College essays that made a difference - Princeton Review 2010
Anonymous
The applicants
The applicant was a letterman in soccer and earned the rank of Eagle Scout while in high school. He also volunteered regularly at a local food bank and was a bowling enthusiast. He worked a variety of minimum-wage jobs, including: cooking at a small bar and grill, working as a cashier at Arby’s, and working in retail sales at an Abercrombie and Fitch clothing store.
Stats
SAT: 1530 (730 Critical Reading, 800 Math)
SAT Subject Test(s): 800 Math Level 1, 800 Math Level 2, 720 Biology, 770 Chemistry
High School GPA: 4.00
High School: Porter-Gaud School, Charleston, SC
Hometown: Charleston, SC
Gender: Male
Race: Caucasian
Applied To
Clemson University
Davidson College
Duke University
Princeton University
Essay
The applicant used the following essay in his application to Duke. He chose the most open-ended essay option.
We had hiked for over five miles and were getting close to our campsite when it began to rain. The younger Boy Scouts had packed too much gear and were getting very tired. We needed to get to our campsite before dusk, so we could not afford to slow down. After I draped my poncho over my backpack so that my tent and sleeping bag would stay dry, I helped the new scouts cover their backpacks and offered to help carry some of their excess gear. After I had taken some of the weight off two scouts’ backs, we continued the trek, looking forward to a break at the end of our hike and hoping that the rain would stop. Once we had reached our campsite and set up camp, we were able to find enough wood to have a small campfire before we retired for the night. My membership in the Boy Scouts has been full of similar challenging and rewarding experiences.
I started out as a Cub Scout at age seven, following in the footsteps of my father who had been an Eagle Scout and wanted me to join the scouting organization as soon as I could. The Boy Scouts of America is an institution that promotes trustworthiness, loyalty, reverence, service, and spirit. I was attracted to this organization immediately, and I am still active in the scouting program to this day.
The goal that I set for myself when I joined the Boy Scouts was the same as the hope that my parents had for me: to earn the rank of Eagle Scout. Throughout my climb through the ranks of scouting, I had to “live” the Scout Law in my activities and service. I had to prove my trustworthiness and determination as well as my eagerness to help others. I went on many camping trips with my troop where I learned various skills to complete merit badges. As I began to prove myself, I became a leader in the troop. As a patrol leader, I had to help plan camping trips and determine what supplies would be needed. I had to set an example for the younger scouts in my troop as well.
As I grew older, I began to widen my participation with the Boy Scouts. I took part in Eagle Scout service projects as well as other service opportunities such as food drives and working in a soup kitchen. I have continued my community service with the scouts and outside of scouting through my entire high school life. Finally, after going on many hikes and earning over 21 merit badges, I was ready to become an Eagle Scout. All that was left was my Eagle Scout service project. After much thought, I decided to build eight benches near an outside basketball court at my school. I had to plan the dates of the project, get the materials, make a design for the benches, and get other Boy Scouts to help me in the undertaking of this project.
My Eagle Scout project was the most important part of my life in scouting. It allowed me to prove my skills as a planner, an organizer, and a leader. After the project had been planned and organized, I continued by buying the materials that we would need and planning the dates that the project would take place. The younger scouts volunteered to help me with my project, and when the time came to begin, I delegated the individual jobs to my fellow Boy Scouts. We built the benches during the summer before my ninth grade year and secured them in poured concrete the following fall. The project was completed without a hitch, and I am proud of that accomplishment, especially when I see students using the benches.
Throughout my years as a Boy Scout, I came to understand and love the ideals that the scouting organization stresses. The environment that this organization provides gives me a wonderful feeling. I can be around honest, kind people who respect each other and who are energetic and involved. For these reasons, I have continued in the Boy Scouts and I have actually expanded my participation. While in the eleventh grade, I was elected President of the Venturer Scouts, a branch of scouting for older Boy Scouts. I have continued to work on extra merit badges to earn palm awards to add to my Eagle Award. Recently, I was elected as my troop’s Junior Assistant Scout Master. Having this position allows me to help the adult leaders of my troop to plan events, meetings, and campouts.
For as long as I can remember, my parents have taught me how to distinguish right from wrong. They taught me how to have good morals and a high ethical standard. I learned from them the great feeling that comes from helping others in need. My parents always urged me to complete any challenge I had accepted. Since I had this wonderful foundation of love, morals, service, and determination, the Boy Scouts of America was perfect for me.
