn’t built in a day.

It took Thomas Edison over a thousand tries to create the first lightbulb. Hopefully, your essay will not need as many attempts, but be prepared to write and rewrite this essay many times. The best essays go through a ton of drafts and editors. Give yourself plenty of time for this process.

•Let it sit.

When you are done with a draft, wait at least two days before you go back and edit it again. This will allow you to look at the essay with fresh eyes and see errors that you might otherwise have overlooked. Similarly, when you think your essay is ready to send in, put it aside for a week before a final edit.

•Don’t be afraid to start over.

If you have been stuck editing the same portions of your essay over and over again without any improvement, it may be time to choose a different topic that you feel more comfortable with. Alternatively, stick with what you’ve chosen, but take an entirely new approach to that story.

“Write, edit—rewrite, have someone new edit—rewrite, have a new person read it. Spend time getting this essay as close to perfect as possible.”

—George Mason University

Finding the right editors

“I would recommend that all college essays be read by a teacher and another source. So many issues could easily be avoided.”

—Moravian College

Set down this book for a moment and go browse through some social media posts—it’s okay, we’re giving you permission. (But don’t take too long!)

Now that you’re back (welcome!), think about the number of grammatical errors you spotted along the way and the types of posts in which those were more prevalent. It’s likely that the personal accounts you browsed were more prone to making mistakes, whereas the professional accounts—like those of news organizations—were likely to be more carefully worded. Now, the admissions officers are looking for a personal statement, but they do expect it to demonstrate a certain level of professionalism, so follow in the footsteps of the professionals and make sure at least one other pair of eyes is looking over what you’re submitting.

The information you send to colleges shouldn’t be at the level of a tweet—imagine having to tell them everything they needed to know about you in 280 characters! So, set the emoji or GIF keyboard down and get yourself a reliable editor who can help you impress the admissions officers.

Should I ask someone who knows me?

There are both upsides and downsides to asking someone you know to edit your essay. Someone you know will be more likely to know the story that you are telling, understand the context, and be able to help you come up with other personal experiences to use. But they may also fill in blanks in your essay with their own knowledge. That’s okay, though; there is no reason to limit yourself to only one editor. In fact, the more quality editors you have, the better your essay will be.

Don’t be afraid to use multiple editors! The voice and the work should remain your own, but more eyes can help you catch errors.

What should I look for in an editor?

Every reader brings something different to the table, so here’s a handy guide to why each of the following types of readers can give you valuable, and different, feedback.

Unconditional love from family is great, but when you’re editing, what you need most is tough love. Make sure you don’t just pick people who are going to be nice to you, or you may wind up with a perfectly sweet, perfectly forgettable essay.

Professional Editors

There are many companies that offer professional editing services for the college essay. If you feel that your group of editors is not sufficient, this may be an idea worth pursuing. (Not to toot our own horn, but you can find our services at princetonreview.com/college-admissions/college-essay-review.)

ACTIVITY

Brainstorm: Who Should You Ask to Edit Your Essay?

Based on what you’ve learned so far, identify two people to edit your essay. Ask yourself the following questions to get the wheels turning:

Who are the five best writers that you know?

What teachers did the most to make you a better writer?

Who are the five people that know you better than anyone else?

Do you know anyone who works at a college admissions office?

Write out the names of your editors.

SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAYS

All that we have discussed about editors also applies to the supplemental essay. Your supplemental essay should have multiple editors and should go through several drafts.

But when selecting editors, there is one more question that you should add to the list of questions on this page.

Do you know anyone who went to that college?

Alumni will have a great inside view of the college that will make them great editors. They will be able to tell you whether your essay sounds generic or whether any real passion comes through. They may also have some great specific ideas that you can use to improve your essay.

MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR EDITORS

Once you have your editors, you’ll need to send them your essay so that they can mark it up and give you feedback. But you may also want to prompt them to look for specific things, especially if they have differing areas of expertise, so that you can get the most out of them. After all, you don’t just want them to run the same sort of spell-check that your word processing software can do!

Ask Them About More than Just the Grammar

You don’t want to overwhelm your editors—they’re doing you a favor, after all. But believe it or not, you’ll actually be helping them if you provide them with a list of questions to think about as they read the essay. By all means, encourage your editors to give you separate feedback if they have any, but these targeted lists of questions will help them help you, and that’s what any good editor wants to do.

