Rules for writers, Tenth edition - Diana Hacker, Nancy Sommers 2021

Reduce clauses to phrases, phrases to single words
Tighten wordy sentences
Clarity

Word groups functioning as modifiers can often be made more compact. Look for opportunities to reduce clauses to phrases or phrases to single words.

EXERCISE 16-1

Edit the following sentences to reduce wordiness. Possible revisions appear in the back of the book.

a. Martin Luther King Jr. was a man who set a high standard for future leaders to meet.

b. Alice has been deeply in love with cooking since she was little and could first peek over the edge of a big kitchen tabletop.

c. In my opinion, Bloom’s race for the governorship is a futile exercise.

d. It is pretty important in being a successful graphic designer to have technical knowledge and at the same time an eye for color and balance.

e. Your task will be the delivery of mailed correspondence to all employees in the company.

EXERCISE 16-2

Edit the following business memo to reduce wordiness.

To: District managers

From: Margaret Davenport, Vice President

Subject: Customer database

It has recently been brought to my attention that a percentage of our sales representatives have been failing to log reports of their client calls in our customer database each and every day. I have also learned that some representatives are not checking the database on a routine basis.

Our clients sometimes receive a multiple number of sales calls from us when a sales representative is not cognizant of the fact that the client has been contacted at a previous time. Repeated telephone calls from our representatives annoy our customers. These repeated telephone calls also portray our company as one that is lacking in organization.

Effective as of immediately, direct your representatives to do the following:

✵ Record each and every customer contact in the customer database at the end of each day, without fail.

✵ Check the database at the very beginning of each day to ensure that telephone communications will not be initiated with clients who have already been called.

Let me extend my appreciation to you for cooperating in this important matter.