Writing Smart, 3rd edition - Princeton Review 2018

Personal essays

The art of the personal essay

A college or graduate school may ask you to write a personal essay to find out more about who you are and how you think. The essay might ask one of those horrifyingly vague questions like, “Tell us more about yourself in the space provided,” or, “Describe an experience that has shaped you.” Although writing a personal essay can seem challenging or intimidating, the great thing about them is that they give you the opportunity to write about something that you know a lot about: yourself. The truth is most people take a healthy interest in what they do; otherwise, why would they do it? And generally, people write best when they are discussing something that interests them.

Format

The general structure of a personal essay will vary slightly with its proposed length, but will follow this basic form: introduction, three examples, conclusion.

· Introduction: Your introduction will state the point you wish to make and set up the way you will make your point. This means that before you start writing your introduction, you must know what you intend to say.

· Examples: Each of these should be a separate paragraph and provide clear tangible evidence to support your introductory claim. For instance, if you start out saying, “I realized in the middle of last summer that I enjoy fishing,” your examples must demonstrate this with some clarity: “In July I went to visit my mother in Alaska where we fished for halibut in the inland waterway.” Also remember that you can have a strong point of view in a personal essay. If you enjoy fishing and believe this says something about you, don’t be afraid to express your enjoyment through description. “The salt smell and the stillness of the water thrilled us, and as the day wore on we were astonished to see whales surfacing and eagles skimming the waves, all before I felt the first exciting tug on my line.” Your examples can bring up subtleties of the main point you posited in your introduction. They should fill in the main point as though the main point were an outline in a coloring book and the examples were the crayons used to color it in and make it vibrant and exciting for the viewer.

· Conclusion: The conclusion should basically restate, in different words, the main point you presented in the introduction. You may also use this last paragraph to tie in the examples you used through the middle of your essay. Because of this, your conclusion will usually resonate more than your introduction. If the introduction is the outline and the examples color it in, the conclusion gives your work of art its title, taking into account both its shape and its color.

Writing the personal essay: Nick

Step 1: Focus on what you want to say

“A writer should concern himself with whatever absorbs his fancy, stirs his heart, and unlimbers his typewriter.”

—E. B. White

One of the most challenging aspects of a personal essay is its tight limitation on space; therefore, a focused thesis is key. This thesis should present you to your advantage. Applying to school is competitive, and you are responsible for the image you present. Your job is to enlighten the admissions committee about your wonderful qualities. No one else will do this for you. Since most personal essay questions are generalized and free-form, you may want to jot down a few things that are important to you and stew over them for a bit. Think about what you want to present to the admissions committee as your most winning character trait.

Nick is applying to a highly competitive university. Here is the essay prompt on the application.

Please write an essay (250—500 words) about something of direct personal importance to you. Use this opportunity to give us a clearer sense of you as an individual.

Daunting enough? We think so.

Nick considers what he would like to say. He has moved around with his family because his father is in the Air Force, and they have transferred many times to and from bases, but he does not want to write about his rootlessness. He wonders, what has been occupying his mind when he spaces out in American history class? His favorite thing to do is to sit in his room and listen to music and space out. He thinks of unusual music from Yemen that he listened to recently—it inspired and shocked him. Why did it do that?

Step 2: Write down your main point

Writing down your main point does not necessarily mean that you will use the resulting sentence in your essay, only that this sentence will exist to focus you on the point you are trying to get across. Once you have your focus, every sentence in your essay will serve to sharpen that focus.

Nick writes, “When I listened to that unfamiliar Yemeni music, I realized that people live and grow up anywhere in the world and that seems natural to them, just like my life seems natural to me. I think it’s strange to live there, and they probably think it’s strange to live in the U.S.” He decides that writing about the way the music makes him feel, rather than the music itself, will be more helpful because he knows more about that, and it will show more about him.