·  What is the main idea of the essay?

·  Did it answer the question?

·  Based on this essay, what do you know about me?

·  What did this essay do well?

·  Did the introduction catch your attention?

·  How was the conclusion?

These questions will help you tackle the big picture and make sure that you essay is not just well written but also successful.

ACTIVITY

Evaluate Yourself

Now that you’ve had some distance from writing a draft of your own essay, reread it and see how you would evaluate its current state.

What is the main idea of the essay?

Did it answer the question?

Based on this essay, what do you know about me?

What did this essay do well?

Did the introduction catch your attention?

How was the conclusion?

Incorporating feedback

You will get a lot of valuable input by having different people review your essay, especially from non-traditional sources who can see things others don’t. However, there are some cases where your editors may give you advice that is at odds with your other editors. When in doubt, listen to the professionals: college counselors, college admissions officers, and books like this..

Not all of your editors will be professionals who know the college admissions process inside and out. When taking advice from family and friends, remember to listen to the experts when in doubt.

Here are some examples of common suggestions from editors that you should NOT take.

You Can’t Write About How You Had Trouble in [middle school]!

Yes, you can! In fact, many good essays feature some kind of struggle and/or growth. You should come across as a person, but not as a perfect one. But if you do talk about how you had trouble organizing your schedule in middle school, for example, there should be some sign of growth. If your essay could be summed up as “I used to be disorganized, I still am, and I have done nothing to work on that,” that is going to be a hard sell.

Why Didn’t You Say Anything About Your [chemistry medal]?

Because it has nothing to do with this story. Remember, this is not a list of achievements, this is a personal statement. All of that important information about chemistry medals, soccer championships, or even Fortnite rankings should be listed elsewhere in your application. You do not need to repeat it here, unless it is directly tied to your personal statement.

That’s Too Personal! You Can’t Write About That!

Yes, you can! Yes, you should! The more specific and personal your essay is, the better it will be.

You Can’t Use Humor!

As we discussed in the previous chapter, you can use humor, you just have to be very careful. Check with a number of readers to make sure that your joke is actually funny and recognizable in the context of the essay as a joke. If your joke could be considered in any way bigoted or offensive, get rid of it.

You Can’t Talk About [politics]!

You’ll usually hear this when referring to religion and politics, but it also comes up when dealing with addiction or mental health issues. Yes, you can discuss these topics, but tread carefully. If you are talking about your experience volunteering for a political campaign or working for Habitat for Humanity, that is great. This is not, however, the place for your political manifesto, a thing that would show only one very small facet of your personality. Focus instead on your experiences and what they have meant to you.

Formal Essays Are Supposed to Be in the Third-Person!

Not this one. It’s a PERSONal essay, and it’s awfully hard to get yourself in there as a person without the use of “I” or “me.”

Make sure you distinguish between feedback you disagree with or that you feel would require a lot of work, and feedback that the reader doesn’t have expertise in.

There’s an old saying to the effect of “You know it when you see it.” The quality of a good editor is being able to explain what that something is. The people reviewing your work may not always be able to articulate their reasoning or to convince you, but they’ve always got a good intention behind flagging something.

You should absolutely follow up with an editor if you’re confused, but even if you ultimately disagree with the comment made about a given sentence or paragraph, consider leaving that text underlined, and come back to it another day with fresh eyes. Now, without considering any other comments, make sure the sentence reads well and that it flows and connects with everything around it. You may discover the very thing that makes the sentence feel off.

“Be true to your voice and be very judicious about incorporating editorial advice from friends and parents. It’s your essay.”

—Connecticut College

Stages of editing

If you were on a sinking ship—the Titanic, for example—would you take time to make sure that the deck chairs were properly stowed before making your way to the lifeboats? Of course not, and when you’re working on your essay, you shouldn’t be worry about whether to use a period or a semi-colon until after you’ve made sure that the overall personal statement is answering the actual prompt.

This type of editing is known as triage—start by fixing the most critical issues before you move on to issues with any individual lines.