One of the rewards of staying in the Boy Scouts is seeing younger scouts advance in the program. As an Eagle Scout, I enjoy helping the younger scouts complete requirements for higher ranks and merit badges. I know how demanding the trail to the Eagle Scout Award is, so I am always happy to help potential Eagle Scouts strive to achieve their personal goals. My future goal is to continue to be involved in my community as a volunteer and a leader.
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ANONYMOUS 2
The applicant was an all-county cross-country runner and captain of his high school’s cross-country and track teams. He was involved in school plays, both as an actor and as a stage manager, and won school-issued awards in fine arts. He was captain of his school’s Quiz Bowl team and the president of the National Honor Society. The student government’s liaison to the Secaucus Board of Education, the applicant attended Jersey Boys State—a hands-on program imparting the rights and responsibilities of citizenship, and earned the Eagle Scout award.
Stats
SAT: 1600
SAT Subject Test(s): 780 Math Level 2, 690 World History, 610 Physics
High School GPA: 4.34 weighted
High School: Secaucus High School, Secaucus, NJ
Hometown: Secaucus, NJ
Gender: Male
Race: Asian American
Applied To
The College of New Jersey
Dartmouth College
Harvard College (early action)
Princeton University
Yale University
Essay 1
The applicant used the following essay in his applications to Dartmouth and Princeton. The prompt, from the Princeton application, requested a “conversational” response.
One of the highest compliments that can be paid someone is that he or she has “good character.” What’s your idea of what “good character” is? Give examples if you like.
This past summer, I considered getting a tattoo. A simple, Oriental kanji character which, loosely translated, means “true to oneself.” Ultimately, I didn’t get the tattoo because I decided that I didn’t need an ink-drawn symbol on my arm to show the world that I am true to myself. Honesty and integrity is the highest measure of character in a person. For example, it can be said in one breath that a bristled veteran of reconnaissance missions who risked his life for his country has “good character,” and that an ardent supporter of humanitarian efforts and global pacifism has “good character.” Both the militant activist and the anti-war pacifist display “good character” because they are loyal to themselves and their own beliefs. Each follows his own moral compass and then guides himself to help others in the manner that he feels is noble and just. Once you are honest with yourself, you have the ethical standards to be compassionate with others, determined to reach your goals, and virtuous in the pursuit of your ambitions.
Essay 2
The applicant used the following essay in his applications to Dartmouth and Princeton. The prompt, from the Princeton application, requested a “conversational” response.
If you were given the time and resources to develop one particular skill, talent, or area of expertise, what would you choose and why?
An awe-inspired fan once told a famous master of the flamenco style, “I would give my life to play as well as you do.” The guitarist responded, “I already did.” To me, music is the language of the mind, and the melodious arpeggio of a burnished walnut instrument speaks what cannot be written in words. I would love to be able to speak through the strings of a guitar, be able to combine my thoughts into a symphony of metal, wood, and broken air. I can play the guitar, at an elementary level, but I have not reached that plateau where I can truly play with feeling. It is the emotion behind the instrument that transforms it into an artistic creation, an extension of a tuned ear, a tapping foot, and a trained hand. If I could give my life, as that musician did, to practice and study the guitar, I would.
Essay 3
The applicant used the following essay in his applications to Dartmouth and Princeton. The prompt, from the Princeton application, requested a “conversational” response.
What one person, class, book, or experience would you point to as having had a significant effect on the way you think about something? Explain.
“Dream as though you’ll live forever but live each day as though you’ll die tomorrow.” That statement is more than a quote I put in my online profile. The words of the late Jimmy Dean are the motto by which I live. My Father’s passing is an experience that is very hard for me to discuss, but I can say that this was the single most important event in my life. It was a coming-of-age, as I changed from the sixth grade boy who felt like he was on top of the world to the seventh grade teenager who suddenly saw everything in better perspective. I changed from the exuberant playground football player who dove for extra yardage on each play to the reserved student who put in an extra effort into schoolwork. From his memory, I realize that too often dreams are lost and regrets are made in life, only when it is too late. As a result, I have become inspired to put my best effort into everything that I do, because sometimes there’s only one chance.
Essay 4
The applicant used the following essay in his applications to Dartmouth and Princeton. The prompt, from the Princeton application, requested a “conversational” response.
Those of us in admissions are often asked what are the two or three things in a student’s application to which we give the greatest weight. If you were in our shoes, what are the two or three things in an application to which you would give the greatest weight? Explain why.