Step 3: Write the rough draft

Once you have your main point, you know what your first paragraph will cover: an introduction of that main point. This can be done in a creative manner, and it should be told as a story when possible. Most people are interested in stories. The personal essay allows you to stray from the form of the academic paper; it allows you to express yourself with vibrancy, wit, and a more casual and narrative form than most other types of writing. The paragraphs following that first one amplify your main point and give clear examples. The conclusion restates the main point. Since you are writing a rough draft here, allow yourself to go over the recommended page limit if you feel like it. You can cut later; now is the time to get as much raw material on paper as you can. Experiment, gush, go on and on about your dog Charlie or whatever strikes your fancy. You can reorganize and refine later.

Step 4: Edit the rough draft

Now that you have gotten it all down on paper, it is time to edit. Take a look at the following drill.

Editing Drill 1

Edit the following essay, focusing on making it clearer and more concise. Look for any awkward sentences, and note ways that Nick might be able to interest his readers. Also make sure that the main point is evident and supported throughout the piece. When you are done editing, look at our version on this page.

One day this past November, when I came home from school, I was exhausted and dispirited. I thought of all the homework I had to do and the chores I had to finish. I remembered that it was only going to get colder and rainier. I had taken some music recordings out from the library for an assignment for my music appreciation class, and I decided that this assignment would be the easiest to begin. My teacher wanted us to select music of a culture we knew nothing about and to listen to it. I had chosen music from Yemen.

I lay down on my bed and turned on the music and shut my eyes. It is not that I have never listened to music before; I listen to it as much as anyone my age, on the radio in the car, at parties, with friends. For the next fifteen minutes I listened in a way that I have not listened before.

It is difficult for me to describe the way the music sounded. It was filled with twanging curving screeches, and warbling of old men. It was not beautiful in any way I have ever considered, and I would never put it on for background music at a party. But when I listened to it, I saw the world from which it came. Of course I will never really know unless I visit there whether what I imagined is really what Yemen is like. I saw sand and blue sky and children in robes. I thought of the children and I realized that there must be boys there like myself, seventeen years old and nearing the end of whatever they have for high school, and hearing this music as part of their daily life. I know western culture has permeated large sections of the world, but I thought of growing up there, or really growing up somewhere else, anywhere else. The world there is entirely different, and people exist there the same as they do here, and grow up and fight with their parents and move out and age and die. It amazed me.

I know I still have all the ethnocentrism of my culture, and I have lost a bit of the feeling that I had when listening to the music. But I remember knowing, just for a moment, how big the world is and how much there is to it, with every different person and every different country a separate specific part of the whole world.

Our version, with eedits

Here are the edits we made. No two people edit the same way, so don’t be alarmed if you would have chosen very different rewrites. Do pay attention to the redundancies and awkward sentences that we point out, as these are the types of things you should catch when you are editing your own writing.

Step 5: Write the final draft

Make the edits you found during Step 4 and polish it up. This final draft contains all the edits made in the revision process, as well as some new edits. It has the proper paragraph format and has been checked for spelling and other mistakes.

Read the following version of Nick’s essay, which incorporates the suggested revisions and has been edited for length. Pay attention to how certain issues (such as awkward sentences) were fixed.

One day this past November, I came home from school exhausted and dispirited, thinking of all the homework to do and the chores to finish. November meant more cold and rain. I dragged myself to my room to begin my homework by listening to some music for an assignment for my music appreciation class. My teacher wanted us to select music of a culture we knew nothing about, and I had chosen music from Yemen. I sat down on my bed and turned on the music and shut my eyes, expecting nothing.

I listen to music often; I listen to it on the radio in the car, at parties, with friends. But for the next fifteen minutes, I listened in a way I had not listened before.

Describing the sound of the music is difficult. It was filled with twanging curving screeches and the warbling of old men. It was not beautiful in any way I have ever considered, and I would never put it on for background music at a party. But as I listened, I imagined that I saw the world from which it came. I saw sand and blue sky and children in robes. The world there is entirely different, yet people exist there the same as they do here. They grow up, fight with their parents, move out, age, and die. I was amazed. I realized that there must be boys there like myself, seventeen years old and nearing the end of whatever they have for high school, and hearing this music as part of their daily life. To them, growing up in Yemen is normal, and growing up in the United States is strange.

Hearing that music made me know, just for a moment, how big the world is and how much there is to it, of music, and cultures, and the people who make up both these things. It pulled me from the hole of my November and showed me the world, for an instant.