In short, you don’t need to, and probably shouldn’t, try to fix everything in your essay in a single pass. You’ll probably end up missing things that way! Instead, make a list of the things you most need to focus on, and address some of those first. Repeat the process on draft after draft until there’s nothing left to fix. You can use more than the following three stages of editing, but it’s a good framework to start from.

The Big Picture

These will be your earliest drafts. You should be focused on making sure that your essay answers the question, that it is clear, and that you come across as a likeable and desirable candidate.

Make sure that your essay is clear and focused on answering the question.

The Medium Picture

Once you have the basics nailed down, you can start focusing on the introduction and conclusion to make your solid essay much stronger.

The Small Picture

This is where you are going to sand down the last rough edges of your essay. You should be focusing on all of the small grammatical errors that spell-check tends not to catch. This is also where you can do a final review for wordiness, repetition, and varied vocabulary and sentence structure.

Just as your own editing should go through these steps, you should have your editors looking for different things at different stages. For example, it may make sense to have your college counselor be one of the first people to read your essay, as they know more than most about the issues you should be focused on in the Big Picture stage.

FOCUSING ON THE BIG PICTURE

Before you worry about specifics, you need to make sure that your essay accomplishes what you want it to accomplish!

ACTIVITY

Pre-Editing Checklist

Think about your essay goals and develop a unique checklist to help get you there.

Going from Good to Great

Many people associate editing with only identifying and fixing things that are bad. However, editing is great way to call out sentences or ideas that are effective and well-done. Give yourself a pat on the back and work on developing these already strong sections to turn your essay from good to great.

Don’t just look through your essay to get rid of the bad parts. Find the parts of your essay that are especially strong and expand on them.

ACTIVITY

Where Have All the Good Lines Gone?

Go through your essay and identify the three parts of it that you feel are most effective. These can be as little as a really good turn of phrase or as large as a paragraph.

If you have not yet written a draft, or if you just want to practice before working on your own essay, look for the three most effective parts of the essay below.

Note: The prompt was to make up a question that is personally relevant, state it clearly, and answer it. The student below posed the question: What areas are you particularly interested in studying and why? How did your interests develop?

Everybody is curious. Some people are more than others. They aren’t satisfied with a simple explanation. They must know how and why. They are scientists.

Some people think it’s irrelevant how or why the world works just so long as it does. Content not to think too hard, they miss out on the sheer wonder that is the world around them. Scientists, on the other hand, learn something amazing every day.

I first began to think about a future in natural science as a seventh-grader when I started a book called Hyperspace, by physicist Michio Kaku. I was somewhat familiar with science fiction staples like black holes, time travel, parallel universes, and higher dimensions, but only as plot devices on Star Trek. A lot of it was beyond my grasp, since I had never taken a physics class, but I had always been interested in the concepts. To think that real scientists seriously theorized about any of it inspired me to read on.

I turned to The Physics of Star Trek, which considered the possibility (or not) of the many novelties of the show (like the holodeck, warp drive, and matter transporter) actually existing within the confines of the physical world. Physics seemed a wonderful adventure, so naturally I couldn’t wait for my first physics course in high school.

I had to survive chemistry first. At my school, chemistry was considered the most difficult subject around. I didn’t have much trouble with it, so I enrolled for a second year to prepare for the AP exam. Concurrently, I took physics and a required semester of biochemistry. I wondered at times if I was nuts to do so, but I braved the elements and was fascinated by what chemistry had to offer: a background for interpreting natural happenings and a means to advance scientific understanding in general, a worthwhile pursuit.

The AP in chemistry required not only a wealth of knowledge, but also an abundance of lab work. I grew confident working with the techniques and equipment and always looked forward to working in the lab. Concepts were one thing, but demonstrating them in the lab provided a whole new insight into what made things work and introduced us to many lab techniques and approaches. Investigations into enzyme performance revealed the effects of various influences; countless titrations of solutions perfected our methods; gel electrophoresis and qualitative analysis tested our nerves and concentration. That year, chemistry was my most challenging subject, and it took up a significant portion of my time. But it was also the most rewarding. Suddenly, it seemed like chemistry could be part of my future. Now, it seems a more and more possible path. In the meantime, I am a school science lab assistant. I want to explore chemistry and chemical engineering, physics, and biochemistry before narrowing my choices. I want to work in the laboratory, either on the pure or applied side of science.