A college is primarily an institution of learning, and the highest importance in college admissions should be placed on the curriculum a student has selected for himself and the grades received in those courses. The curriculum includes the breadth of courses selected, as well as the extracurricular and co-curricular activities in which the student has participated. A college is also a place for the growth and development of one’s character, and the character that one has already developed should be influential in the admissions process, determination can be shown in the course selection, drive from involvement in extracurricular activities, enthusiasm in the recommendations, and energy in the essay. The final question should be a sum of these qualities. The admissions staff may ask, for example, “Is this applicant an amicable and intellectually curious person that I would not mind having as a roommate?” or “does this applicant enjoy learning for the sake of learning, and would this applicant be an asset to the classroom?” If these questions, along with the rest of the application, are able to elicit a positive response, than the admissions staff should place that application in the “admit” file and look forward to seeing that applicant during orientation week.
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ANONYMOUS 3
The applicant earned the Girl Scout Gold Award and graduated with honors from high school.
Stats
SAT: 1440 (800 Critical Reading, 640 Math)
ACT: 30
High School GPA: 3.70
High School: Henry M. Gunn High School, Palo Alto, CA
Hometown: Palo Alto, CA
Gender: Female
Race: Caucasian
Applied To
Lewis and Clark College
Kenyon College
Knox College
Oberlin College
Occidental College
Pomona College
University of Puget Sound
Whitman College
Essay
The applicant used the following essay in each of her applications.
Common Application: Topic of Your Choice.
I needed to come out of the closet—literally. When I was eight years old, I hid in my grandmother’s closet because I was too shy to face the guests who were visiting. I feared the cheek pinching and I feared having to talk to them. I emerged from the closet (at least it was a walk-in), but only after everyone had arrived and I could be more unobtrusive.
Yes, I was shy. I was very shy, for as far back as I can remember. I only spoke when I was spoken to. I hardly ever started conversations with nice kids or stood up to that frightening stock character, the school bully. I had a hard time meeting people with whom I would want to be friends. I joined activities, which everyone says is a great way to meet like-minded people, but a kid as shy as I was could fade into the background, unnoticed. Up until about eighth grade, I was either unknown, or “the shy girl.” No one saw me as me: A sweet kid who despite being shy didn’t have stage fright and loved singing and acting. A kid who loved animals and was a little obsessed with “saving the Earth”, who was intrigued by Ancient Egypt and drew cartoons of dinosaurs that reviewed movies. I wanted people to see beyond “the quiet girl,” and they didn’t see me at all. I was angry, and I was tired. Being shy actually takes effort and is exhausting, both physically and mentally. I was sick of it.
When I entered high school, I finally thought, “I’ll show them! I’ll work on becoming more outgoing. Maybe I can make more friends and fit in better.” That was all I wanted. Every day I gave myself a pep talk: “Say ’hi’; be friendly.” Around school, I tried my new attitude. I smiled at people, cheerfully said “hi,” and attempted to start conversations. Being friendly wasn’t always easy, and it could sometimes be frightening, but I kept trying because I knew my life could be the better for it.
My behavior did change, but not all of a sudden. It happened so slowly that I can’t believe I was overcoming my shyness. But, looking at myself now compared to ten or even one year ago, I realize how incredibly far I’ve come.
At the end of my sophomore year, I was at my first meeting with my new Girl Scout troop. We went to hear a speaker who would teach us “how to follow our dreams.” We sat down in the audience full of Girl Scouts from our town. I felt a little uneasy with my new troop because before this evening, I had never met most of them. The speaker began, trying to energize the crowd.
“Any sixth graders?” She asked.
A rousing cheer from the sixth graders.
“Any seventh graders?”
A roar of kids.
“Any eighth graders?”
They yelled and clapped spiritedly.
“Any ninth graders, freshmen?”
My troop clapped halfheartedly; too “cool” to scream like the younger kids. We were the only high school troop in Palo Alto, and I was the only sophomore. At that moment, I realized the speaker wasn’t going to say “sophomores.” Just as the speaker was about to move on, I stood up from my chair and yelled, “TENTH GRADE! SOPHOMORES!” Would anyone else join in, showing some solidarity even if they weren’t sophomores? I knew from the moment I stood up that no one would. People looked at me as if I was crazy, but as I sat down, a smile grew on my face.
