The little red writing book - Brandon Royal 2007
Keep like things together
Structure
Principle #5: Finish discussing one topic before going on to discuss other topics.
Imagine visiting the zoo to find that all the animals were in one big cage. It would not only be dangerous for the animals but also nearly impossible for visitors to view the animals in a coherent manner. Unfortunately, sometimes a piece of writing can be like a zoo, in which all of the different animals (ideas) are in one big cage, running wild. When we write (as when we speak), the ideas we describe should be grouped together. It is best to finish discussing one idea before going on to discuss another.
Here’s an example of an essay with jumbled ideas.
ORIGINAL VERSION
In 1981, Roger Sperry received the Nobel Prize for his proof of the split-brain theory. According to Dr. Sperry, the brain has two hemispheres with different, but overlapping functions.
The left side of the brain is responsible for analytical, linear, verbal, and rational thought. Left-brain thinking is “spotlight” thinking. The right hemisphere is holistic, imaginative, nonverbal, and artistic. It is the left brain that a person relies on when balancing a checkbook, remembering names and dates, or setting goals and objectives. Whenever a person recalls another person’s face, becomes engrossed in a symphony, or simply daydreams, that person is engaging in right-brain functions. Right-brain thinking is “floodlight” thinking and right-brain processes are, to the chagrin of many, less often rewarded in school. Since most of the Western concepts of thinking come from Greek logic, which is a linear logic system, left-brained processes are most rewarded in the western educational system.
In summary, the right and left hemispheres of the brain each specialize in distinct types of thinking processes. In the most basic sense, the left brain is the analytical side while the right brain is the creative side.
Note that although the above writing piece employs a classic structure — containing an introduction, body, and conclusion — the content is difficult to read and absorb because ideas are tangled. If this discussion were to continue for a couple of pages, the reader might feel that his or her mind had turned to spaghetti. We know that there are two things under discussion — left-brain versus right-brain thinking — but the technique with which ideas are described and supported is deficient.
CORRECTED VERSION 1
In 1981, Roger Sperry received the Nobel Prize for his proof of the split-brain theory. According to Dr. Perry, the brain has two hemispheres with different but overlapping functions. Each hemisphere of the brain specializes in distinct types of thinking processes. In the most basic sense, the left brain is the analytical side while the right brain is the creative side.
The left side of the brain is responsible for analytical, linear, verbal, and rational thought. Left-brain thinking is characterized as “spotlight” thinking. It is the left brain that a person relies on when balancing a checkbook, remembering names and dates, or setting goals and objectives. The right hemisphere is holistic, imaginative, nonverbal, and artistic. Right-brain thinking is characterized as “floodlight” thinking. Whenever a person recalls another person’s face, becomes engrossed in a symphony, or simply daydreams, that person is engaged in right-brain functions.
Since most Western concepts of thinking are derived from Greek logic, which is a linear logic system, left-brained processes are most rewarded in the Western education system. Right-brain processes are, to the chagrin of many, less often rewarded in school.
In the corrected example above, we also have classic usage of introduction, body, and conclusion. The structure in the second paragraph proceeds as follows: left-brain thinking is described within the first two sentences, followed by a third supporting sentence which includes examples of left-brain thinking. Right-brain thinking is then described in two sentences, followed by a supporting sentence which includes examples of right-brain thinking. The third paragraph concludes with an implication of left- and right-brain thinking.
CORRECTED VERSION 2
In 1981, Roger Sperry received the Nobel Prize for his proof of the split-brain theory. According to Dr. Perry, the brain has two hemispheres with different but overlapping functions. Each hemisphere of the brain specializes in distinct types of thinking processes. In the most basic sense, the left brain is the analytical side while the right brain is the creative side.
The left side of the brain is responsible for analytical, linear, verbal, and rational thought. Left-brain thinking is characterized as “spotlight” thinking. It is the left brain that a person relies on when balancing a checkbook, remembering names and dates, or setting goals and objectives. Since most Western concepts of thinking are derived from Greek logic, which is a linear logic system, left-brained processes are most rewarded in the Western education system.
The right hemisphere is holistic, imaginative, nonverbal, and artistic. Right-brain thinking is characterized as “floodlight” thinking. Whenever a person recalls another person’s face, becomes engrossed in a symphony, or simply daydreams, that person is engaged in right-brain functions. Right-brain processes are, to the chagrin of many, less often rewarded in school.
The three-paragraph structure above is also a classic one: an introduction is followed by two paragraphs, each dedicated entirely to either left- or right-brain thinking. In the second paragraph, left-brain thinking is described within the first two sentences, followed by a third supporting sentence containing examples of this type of thinking, and a concluding sentence highlighting an implication of left-brain thinking. In the third paragraph, right-brain thinking is described in two sentences, followed by a supporting sentence with examples of this type of thinking, and finally a one sentence implication of right-brain thinking.