In any case, I will never stop being curious. I’m a scientist.

—

Next, look at each of the three excerpts that you have found and answer the questions below for each.

1. What makes this more effective than the rest of the essay?

2.How can you make the rest of your text as effective as this?

The Message Is Clear

Even the best essay ever written won’t help you achieve your college admissions goals unless it also addresses your selected prompt. Refer back to your prompt often during the early revision stages to make sure you’re answering the question clearly and concisely.

“Remember that people are reading the essays very quickly, and so make sure that when a reader is done with an essay, they can sum up what they just read in a sentence or a clause.”

—Sarah Lawrence College

Be Likeable

You’ve probably heard this before: “It’s not what you say, but how you say it.” With the college essay, however, what you say might actually be more important. Admissions officers will certainly look at your coherence and grammar, but the most cleanly written and compelling essay won’t get you anywhere if what it’s communicating is alarming.

To put it another way, the essay you’re writing serves as a self-portrait. It should be interesting, detailed, and positive. You do not want to present yourself in a manner that will make colleges believe that you will be a liability to their institution. In certain cases, this is really obvious. Writing an essay on your love for bullying people on Facebook is an obvious example, but there are more subtle ways that students can trip themselves up. Here are few things to avoid.

Nobody wants a lecture. Do you have very strong feelings about climate change, economic policy, or the correct way to load a dishwasher? Great! Do you have a very strong urge to tell your reader what they should be doing about climate change, economic policy, or the correct way to load a dishwasher? Not great. Focus on what you have done and what you think and feel, not what others should do.

Don’t be condescending. Be careful how you portray those you disagree with, as you never know who is reading your essay. This most often happens in essays dealing with politics or religion. Once again, keep it focused on you and your actions.

Where’s the person? It’s hard to come across as a likeable person if you don’t come across as a person at all. This is not a list of achievements and not a manifesto, it is a chance for colleges to get a more complete idea of who you are as a person to balance out all of your grades and other raw data.

More Common Errors to Avoid

Saying that something changed your life. Don’t say this, show this! Often, students will talk about how important an event was in their life without ever discussing specifics. How did you feel during the event itself? What specifically changed? Can you use specific anecdotes to show who you were before, who you are now, and how they differ? For example, instead of writing a play-by-play history of the soccer championship, write about what you were feeling in the moment, why that game was especially important to you, or how that game served as the pinnacle of years of hard work.

Too perfect. If the conclusion of your essay could be summed up as “they all lived happily after,” you may have a problem. Also, if you appear to be completely perfect, you have not shown them a complex person. The best essays include things like ongoing struggles, doubt, and failure because it is nearly impossible to show growth without it. It is far better to be honestly real than perfectly fake. If you are writing an essay about your struggles with organization in middle and early high school, it should end with the recognition that, though you have made progress, there is still work to be done. If that essay leaves the reader with the impression that you used to have a problem with organization, but now you have completely overcome the problem, your essay is too perfect.

Too whiny. The struggle can be real, and it’s fine to talk about the disadvantages you’ve had to contend with. But this essay isn’t meant to be an excuse for any personal failings, nor is it a pity party. Write that stuff out of your system and then remember that what your reader is looking for is growth. This doesn’t mean that you’ve totally overcome all obstacles and adversities (again, avoid being too perfect), but it does mean that you’ve had accomplishments.

Avoid essays where you talk about what other people do to you and focus instead on what YOU do. For example, instead of talking about how everyone is mean to you, refocus on how you’ve struggled to make friends. Once you’ve identified the issue, point out some positives that have resulted from that, or steps that you’ve taken. For instance, perhaps not having a large social circle resulted in having more free time, time in which you did a lot of reading and perhaps started an online book club or a review blog.

Do you see the difference? In one scenario, you’re a passive observer, having things done to you. In the other, you’re an active participant, taking charge of a bad situation. Which of those two people is more interesting to you?

ACTIVITY

Keeping Active

Look at the sample below. Make separate lists of actions done by the writer and actions done to the writer by others.