I remember this event because it was a major breakthrough in conquering shyness. I’ve had many other “non-shy” moments since then and will definitely have more in the future. After a few months with my new troop, one of the girls told me, “You fit in really well because you’re so outgoing.” Me, outgoing? That word surprised me, but the words I liked even more were “fit in.”
I’ll admit that being constantly outgoing isn’t who I am, and I can’t and won’t change that. Sometimes I just want to be by myself, and there are some instances when I still don’t feel like being friendly. I’ll never be loud or boisterous or a show-off, which is fine with me. Who I was never changed. The difference is that now I can show something more genuine to the world, because shyness no longer controls me. My personality and spirit won’t fit inside the confines of shyness. Nor will they fit inside a closet. No matter what happens in my life, I’m never going back in there.
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ANONYMOUS 4
The applicant created autonomous robots and was actively involved in a computer science program in which he won the U.S.A. Computing Olympiad’s Junior First Prize. He also worked to develop and implement a pilot project to teach Visual Basic to at-risk kids. In addition, he volunteered at engineering camps for children, owned his own computer business, played varsity rugby, and taught downhill skiing.
Stats
SAT: 1470 (680 Critical Reading, 790 Math)
SAT Subject Test(s): 800 Math Level 2, 690 Physics
High School GPA: 94.8 (out of 100)
High School: Woburn Collegiate Institute, Scarborough, Ontario, Canada
Hometown: Scarborough, Ontario, Canada
Gender: Male
Race: Asian Canadian
Applied To
Brown University
Columbia University
Cornell University
Dartmouth College
Harvard College
Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Princeton University
Stanford University
University of Pennsylvania
Yale University
Essay
The applicant used the following essay in each of his applications.
Write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world—the people in it, events great and small, everyday life—or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well.
Childhood Dreams
When I was a little boy, I really wanted to be a professional baseball player. Who didn’t? In the glory days of the Toronto Blue Jays, life revolved around baseball for us 7 year olds. Everyone knew Roberto Alomar had 53 steals and Joe Carter had 33 home runs. I dreamed of being at bat on the 7th game of the World Series, in the bottom of the 9th inning with the bases loaded and 2 outs. I dreamed of the millions of dollars I would make playing a game I loved. Then, the baseball players went on strike, and the baseball craze died. So, I decided that I would become the next best thing — a rocket scientist. Of course, I had no clue as to what this entailed, but my interest in screw drivers, vacuum cleaners and lawn mowers was enough to have me convinced that I was destined for that career.
Ever since I started to walk, I loved everything that moved or made sounds. For that matter, I loved everything that helped build or fix anything that moved or made sounds. This was an early indicator of things to come, but my dream became closer to reality with the European godsend: Lego. Year after year I would write letters to Santa for the newest and greatest Lego kits. And year after year I would sit down and spend hours on end assembling and disassembling my prototype spaceships. My love for Lego eventually developed into a love for robotics. It started in the beginning of the seventh grade. I picked up a book at the local bookstore that had an interesting looking cover. Little did I know that this would spark the beginning of a six year quest. The book described how to build a simple robot out of cheap Radio Shack parts. Eager to move on from the realm of Lego, I dragged my dad out to five different Radio Shack stores to buy all of the required components. I struggled with building the robot for a few weeks on my own, as no one in my family had the experience to help me. Finally, after I had my first functional prototype, I realized that I had found a genuine interest in building things that moved and acted independently. Having the robot avoid crashing and emulate humanlike behavior were two basic things I worked on. After two years and many different iterations and ideas, I deemed my project complete and submitted it for review in our City’s science and technology fair. The judges were impressed with the simple collision avoidance and behavioral functions I had built into the robot — it won the Institution of Mechanical Engineers’ Engineering Excellence award. This was the first major accomplishment towards my rocket science/engineering goal.
Throughout high school I continued to experiment with different aspects of robotics. I joined my school’s FIRST Robotics team, and have been a key contributing member in the development of our team’s robot. My continued interest in small robots has led to my current senior year Computer Science project on autonomous robots. For my school project I hope to enter the Trinity College Fire-Fighting Home Robot Competition in Hartford with a good chance of success having built in all of the optional robot features. This ongoing project is proving to be a complicated test of both my knowledge of hardware and my programming skills. Operating quite nicely in parallel with my school project is my developing mentorship with the University of Toronto Institute for Aerospace Studies studying robotics for space exploration. At the Institute, I will be exposed to more current approaches that are used to tackle large scale robotics problems. I will work with other graduate students developing things like cellular automata and neural networks that will eventually be implemented on the Institute’s robots. It will be a very exciting and valuable experience to be able to work with some of the most technologically advanced equipment with the country’s brightest researchers.