Writing the personal essay: Hanna

We recommend following the same format and steps when writing an essay for a graduate school application. Generally, the sorts of questions asked on grad school applications do not significantly differ from those asked on college applications; the main difference is the experience you have accrued by the time you apply to graduate school. Again, the goal is to produce a clear, organized piece of writing that presents the best version of yourself and demonstrates how you stand out.

Step 1: Focus on what you want to say

Hanna is applying to business schools, and the following question appears in one of the applications.

Please provide us with a one-page summary of personal and family background. Include information on where you grew up, parents’ occupations, any siblings, and perhaps a highlight or special memory of your youth.

Hanna thinks about her childhood and family: playing outside, going to school, bonding with her siblings. All of this matters, but what experiences shaped her the most? More to the point, what experiences might have brought her to this stage of her life in which she is applying to business school? Why is she going to business school anyway? That must be the focus of the application, and she wants to present herself in the most positive light possible to increase her chances for admission. What part of her childhood most influenced her decision to attend business school? She thinks of her Aunt Susan, who visited when she was eight: Aunt Susan, on her way to law school and very excited. Hmm.

Step 2: Write down your main point

Hanna writes, When Aunt Susan visited she was happy for the first time ever and it made me happy to see her. I think she was happy because she had direction, and now I do too. This way, she figures, she can answer the question posed, and present herself to the admissions staff as someone really serious about going to business school.

Step 3: Write the rough draft

Hanna thinks back to that special day when her Aunt Susan visited and writes down anything and everything that she can remember. She doesn’t worry about writing perfect sentences. She doesn’t worry about exact chronology. She gets her thoughts down on paper—that’s it.

Step 4: Edit the rough draft

Edit Hanna’s rough draft just as you edited Nick’s essay a few pages back. Then check your edits against the version on the following page. The goal is to make the essay concise and interesting. Don’t worry if your edits are not the exact same edits that appear on the following page. No two people edit the exact same way. But look for the differences, and try to analyze why the edits on the following page were chosen.

Editing Drill 2

I grew up in Baltimore, Maryland, with both my parents and two sisters. My father was a baker, and my mother worked as a teacher’s aide. Both my parents came from large families and there were always relatives of one side or another stopping by to visit. I remember when my mother’s youngest sister, my Aunt Susan, came to visit us one August.

Aunt Susan was the sister my mother always worried about, and talked to my father about over dinner. She would say Susan was unfocused, she had no steady suitor, she was wandering around doing nothing with her life even though she’d had a college education, which not all of the siblings had had. Susan was one of my favorite Aunts. She was nearest my age and the wandering that my mother worried over seemed romantic and thrilling to me.

While we waited for her my mother said, “Susan has something big to tell us. Now I don’t know what it is but we should all be very supportive because any decision Susan makes has to be for the better.” When Susan came, we all adjourned to the kitchen table which was where all the announcements were made. Susan looked happier than I ever remember seeing her. “I’ve decided to go to law school,” she said, “And I’m going to work for the ACLU when I get out. I’m going to help people.”

I had never seen Aunt Susan sure of anything before, but it was clear she was sure now. She did go to law school, and while it was not easy along the way, she got a job with the ACLU, and she works there to this day.

Seeing Aunt Susan decide she wanted something, and then watching her go an get it was thrilling. She had always been a romantic if troubled figure. With her decision and determination, she was not only wonderful, but also strong and happy. I think of that night often, because I feel I have come to the same point in my life, and business school is the place I will find my fulfillment.

Our version, with edits

Step 5: Write the final draft

I grew up in Baltimore with my father, a baker, my mother, a teacher’s aide, and my two sisters. There were always relatives of one side or another stopping by to visit. My mother’s youngest sister, my Aunt Susan, came to visit us one August when I was twelve.

Aunt Susan was the sister my mother always worried about and discussed with my father over dinner. She would say Susan was unfocused, wandering around doing nothing with her life though she’d had a college education, something my mother lacked. Susan was lost. Susan was in trouble. Susan was my favorite aunt. She was nearest my age, and the wandering that my mother worried over seemed romantic and thrilling to me.