I have always had a hard time reading. When I was very young, I was diagnosed with dyslexia. But even with that diagnosis, several of my teachers made me read out loud in class. My fellow students made fun of me because I couldn’t do it. Luckily, my mother complained to the principal, so those teachers stopped harassing me.

—

Revise the actions done to the writer by others so that they’re more active.

—

Brainstorm some steps that you might have been able to take in this situation.

Help! My Essay Isn’t Personal Enough

Have the last few pages made you realize that your essay needs more of you in it? Let’s look at some ways to do that.

Be Specific

The more specific your essay is, the easier it is to reveal your personality. Having trouble expressing how much your relationship with your grandfather means to you? Use one of your most meaningful memories of him and go into depth. Why is this an important memory to you? How did you feel at the time? Then use these specifics to talk about larger themes, like your relationship with your grandfather as a whole.

Use Action Verbs

Compare these two statements:

·  The bus was gone before I came downstairs.

·  I ran down the stairs as fast as I could and burst out the door, skipping breakfast. As I threw down my bag in dismay, I could just see the bus fading into the distance.

Both give us the same information, but the second statement shows us a picture of the author.

Don’t Tell, Show

Always show the action, don’t describe it. For example, I had a hard time after my parent’s divorce does not tell me much about the writer. When my parents got divorced, I thought the world had ended. Where would I live? Who would I live with? If they could stop loving each other, would they stop loving me next? Yes, it’s a bit melodramatic, but in the second case, we can see much more of what the author feels and fears.

Congratulations, you are almost done with the Big Picture! Before you move on, check your essay for each of the Big Picture errors we discussed.

“[I want more than] a list of accomplishments. I want a story.”

—George Mason University

ACTIVITY

A Literal Big Picture

Draw a literal “big picture” for the ideas in your essay. To do so, begin by choosing the most important word from each sentence of your essay. (If you haven’t yet written yours, feel free to refer back to the sample essay on this page.) Write them out.

—

Now, think about what you’re trying to convey with your essay, and, choosing only from the list of key words, make a picture out of them. Find ways to circle or connect words that go together, and make the most important words in that list bigger, while making the least important words smaller. Your final image will show how you’ve associated these ideas and assigned importance to them. Use this “big picture” to make sure that your essay is successfully focused on the same things.

Focusing on the medium picture

In this stage, we are going to focus on the two parts of your essay that can have a very large impact on the quality of your essay: the introduction and the conclusion.

Introductions

Stop what you’re doing. Pay very close attention. Don’t look behind you. There is a monster in the room.

No, just kidding. But that grabbed you, didn’t it? (The text, not the imaginary monster!) This is what a good introduction should do: immediately hook the reader. Basically, after reading the first few sentences, your reader should want to read what comes next. We will look at what makes good and bad introductions, and what you can do to spice up yours.

Conclusions

Good conclusions should leave your readers feeling satisfied and connect the essay to a larger theme. We will look at what makes good and bad conclusions, and what you can do to take yours from bad to good.

Start With a Bang

From Sleepy to Riveting

Having some trouble starting strong? Let’s look back at some of the ideas from Chapter 3 that you can use here to help improve your introduction.

Ask an Unexpected Question

A great way to get your readers interested is to ask a question. Look back at the introduction on the previous page for an example. Remember, this should be a question that makes your reader want to know more about you. Make sure that your question actually intrigues and draws in readers.

In Medias Res

Remember, when you start in the middle of the action, you make it very compelling for a reader to want to know not only how you’ll get out of that situation, but how you got into it.

SAMPLE:

I had been dreading this moment for months. But sitting in this chair, listening to the principal justly rail at me, I find myself more relieved than scared or angry. Six months ago, this all seemed like a great idea. I mean, it all made perfect sense then.

Use a Shocking Statement

A sensational hook is a great way to draw your readers in quickly. Just be careful that your shocking statement isn’t going to offend the reader. For example, it’s very dramatic to announce your decision to become a vegan by saying “I used to be a murderer, but don’t worry, I’m better now,” because you’re implying that anyone who eats meat is a murderer. However, given that one of your readers probably eats meat, it’s probably for the best that you don’t accuse your reader of being a killer. Catch the audience’s attention, but in a way they’ll appreciate!

