How to write a winning scholarship essay - Gen Tanabe, Kelly Tanabe 2018

Complex problem, simple solution
12 essays that bombed

Some scholarship essays are about an issue of national or international importance. Scholarship committees often choose topics that ask difficult questions regarding complex issues so that they can discover what is important to you. The judges want to weigh your thoughts and to check your understanding of complicated interests and viewpoints. It would seem fairly obvious that the biggest mistake in writing this type of essay is to know nothing about the problem or to present a wholly unrealistic solution. Observe.

Nuclear Nightmare

Imagine a nuclear nightmare. Bombs exploding. Millions of people vapor-ized. Entire cities destroyed. This is the reality we face even after the Cold War has been won.

The major problem is that nuclear weapons are all around us. Nearly every country has them even if they don’t openly admit it. Worse yet is the fact that anyone can easily build a bomb from plans posted on various Internet websites. All you need is a small quantity of uranium which is supposedly easily available at many hospitals and pharmacies.

The danger posed by nuclear weapons is all too real and something must be done to combat this threat to the world. I propose the following solution.

First, we must collect and destroy all nuclear weapons and sources of radiation. We need someone like the UN to collect all of the missiles and bombs and destroy them once and for all.

Then, we must erase all knowledge about building nuclear bombs. Since man cannot be trusted with this knowledge we need to destroy all plans and instructions on building bombs. While science is important this is one area of knowledge that it can do without. Once all plans and documents relating to nuclear bombs are destroyed it will take centuries for man to relearn how to build them.

These two simple but decisive steps could rid the world of the threat of nuclear destruction. Once and for all we could all sleep at night without the fear of a nuclear nightmare.

why this essay bombed

The problem with this essay is that the writer clearly does not have any knowledge about nuclear proliferation. Not only do some of the facts cited seem to have come from urban legends but there is no mention of the international aspect or diplomatic dimension of the issue. The second weak point of the essay is the solution—it is entirely unrealistic.

How do we go about collecting weapons? Is it even possible to remove knowledge once it is known? The writer assumes these are easy solutions when in fact they are extremely difficult, if not impossible.

How to avoid this mistake

Don’t write about an issue without understanding it. You don’t have to be an expert, but you should read about it and even discuss it with some teachers or professors. By speaking about the issues with others, you will gain a better understanding of a problem and this will also help you to generate innovative solutions. Your suggestions do not have to be easy or even doable, but they do need to show some thought and understanding of the difficulty involved in solving any large national or international problem.

If possible, draw a connection between the issue and your own life.

Have you taken action even on a personal level? Remember that the scholarship judges don’t want a lecture on the issue as much as they want to learn about you and your ability to analyze a complex problem.