The night before Aunt Susan was to arrive, my mother said, “Susan has something big to tell us. Now I don’t know what it is, but we should all be very supportive because any decision Susan makes has to be for the better.” When Susan walked in, it was clear that something had changed. She was as fascinating as ever, with tales of her crazy, exciting life. But this time her stories revolved around a temporary job in a law office. I figured that the existence of Susan’s job was her shocking announcement, big enough to account for the surprise my mother had referred to. But then Susan called us into the kitchen, where all family announcements were made. She looked happier than I had ever seen her. She said, “I’ve decided to go to law school, and when I’m finished I’m going to work for the ACLU. I’m going to help people.”

I had never seen Aunt Susan sure of anything before, but she was clearly sure then.

Nothing in my life has made a greater impression on me than Aunt Susan’s decision. While the law has never intrigued me as it did her, her desire, and her focus once she had decided what she wanted to do, thrills me still to think of it. She did go to law school, and while it was not easy along the way, she got a job with the ACLU, and she works there now.

I think of that night often, because I feel I have come to a similar point in my life, and business school is my avenue to fulfillment.

Specific essay questions

When you are given less leeway in your essay question—that is, when an application asks you to respond to a more directed question—what do you do? Some examples of more specific essay questions are:

If you could be a talk show host and you could have the opportunity to interview any three prominent persons living or deceased, whom would you choose, why, and what would you discuss?

Discuss an issue of personal, local, national, or international concern, and its importance to you.

Select a creative work: a novel, film, poem, musical piece, painting, or other work of art that has influenced the way you view the world and the way you view yourself. Discuss the work and its effect on you.

Highlight your academic accomplishments.

Tell us how a form of art or entertainment has affected you.

These essays follow the rules of all nonfiction writing. Be honest and write about a subject that has meaning for you.

If confronted with a question like the first one on the previous page, don’t go after the big names—Einstein, Lincoln, Washington—without a very good reason for wanting to talk with them. Often a writer will invoke these names in the blind hope that some of their greatness will rub off on the writer. Not so. The schools that request these types of essays are not doing so because they want to see if you can identify what a great person is, they are doing it because they want to know more about you personally, and your individual way of seeing the world. Try to select people you would truly like to speak with, and your personality will shine through.

The other essay questions here ask you to present one particular facet of yourself, so focus on just one in your essay. If you are asked about your most important experience, describe one that illuminates your strengths. Qualities worth highlighting on a college or graduate school application: diligence, responsibility, honesty, tenacity, resilience in the face of difficulty, creativity (particularly in the case of finding solutions for problems), curiosity (both academic and otherwise). And as we have stressed over and over: be honest. Every human being in the world has some good qualities, and the only way to write this sort of essay well and cogently is to tell the truth. If you cannot identify any characteristics you think will impress an admissions committee, ask friends and other loved ones. They have that perfect blend of objectivity and affection. You may feel embarrassed writing about yourself in such a self-aggrandizing manner; just keep in mind that you were asked to do so.

School-focused questions

How will University X help further your career goals?

Discuss your reasons for wanting to attend Y University; how does it differ from other schools on your list?

When the focus of your essay needs to be on the institution and your reasons for applying there specifically, stay away from pure flattery. The admissions committee wants to determine whether you are informed about that particular institution and its programs. The key here is to do a bit of research. Find out what the university considers its best features; is it small with a terrific student-to-teacher ratio, or is it large with fabulous research facilities? Read everything you can find on the Internet to identify the university’s strengths, and then figure out where these strengths intersect with your desires and write about that.

Common personal essay pitfalls

Writing a biography

Don’t feel tied to chronology. You are asked to produce a personal essay because the asker wants to know something further about you. This does not necessarily mean that your essay must include a detailed biography. You can indicate more about yourself by discussing your thoughts on current events or morality or scientific ethics. You can tell a story about your life, but it does not necessarily have to be set as a straight biography beginning with the day you were born and detailing each event to the present. Stick to what really interests you and you’ll have a more interesting essay.

