The little red writing book - Brandon Royal 2007

Eliminate needless words
Style

Principle #10: Cut out redundancies, excessive qualification, and needless self-reference.

Perhaps no one has ever captured (in 63 words!) the essence of brevity in writing as well as William Strunk, Jr.: “Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that a writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.”

REDUNDANCIES

Redundancy occurs when a writer needlessly repeats a word or an idea. It is redundant, for instance, to speak of an “inexperienced beginner.” The word “beginner” by itself implies lack of experience. Redundant words or phrases can be eliminated without changing the meaning of the sentence.

EXCESSIVE QUALIFICATION

Occasional use of qualifiers will let the reader know that you are reasonable, but using such modifiers too often weakens your writing. Excessive qualification makes the writer sound hesitant, and adds bulk without adding substance.

Original:

This rather serious leak may possibly shake the very foundations of the intelligence world.

Better:

This serious leak may shake the foundations of the intelligence world.

And there is no need to quantify words that are already absolute.

Look also for opportunities to clean out qualifiers such as a bit, a little, highly, just, kind of, most, mostly, pretty, quite, rather, really, slightly, so, still, somewhat, sort of. Like very, truly, and fairly, they are all weakeners and are almost always unnecessary.

NEEDLESS SELF-REFERENCE

Avoid such unnecessary phrases as “I believe,” “I feel,” and “in my opinion.” There is usually no need to remind your reader that what you are writing is your opinion.

EXERCISE 1

Rewrite the following sentences, cutting out redundancies.

See suggested solutions

1. Attendees should be ready, willing, and able to adhere to the event’s dress code and not wear casual clothes when formal attire is required.

2. A construction project that large in size needs an effective manager who can get things done.

3. The Acropolis Museum continues to remain a significant tourist attraction.

4. The ultimate conclusion is that physical and psychological symptoms are intertwined and difficult to separate.

5. The field superintendent’s charisma and charming personality do not mask his scanty product or technical knowledge.

6. The recently observed trend of government borrowing may eventually create nations that are poorer and more impoverished than ever before.

7. These events — water shortages, chronic overcrowding, and rampant disease — have combined together to create a serious crisis.

8. Those who can find novel solutions to problems are few in number.

9. She has deliberately chosen to work for UNESCO.

10. Negotiation opens up many doors to peaceful settlement.

EXERCISE 2

Rewrite the following sentences, cutting out excessive qualification.

See suggested solutions

1. Peter is an exceptionally outstanding student.

2. You yourself are the very best person to decide what you should do with your life.

3. The propane tank is completely empty.

4. Joey seems to be sort of a slow reader.

5. There are very many reasons for the disparity in wealth among the world’s nations.

6. Some experts believe that perhaps we are motivated simply by the desire to seek pleasure and to avoid pain.

7. In India, I found about the best food I have ever eaten.

8. She is a fairly excellent pianist.

9. The Hermitage Museum in St. Petersburg is filled with unique, one-of-a-kind paintings.

10. Needless to say, auditors should remain independent of the companies that they audit.

EXERCISE 3

Rewrite the following sentences, cutting out needless self-reference.

See suggested solutions

1. The speaker, in my personal opinion, is lost in details.

2. I feel, as many others do, that we ought to pay teachers as much as other professionals, such as doctors, lawyers, and engineers.

3. I do not think this argument can be generalized to those countries that have poor infrastructures.

4. My own experience shows me that wine is a fine social lubricant.

5. I’m really wondering whether more people would use the library if books and movies could be delivered to a person’s home for a small fee.

6. Although I am no expert, I do not think that freedom of speech means that someone can scream “fire” in a crowded movie theatre and be held blameless.

7. If I had to venture a guess, I’d say that many individuals want to lose weight, but many fail simply because they do not decide on a diet program and then follow it diligently.

8. I must emphasize that I am not saying that the opposing argument is without merit.

9. If I were ever asked about the people that I find most inspiring, I would say that they are those individuals who are incredibly driven but incredibly humble.

10. It is my belief that to succeed in a relationship a person must be willing to give 70 percent and only expect to receive 30 percent.