Does this tactic sound familiar to you? It should. Just as you’re trying to make a sentence jump out of your essay and grab the reader’s attention, so too are you trying to jump out of the pack of other applicants.

Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

Imagine that your reader is only going to read the first few lines of your essay. Don’t waste them on restatements of the topic or by announcing what you’re going to do. This is an all too common mistake! Instead, just jump right in!

Bad: In this essay, I intend to show how important my work at Habitat for Humanity has been for my personal growth.

Good: Out on the unfinished deck we were building for Habitat for Humanity, it felt like it was 120 degrees, and it wasn’t even noon. But even as sweaty and dehydrated as I was, I wouldn’t have traded my hammer for anything in the world.

Bad: Last summer, I worked at the New York Aquarium, and I learned a lot.

Good: Have you ever gotten into a staring contest with a dolphin? Because, let me tell you, over the course of my summer working at the New York Aquarium, I learned that dolphins don’t mess around.

Bad: I have always loved to read, and my books have done a lot to make me who I am.

Good: My parents are very important to me, but they aren’t half as important as my books.

ACTIVITY

Give It A Go

Now you try! Turn these bad introductions into great ones.

· I worked as a golf caddy last summer, and it was very challenging.

· When I was ten, my parents separated. It was hard for me to come to terms with this.

In Conclusion

Leave Them Wanting More

Your conclusion is (obviously) the last part of your personal essay that any admissions people read. Here are some techniques you can use to make sure that you leave them with the best possible impression of you.

Come Full Circle

The conclusion isn’t a separate part of your personal statement. It is the finishing touch. If your earlier paragraphs, particularly the introduction, began with a question, make sure you’ve answered it, and emphasize that here. Did you start in medias res? This is the place to finish that story arc. In short, don’t leave the rest of your essay hanging: refer back to where you started.

Bring Your Story Home

Your essay may travel a lot of ground as it details all the things that you’ve done. Make sure that you end things by clearly connecting all of those dots to your own growth. In the conclusion above, there is opportunity to refer back to the New York Aquarium. For your essay, did you write about your relationship with a favorite relative? Discuss the continuing effect of this relationship on your life. Did you write about the circumstances that led to you skipping school one day? Emphasize how that experience has affected how you act now.

Your conclusion isn’t the place to go off on new tangents or to make new connections. If you have more to say or develop elsewhere, go back to your earlier paragraphs and revise, revise, revise. If it helps, think of this as overtime in a game: you’re going to use the skills you’ve already been showcasing to score one last point to put you over the top.

Humor

A punch line is a good way to end a joke: it wraps up everything that’s preceded it. But ending an essay with a joke risks trivializing all the earnest writing you’ve done to that point. If you do use humor, tread lightly, using it to lighten the mood or show another side of yourself, but without overpowering the importance of what you’ve shared thus far.

You know the saying, “You only get one chance to make a first impression”? Don’t use your conclusion to fix a flawed portrayal—you have time to go back and improve the rest of the essay. Think of it as your last chance to emphasize what you want admissions officers to know.

In Conclusion, My Conclusion

Let’s look at some common mistakes to avoid in your conclusion.

Concluding Words

In conclusion, do not start your conclusion with In conclusion, In summation, I would like to close by saying, Finally, or any other version of this. Would you start your essay with In this introduction?

Epic Fail

Don’t oversell the importance of a story you’re sharing. If you feel the need to tell readers that your conclusion has changed their world forever, and there is no going back, it’s probably not true. Keep the focus on how you were changed, and recognize how that relates to the world around you. Should you crave hyperbole, this is where a more openly humorous approach might help: just make sure it remains clear to the reader what you’re being serious about.

Happily Never After

Once you have applied the lessons in this chapter to your conclusion, your essay will be perfect, you’ll get into your dream school, and you’ll become a billionaire before graduation day. This is, of course, ridiculous.

You should be wary of an essay that wraps up too neatly. While you want to show your readers how you have grown, you should be showing them that you are continuing to grow and that there are still things that you need to work on.

Repetitiveness

Your introduction is a starting point, but it shouldn’t just be repeated throughout the rest of the essay. You’re using this introduction to begin your essay, not to reiterate other parts of your essay. Make sure the introduction isn’t just rephrasing the overall essay.