It may not exactly be rocket science just yet, but robotics has played a large role in my intellectual development. It has showed me just how virtuous patience really is through solving problems systematically and logically. It has provided me with a vehicle to apply and enrich my abilities in creativity, maths, and sciences; robotics has become one of my passions. I may not have built a Mars Rover (yet), but the realization of this dream is something I will definitely pursue further in college.
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ANONYMOUS 5
In high school, this applicant was the Editor-In-Chief of her school newspaper, captain of the Speech and Debate Team, a member of the National Honor Society, treasurer of the Marching Band, a class representative to the Student Council, and volunteered on a regular basis in the local community.
Stats
SAT: 2200 (690 Critical Reading, 750 Math, Writing 760)
High School GPA: 3.6
High School: Acton-Boxborough Regional High School, Acton, MA
Hometown: Acton, MA
Gender: Female
Race: Asian American
Applied To
Boston College
Boston University
Brandeis University
Dickinson College
George Washington University
Georgetown University
Hamilton College
Johns Hopkins University
Tufts University
University of Massachusetts—Amherst
Wellesley College
Essay
This applicant submitted the following essay to the schools listed above.
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Tighter Abs in Eight Days with Windsor Pilates!
I represent a minority that has been persecuted by society for ages. I am one of the few individuals who actually like watching infomercials. Although most people believe infomercials are merely a waste of airtime for junk nobody ever buys, I am entranced by knives that can cut through bricks with one fair swipe and fascinated by cleaners that can clean red wine from carpet with merely one squirt! Since I began eating solid food, I have refused to consume anything without the accompaniment of a sales pitch in the background.
My unique affinity for commercials became more than admiration one Saturday morning. A carefully staged ambush during my father’s croissant and orange juice allowed me to gain control of the television remote. Before long, an advertisement for a Shark vacuum that could swallow a cluster of nails in one gulp caught my eye. I was at the edge of my seat, spellbound by the vacuum’s ability; meanwhile, my father sat comfortably on the sofa and, as expected, harshly discredited the vacuum’s accomplishments. To my surprise, my unusually stubborn father dialed the toll free number and ordered the product. Instead of viewing my father as a hypocrite for succumbing to the infomercial, I desperately wished to hold the power that could influence strong-willed people like my father. It was my desire to learn this art of persuasion that drove me into the world of Speech and Debate. I knew the team would introduce me to new ideas, but I never expected it to take me to America’s cheese capital: Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
It was another early Saturday morning. Standing in front of thirty fierce competitors in my three-inch Steve Madden pumps this past May, it required all of my brainpower to hide the anxiety that their presence produced. Although armed with my yellow legal pad full of intelligent comments, I fumbled over simple words and could not share my thoughts about social security with my fellow mock Senators. I mentally punished myself for my performance, and I was determined for another show to redeem my reputation and pride. When the opportunity for my second attempt came, I buttoned up my crisp, charcoal blazer and smoothed out the wrinkles in my knee-length skirt. This time the room was different. My peers simply melted away when I gave my opinions about the genocide occurring in Sudan. Finally, the butterflies ceased to flutter in my stomach. I felt the control and power of my words. The poise and confidence of the outspoken advertisers that I had seen so many times appeared. I realized that I could only persuade the three judges and the students ranking me when I believed what I had to say. All I had to do was believe in myself. When I was certain of what I had to sell, the points I addressed smoothly connected themselves into a coherent argument without a struggle. With my jet-black hair pulled back into a ponytail, I couldn’t help but smile.
After countless Saturday speeches, I have moved closer to my childhood dream of being compelling and articulate. I had anticipated that Speech and Debate would teach me the skills I needed to become an effective public speaker. Instead, I have discovered that the very talents that I yearn for are already within myself. With my skills, I have convinced unwilling neighbors to buy poinsettias, cheesecakes, and even video rental coupons. However, I have yet to master the skill to persuade my resilient father to visit the Boston Museum of Fine Arts or to switch out of dial-up Internet. Until then, I will continue to watch and learn exactly how Daisy Fuentes urges viewers that Windsor Pilates tapes are part of the equation to achieving tighter abs.
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