Lacking direction or a main point

A personal essay is not a mandate to list the events of your life. Before you start writing, have an idea of what you intend to say. You must have a main point. Your main point can be that you learned through many years of shopping for shoes that shopping was for you an opportunity to understand capitalism and our culture. Your main point can be that by watching the film Bambi you realized how transitory and powerful the idea of life on this earth is for you. Whatever you write about, you must have a point in mind. Simply listing the events in your life will lead you to write a journal entry, not an essay.

Misrepresenting yourself

Most people fear that they are boring and that the admissions officer for whatever program they are applying to will certainly realize this and toss their application into the rejection pile. To make themselves stand apart, these folks think of the oddest thing they do and write about that. Before you run out and write your essay about your encounter with space aliens, remember our guideposts: clarity and honesty. If you don’t really believe that eating fried fire ants in the desert was important for you, don’t write about it. Not only will you misrepresent yourself, but you will also be writing about something you don’t really care about, which leads to muddled, messy work. Your perspective makes an essay interesting, not the actual subject. While many phenomena are common, people are singular, and your particular experience and the angle from which you saw it can be duplicated by no one else. Therefore, that view, that particular perspective, is what you should aim to convey in your essay.

Getting too detailed

When you write a personal essay, you may get into territory most readers are not too familiar with: your family, your town, and so on. While it is necessary to introduce characters or settings with which your reader may be unfamiliar, “My friend Toby,” or “The dump down the hill from my house,” it is unhelpful to describe anything in greater detail than the essay really calls for. It is probably unnecessary to inform the reader of Toby’s hair color unless you are writing an essay regarding a major hair-dyeing trauma you experienced.

Being overly dramatic

“The day I dyed my hair so I would look more like Toby was the most momentous day of my life.” Think for a moment, is this really true? Or are you trying to get your reader interested by yelling, in effect, “Over here, over here! Big things!” When you reread your essay, be sure to check for words such as “ever,” “never,” and “the most.” Allow your thoughts and ideas to be the drama of the moment. Remember, the reader is already reading the essay. By getting overly dramatic you make your writing seem desperate to be noticed, which is no more attractive in prose than it is in people.

Redundancy

People are tempted to begin sentences with, “I think,” or “I believe.” In a personal essay, this is bad form. If you are writing the essay, then anything you write is something you think, feel, or believe. To say so explicitly is redundant.

Excessive informality

Just because you are writing about something personal is no reason for your prose to become casual or intimate. The tone of a personal essay can be more relaxed and informal, but do not let your writing become a mere record of a conversation. Your aim is clarity, so excessive folksiness is to be avoided. Your ideas will allow the reader to view you as you are, and the way to present them clearly is to write them clearly.

Boasting, rambling, and using boilerplate language

Self-confidence is a good thing, and there’s a way to convey confidence without seeming narcissistic or overly self-congratulatory. It can be a fine line to walk sometimes, especially when the purpose of the essay is to promote yourself. Have an objective-minded teacher or brutally honest friend read the essay to ensure your tone is appropriate.

Avoid writing more than the required or requested number of words or pages. Writing pages and pages over the requested limit isn’t just a blatant disregard for the essay parameters—it will also cause your reader to shut down altogether and probably put your essay aside. Next.

Finally, don’t submit the same essay for multiple schools. Admissions officers can usually detect a boilerplate essay (vague statements are a giveaway!), so keep your essays specific. We understand that writing one solid essay is hard enough; how can you write two, three, or more additional essays? Trust us, we get it. But remember that you don’t need to reinvent the wheel every time. Let that first essay be your template, and then tailor the language to the various schools to which you’re applying.

Formatting and using citations in your personal essay

· There is no set format for references in a personal essay. Many writers include mentions of their favorite authors, books, or other things that may have influenced them, but such references are listed in the essay and not given as part of any sort of bibliography.

· Be sure to follow the instructions regarding spacing, font, margins, and so on. If no specifics are given, double-space for easier reading.

· Indent your paragraphs; don’t use an extra space.

· Titles are unnecessary in the personal essay. Unless you can think of a really great one, don’t use a title.

In conclusion…

The purpose of a personal essay is to share something about yourself. You must be honest and forthcoming, and write about something that matters to you. As long as you present a true passion of yours and check your work for the pitfalls described in this chapter, you can be sure your essay will have the impact and the originality required.