Did that feel a little…repetitive to you? There’s a big difference between being intentionally emphatic and accidentally repeating things. Every sentence should serve a purpose, so if your introduction is just summarizing what the rest of the essay will accomplish, try changing the tone or style so that it hooks the reader.

Make sure to look for these errors in your own introduction and conclusion.

Focusing on the small picture

Editing your essay is like taking apart a Russian nesting doll. Once you’ve unpacked the Big and Medium Picture, you can address the smallest doll: the refining edits. From spelling and grammar to wordiness and repetition, now’s your chance to address your essay at the most granular level.

Spell-check is where editing begins, not where it ends.

Check Your Grammar

Look at the following sentences and see if you can figure out what they have in common. (Hint: if you have access to word processing software, try retyping these there).

Every year, my town holds an annual Thanksgiving parade.

That being as it may be, I fully support the great efforts made by my close friends at the world’s best restaurant, the inimitable McDonalds in lovely downtown Port Chester.

That is the veracity of the situation.

Decked out in red velvet wallpaper, I entered the dim restaurant.

The faculty at my school treated their new principal with disdain.

In all likelihood, spell check didn’t flag any errors in these sentences. They might even have sounded good to you. But keep reading, because in the next section, we’ll identify the error of grammar or style lurking within each one.

“We can let one or two minor grammatical mistakes slide, but beyond that it becomes hard to justify.”

—College of the Atlantic

Redundancies

Every year, my town holds an annual Thanksgiving parade.

How often do annual events happen? Every year. That makes this sentence redundant. A better version would be:

My town holds an annual Thanksgiving parade.

-or-

Every year, my town holds a Thanksgiving parade.

Repetition is also something you want to look out for at the Medium Picture level, where it takes the form of similar ideas. At the Small Picture level, repetition occurs with individual words in a sentence or a recurring word in a paragraph. Try to mix things up to show your range and be especially wary of repetition in the conclusion.

Most application essays have both a minimum and a maximum word count. Don’t feel the need to add more words just to add more words. Every word should count.

Wordiness

That being as it may be, I fully support the great efforts made by my close friends at the world’s best restaurant, the inimitable McDonald’s in lovely downtown Port Chester.

There’s a big difference between sounding smart and being smart. For all the words used in the sample sentence—30 of them!—the topic being conveyed is just 7 words long. Even with a maximum of 650 words, that only leaves room for about twenty of these heavy sentences. This reduces the opportunity for you to say anything meaningful.

I like the McDonald’s in Port Chester.

Check how many of the words in your sentences have something else describing them. This kind of writing generates a lot of words and very little information, which is exactly what college admissions officers hate most. Eliminate as much of this fluff as possible from your essay.

Word Choice

That is the veracity of the situation.

What does veracity mean? If you looked it up, you would find something like “truth.” If you wrote that is the truth of the situation, the sentence is grammatically correct. But veracity and truth do not have the exact same meaning, and in context, veracity makes no sense here. (It’s also wordy!) If you use the thesaurus, make sure that you actually know what the word you selected means.

That’s the truth!

College admissions officers can tell when a writer has used a thesaurus. That sense can take them right out of the essay, as they start thinking about why you chose certain words as opposed to thinking about what those words say about you.

Modifiers

Decked out in red velvet wallpaper, I entered the dim restaurant.

As far as formal English grammar goes, the first noun following an introductory phrase like decked out in red velvet wallpaper is what that phrase modifies. So, as this sentence is written, I am wearing red velvet wallpaper. But logically we know that it is the restaurant that is decked out.

I entered the dim restaurant, which was decked out in red velvet wallpaper.

This is the correct version of the sentence. Not all introductory modifying phrases modify the wrong thing, but take a closer look at any in your own essay.

Pronouns

The faculty at my school treated their new principal with disdain.

In general, pronouns should agree with their antecedent—that is, the thing they’re referring to—and so the word faculty should take the singular pronoun.

The faculty at my school treated its new principle with disdain.

If such rewrites sound off or inefficient to you, or you’re not sure which pronoun to use, try rephrasing the sentence:

The teachers at my school treated their new principal with disdain.

Sentence Structure

There’s one other common mistake to be on the lookout for, and this one can be harder to spot because it’s not found in a single sentence. Take a look at the following sentences:

I went to the store. I went home after that.

I went to sleep about an hour later.

Do you notice that all three sentences are basically the same thing? Each one is just I went ______. That kind of writing is most useful as a sleep aid for insomniacs. Let’s look at a better version.

After I went to the store, I drove home. It was about an hour after that before I went to sleep.

When trying to vary your sentence structure, try changing up the verbs and combining sentences. Another big mistake that people make is writing sentences that are too convoluted (think the wordiness sentence). Always be direct and clear.

More Grammar

Be aware that specific grammar guidelines can vary from school to school, with some being VERY formal in their interpretation of English grammar. As in, some of them still don’t believe in starting a sentence with a conjunction. But in general, follow the basic style guidelines of an organization like the Modern Language Association (MLA) or a book like The Chicago Manual of Style, and you will be fine.

Check out the grammar appendix on this page for even more common grammar errors to keep an eye out for.

ACTIVITY

Grammar Drill

Can you spot any errors in these sentences? Not all sentences contain errors.

1.Swinging from branch to branch, the banana was picked up by the chimpanzee.

How would you fix it?

2.Everyone who knows my friends have heard the story about the lobster.

How would you fix it?

3.The teachers at my new school have had a positive effect on my understanding of the material.

How would you fix it?

4.Joe buys clothes at Walmart because their prices are better than Target.

How would you fix it?

5.Although my corgi is very smart, he has trouble understanding Calculus.

How would you fix it?

6.In my own personal opinion, the college admissions process is really way too time consuming and has a ridiculous number of steps that need to be completed.

How would you fix it?

7.In math class, I continually find myself disinterested; my teacher is just so boring.

How would you fix it?

Turn to this page for the answers.

ACTIVITY

Try, Try Again

Don’t be afraid to start over. If you have worked through several drafts, but your essay is not improving, go back and try again. Don’t think of this as wasting time! You’re learning what not to do and how to strengthen your writing skills at the same time. More importantly, by shifting gears, you’re actually wasting less time than you would if you kept trying to fit this square essay into a round submission.

Here’s a test to figure out if you’re headed in the wrong direction:

Write your main idea. Put the number of minutes it took you to state your main idea in a box next to it.

Write what you accomplished in your most recent draft. Put the number of drafts you’ve done so far in a box next to it.

Pick one sentence at random from each of your paragraphs. Write one of them below. Count the total number of extraneous words and put them in a box next to it.

How many jokes did you use? How many still make you laugh? Put the difference between them in a box next to it.

List the positive and unique things you wrote about yourself in the personal statement. Subtract this from the total number of paragraphs in your essay and write it in a box next to it.

Ask each of the people who read your essay to tell you what it was about. Start with 5, and subtract 1 from that number each time a person accurately and positively describes your essay. Write the total in a box next to it.

Scoring: If you got between 0—5 points, your essay is in good shape! Stop doubting yourself.

If you scored between 6—11 points, your essay may need some revision.

If you scored 12 points or higher, take a step back and assess whether you know how to move forward. If not, look back to the brainstorming you did, and pick a new topic.

Answers to Grammar Drill (this page)

1. Swinging from branch to branch, the chimpanzee picked up the banana.

2. Everyone who knows my friends has heard the story about the lobster.

3. No change! Make sure you know the difference between “affect” and “effect”!

4. Joe buys clothes at Walmart because their prices are better than Target’s.

5. No change is necessary!

6. The college admissions process is too time consuming and has too many steps.

7. In math class, I continually find myself uninterested; my teacher is just so boring.

End of chapter review

Let’s review the most important takeaways from this chapter.

You need outside editors.

List the people you plan on asking to read your essay and what each one brings to the table that’s different than what the others offer.

You need to go through several drafts.

We spoke about the different “Big Picture” levels of your essay. List the ones you plan on using, and what you plan to focus on in each.

Do you think you are done?

If you answered “no,” put it aside for a day or two and come back to it. If you answered “yes,” put your essay aside for one week, and then edit it one last time.